The Girl in the Blue Dress
by DA-still.recruiting
Summary: Sirius Black. A name everyone in our 6th year class knows, and one all the girls love. He's 5 foot 10, black hair that is constantly being flipped out of his stormy grey eyes, cocky smile and a general self-confident attitude. Sirius B./OC, Remus L./OC
1. Insight

**The Girl in the Blue Dress**

_Chapter 1: Insight_

Sirius Black. A name everyone in our 6th year class knows, and one all the girls love. He's maybe 5 foot 10, shaggy black hair that is constantly being flipped out of his stormy grey eyes, cocky smile and a general self-confident attitude. A clever boy albeit dimwitted at times, and always eager to try out the latest hex on any passing Slytherin. He spends his time with his best friends Remus Lupin, a quiet boy who always has his nose in a book, James Potter, a boy with crooked glasses, a messy hair, and an attitude similar to Sirius's, James's girlfriend Lily Evans, a particularly bright girl with stunning green eyes, and me, Alexandra Marqcues. Alex, for the entire world that wants to know.

While most of the girls in our year are too busy giggling and batting their overly-done eyelashes at Sirius, I think I'd rather sit through a monotonous potions lecture.

Take this morning's breakfast in the Great Hall for example. Remus was, naturally, reading a book, James and Lily we're in a heated discussion about who-knows-what, and Sirius was in the middle of a group of girls trying way too hard. I sighed and turned around from my spot at the Gryffindor table and looked at the table behind us, the Ravenclaw table. I seek out Rachel Millena and I roll my eyes at her, much to her amusement. We both smile and I turn back to my group.

I've known Rachel since my first train-ride to Hogwarts. I was sitting in a some-what empty car, only an older boy who was sound asleep was with me, when a girl with jet-black hair, dark mahogany eyes, and a thin frame walked by nervously, looking for a car. I stuck my head out of the car and looked at her a moment. "You can share mine if you'd like." I said to the girl. She stared at me a moment cautiously, then bit her lip and stepped inside the car and sat down next to me. One she sat down, she looked at me slightly relieved. "Thanks. I'm Rachel Millena." She said shyly, holding out her hand. I beamed, happy to have a friend in my car, and held out my own hand. "Alexandra Marqcues. But, just call me Alex." I said. And that was the start of a beautiful friendship.

After that, we've been inseparable, even though we are in two different houses. Not that I'm surprised, she'd always given off that 'Ravenclaw, smart-as-a-tack' vibe to me.

I look back at Sirius, to see some blonde girl dressed in some scanty robes giggle profusely at... something. I don't remember hearing Sirius actually say anything. I look down at my plate of eggs and toast, gag, and push it away, standing up with a somewhat disgusted look on my face.

The blonde looks at me with her eyebrows furrowed. "What's wrong with you?" she asked, clearly annoyed that I disrupted her excessive flirting.

I look at her as I grab my bag. "Oh, nothing. All this desperation makes me lose my appetite." I say, smirking as I hear the snickers of James and Lily, and see a smile spread on Remus's face.

The blonde rolled her eyes and scoffs as I walk out of the Great Hall towards the dungeons. I wasn't looking forward to today's lesson, but anything is better than hearing those girls pout, whine, and beg for attention. Ack.

Don't get me wrong, I think Sirius is a somewhat charming boy when he's not surrounded by Barbie's, he is my friend after all, but when he's around all of _them_ I almost want to vomit.

I decide to take the long way to potions, since I have plenty of time on my hands. I think about a few things I have to do today, what homework needs to be done, etc. I eventually make my way to the dungeons and wait outside the door until Professor Rolface comes and unlocks the doors. I take a seat in the back of class and sigh. Students start pouring in about 5 minutes after I showed up and Rachel takes her seat next to me, and we immediately start a heated conversation about our next Hogsmeade trip, trying to ignore the Professor's monotone lecture.


	2. Tea Leaves

**Chapter 2: Tea Leaves**

Later in the day, as I make my way towards Defense Against the Dark Arts, from History of Magic, I find myself wandering a corridor alone, thinking to myself about all the homework Professor Muriartic assigned. He just doesn't get the fact that people want a social life, does he? Especially 16 year old 6th years like me.

I sighed and rounded a corner, slamming hard into someone's tall, lanky frame. Ow, that's so going to leave a mark. I rub my forehead as I look up to see the glaring eyes of Severus Snape. When I realize it's him, I instinctively glared back at him, not even thinking twice about it.

"Watch where you walk, Marqcues." He said, the venom clear in his voice.

"Why don't you?" I snarled back.

I had a personal hatred of Snape. Not only did he have enough issues with Lily, and then James, but he personally had tried to make my friends lives, as well as my own, a living hell.

"You better watch yourself. Don't want another accident do we?" he said, trying to be threating. Oh please.

I scoffed. "If I recall, I wasn't the only one with injuries, was I Snape?"

His eyes turned to slits. "You did damage my rib cage, I'll admit, but you're gonna pay for that, Marqcues."

I smirked. "Oh yea, how much?" I asked, digging around in my bag, then huffing and walking away.

Apparently he didn't find my sarcasm so amusing. "_Stupefy_!" he shouted.

I spun around and deflected it with a shield charm. "_Expelliarmus!"_ I shouted back at him, I saw his wand fly out of his hand. I swear there were real daggers shooting out of his eyes.

"I don't think this is the time, Snape. I have a class to get to." I said, turning my back on him and ducking out of sight.

I sighed. Sometimes I really wonder if he just wants to pick fights with people so he has something to do in his spare time. If I _had_ the time, he'd be back to see Madame Pomfrey again...

I trudged into class, slightly late. "Marqcues, you're late." Professor Graff said, looking at me from the front of class.

I sat down in my seat next to Sirius. "Sorry, sir." I grumbled, setting down my bag and taking out my book, quill, and some parchment.

"Well, now that Miss Marqcues has decided to join us..." he trailed off about the counter-curse to some hex. I sighed and put my quill in my ink.

"Where were you?" Sirius muttered to me.

"Had a little run-in with a certain slimy snake." I said smirking.

Sirius chuckled and looked back at Professor Graff, even though he was clearly not listening to a word he said. "I thought he would've learned not to cross you after what happened to his ribs."

I shrugged. "He needs to sort out his priorities." I say quietly, picking up my quill and taking notes on today's lesson.

**xXx**

"Alright, class, read from page 33 to 48 tonight please."

I sighed and stuffed my things into my bag and looked up at Sirius. At least now I had someone to walk to Divination with. And, to brighten my mood, reading was easy. It wasn't a lot of homework tonight after all. Yes, Potions would be complete horror, but really, that was my only real problem. Woo.

Sirius and I headed out the door and worked our way through the corridors. "Well, at least that lesson was interesting. Trelawney always makes me want to fall asleep. I hope we get the window seats..." Sirius said as we walked around a lost-looking group of first-years.

I smiled. Ah the window seats. If you truly wanted some sleep, those were the seats to take it in. Nice breeze, I the back of class, mostly out of view... it was perfect.

I pushed my long dirty-blonde, hair behind my back as we walked up the stairs to the Divination tower. When we got to the ladder, I took off my clock and stowed it in my bag. Sirius did the same. "Is it me, or is it extremely hot up here?" I said as he opened the latch to the classroom.

A huge wave of lavender incense hit both of our noses and I took s small step back.

Sirius nodded at my question. "Yea, it's going to be like a heater up there. No doubt Trelawney will be in a long-sleeved shirt, pants, and sweater." He said, going up the ladder to the room.

I smiled and climbed in after him. Naturally, it was sweltering in here. And, much to out dismay, we were the last ones in the room. The only seats left we're right in front. Oh lovely. "Brilliant, now we're going to be prime subjects of our doom..." I muttered as we headed over to the table.

Sirius snickered as we took our seats. At that moment, Professor Trelawney walked in, with her large glasses making her eyes look 10 times bigger than normal. "Ah, children! Today, we will be examining tea leaves. Please use your books to read the tea leaves of the person across from you." She said.

I looked at Sirius, then reached over and picked up his cup. Sirius did the same, and then promptly dropped it onto the table and yelling. "Ahhh!" he said. I jumped about 10 feet in the air. When it's dead quiet, and then someone screams, it's like being yelled at in the middle of the night.

Professor Trelawney rushed over to him. "What did you see dear boy?" he asked. I was curious myself. I mean, those were my tea leaves. Good god, what was going to happen to me?

Sirius picked up the cup again. "Alex is going to die by a blob monster!" he said, showing the two of us my cup if leaves, which looked like a deformed sun, a blob.

The class started cracking up at this. I tried not to laugh, since Professor Trelawney was standing over my shoulder, but I couldn't hold back a giggle and I smile. I gave Sirius a wide smile.

Professor Trelawney took the cup and looked at it. "Oh, well... You were close, my boy." She said, and my smile dropped. Excuse me? Now I have to deal with monsters coming after me?

"Oh, my dear girl..." she said, giving me a look of dismay. Oh boy, this ought to be good. "Right here, is a leaf. And there, that is meant to be the red sea..." She gave me another look of pity. "You, poor girl, will find yourself with a terrible, incurable rash. Right on a place you won't expect it."

Once again, our class proceeded to laugh. Even though I knew this was rubbish, I still turned the shade of a lobster. Not what I was looking for, nor was I expecting it. She put my cup back down and walked away, shaking her head in dismay.

I looked at Sirius, who was barely able to control his laughter. "Stop it!" I said, picking up my book and hitting him on the arm a few times. "Stop-It-Now!" I said, hitting him with each word.

"I...I'm sorry, Alex. I sh-shouldn't laugh at your r-rash." He said, bursting into a fit of laughter.

"Oh, Sirius, you know this is rubbish! Really, how can you tell that it's the RED Sea when all the tea leaves are _black_?" I asked incredulously.

He only laughed more. "I know what you mean. And yes, I know it's all a load of Hippogriff dung, but really... You didn't find it funny at all?" he said, a smile still plastered on his face.

"Oh, yes, Haha, hilarious." I rolled my eyes. "Sirius Black, one day _you're_ going to get an incurable rash. Right where the sun don't shine."


	3. Secrets

**Chapter 3: Secrets**

It's been about 2 weeks since running into Snape, and receiving my rash-reading. (No, I have _not_ gotten a rash anywhere on me. Rubbish...) He hasn't had the _pleasure_ to have my acquaintance again. He shouldn't, if he knows what's good for him.

Okay, I shouldn't be so mean, but it's kind of habit. I do notice that, every time I'm with Lily, he has that familiar longing look in his eye. True he does glare at James every second he can, but it's not really a look of anger, or even wanting to cause pain, more like jealousy mixed with envy. It's pretty hard to think about sometimes. At times I can't help feeling bad for him you know? Sigh...

As I sit in Charms class, taking notes, the boy next to me, A Hufflepuff by the name of Andrew whom I've never actually spoken to, mutters quietly, "You'd think a week of learning the same spell we'd have gotten it by now..."

I smile. It's true; we've been learning _Sicreto_ for nearly a week now.

The Charm causes the 'victim' to start spilling out their deepest secrets one by one. Although, the caster and the caste share a sort of connection as the spell is casted. The caster somehow knows the secret in their mind, right before they actually say it. Useful I think. I'd hate to cast it on a Slytherin and hear about how they just killed someone. Rather gruesome...

Sadly, the spell is fueled by one of the _casters_ deepest secrets as well. It has to be something big, important, and something that no one knows. Not something like, '_Oh, I have the biggest crush on Bob/Mary!'_ Because chances are, if you're a boy, you've told at least your best friends. And if you're a girl, the whole school knows.

Also, the movements mixed with the concentration of your secret are apparently quite difficult. Hence why were are now at day 7 and still learning _Sicreto_. Joy.

"You'd think a week of learning the same spell would mean you knew everyone's secrets." I joked back.

He chuckled quietly and we both returned to our notes, smiling.

Much to Professor Flitwik's dismay, and the students pleasure, class ended not 10 minutes later.

I packed up my things and stood up. "Well, see you around Andrew." I said. I'd never given him much thought before, seeing as how I never talked to him and he wasn't in my house, but he wasn't such a bad guy.

"See you, Alex." He said as I walked out the door of the Charms classroom.

That was my last class that day and I was eager to meet Rachel in the Great Hall. Since the two of us were in different houses, we each had different classes, besides History of Magic but she sits on the other side of the room, therefore we each had a different crazy thing happen to us. It was a re-occurring theme. Trouble doesn't end up finding us, it usual ends up confusing us.

As I walked towards the Great Hall, I groaned. I'd forgotten about a Potions essay due tomorrow. Well, I'd have to make it back to the common room eventually, to work on that damn essay...

**xXx**

One heated battle between hippogriffs and thestrals, a muffin, and a laughing spree later, I say goodbye to Rachel and head up to the Gryffindor Tower. I _still_ have to do that essay. Hm, I wonder if Lily or Remus will let me look at theirs... Well, I would bet Remus would more than Lily, if I beg enough.

"Starshine." I tell the Fat Lady as she opens the portrait door.

I walk inside to see Sirius lounging on the couch, cast random spells at out fireplace, at least he was making out with some slut, James playing wizard chess, Lily talking and gossiping with a few other girls, and Remus talking to some first-years, a book in his hand. I smile and walk up to him.

"...and don't let me catch you trying to stuff their packs with custard again." He finished, letting them run off.

He turns to me and sighs, I raise an eyebrow. "Um, whose' bags are they filling with custard?" I ask with a smile on my face. Ah, I remember being a first year. I was quiet and boring, and never did anything besides talk with Lily and Rachel. Yea, I grew out of _that_ shell rather fast...

Remus crossed his arms. "Actually, they didn't know. It was a bag, probably a teacher's sitting just outside a classroom." He shook his head.

I giggle softly. "Really? Oh, how I would've loved to see that teacher's face..." I said happily.

Remus smiled and walked over and sat in a chair. I followed him and leaned against a table. "Hey, um, you wouldn't happen to have finished that potions essay due tomorrow would you?" I ask oh-so-casually.

I looked at me from behind his book. I smiled brightly and he rolled his eyes.

"You know, you're going to have to start looking these things up yourself, Alex." He tells me as he searches through some papers until he comes up on his essay. I smile brightly and ruffle his hair as I sit down across from him. "Yea, I will. Eventually. I only need, like, the basics of the essay, and maybe the beginning, and then I can do it on my won, alright?" I say.

He chuckles and looks back at his book. I smile and take out some of my own parchment. I only took a few notes on his essay; examples, a few facts, and some notes on starting/ending it. I handed him back the essay.

"Thanks Remus, you're a life saver." I say, walking upstairs to write my own essay.

"I know..." he muttered from behind his book.

I laugh lightly and walk into the dormitories. Walking in, I see a few girls gossiping about some 'major event' that happened with a Ravenclaw boy and a Hufflepuff girl.

"Alex! Did you hear?" one girl, Michelle, asked me. Um, did I hear what? I need a bit more info.

I sat down on the bed next to her. "Um, maybe? What happened?" I asked.

She proceeded to tell me, with many interruptions from the other girls, how the Hufflepuff walked into her class one day, hoping to be early and just to read, and found her boyfriend, the Ravenclaw, making out with some other girl. Well, obviously the guy wasn't satisfied with the poof Hufflepuff.

"Isn't that horrible? The guy's such a cheater..." she said.

I shook my head. "Totally horrible. But if you don't mind, I need to write an essay..." I said, rolling my eyes.

I'm not usually the one to pick up on the 'latest gossip' but once in a while I might want to hear something. Not necessarily about a cheating Ravenclaw, but it'll do.

I sat down on my bed, took out some new parchment, my ink, quill, and notes on Remus's essay, and closed the drapes on my bed. It did shut out a little bit of the gossiping girls' noise...

* * *

"_Come on Sirius, you've liked her since you were a 2__nd__ year!" James said to his friend as they sat in the common room late that night._

_Sirius sighed, exasperated. "I know that, how can I forget when I see her rolling her eyes everyday..." he said, thinking about those brilliant blue eyes of hers._

_"Yea, at all those tramps surrounding you..." James muttered, not that Sirius was really listening. He shook his head. "Are you ever going to say something to her about it?" he inquired, pulling Sirius out of his fantasies._

_Sirius sighed. "I don't know. Alex has always been a mystery..." he said breathlessly. A wonderful mystery._


	4. Odd Gestures

**Chapter 4: Odd Gestures**

When I woke up the next morning, I realized my quill, parchment, essay, and ink well were still on my bed. Mind you, I toss in my sleep. "Shit!" I screamed. Not that anyone was there to listen; apparently everyone had already gone to breakfast.

I groan and sat up. Surprisingly, my essay was spotless, but my clothes and bed sheets weren't so lucky. I sighed and gathered up the things I could and then changed quickly. No doubt classes would start and I would be late, causing a loss of house points, most likely...

What a crappy way to start the day.

I have my bag around my shoulder and a brush in my hair as I walk down the stairs into the common room, where I see Sirius just gathering up his things.

"Oh, Alex, hey." He said to me, almost avoiding my eyes. Did I look that bad?

I ran a brush through my mess of hair. "Morning Sirius..." I grumbled, trying to take out a knot in my hair.

I finally get the brush to run straight through all my hair and stuff it in my bag.

"You alright then, Marques?" he asked with a cocky grin.

I rolled my eyes but smiled as we headed out of the portrait together. He usually didn't call me Marqcues unless he was trying to tease me. And he only called me Alexandra when he was trying to get under my skin. "Yea, just a bad morning, Black." I countered with a smile.

He chuckled and we walked into the Great Hall and sat down next to each other in our usual spot with James, Lily, and Remus. Not 5 seconds after we enter the Great Hall, my nose is suddenly clogged with too much perfume, hairspray, and some lavender scent.

'Oh, great. Those dim-witted blondes were back...' I thought. Well, okay, I'll be fair. Those dim-witted _girls_ were back. Not all of them were blonde. I spotted a brunette in there somewhere.

I rolled my eyes. I felt someone take the seat next to me and the familiar voice whispered to me, "Ugh, they just reek of anxiety..."

I smiled and turned to see Rachel sitting next to me. "Do they ever give up?" I asked back, sharing a muffled laugh.

Rachel turned to the group. She usually didn't sit with us, but she knew the crew. "Morning Lily, James, Remus..." she said, smiling at them each in turn. Although she hadn't adressed Sirius. Hm, well, I wouldn't be surprised of every single one of the girls surrounding him glared if she _did._

"Hey Rachel." Lily said happily. She shared Potions with Rachel and apparently they got on well.

James just nodded at her nicely. Well, I was never quite sure why he didn't actually address her, but it might be because he never really forgave the two of us for putting eggs in his shoes as 3rd years...

"Morning Rachel." Lupin said, giving her his full attention. Book closed and all. Hm, well, either the book was boring or he was just excited to see a new face in the group. Or maybe...

Either way, I had my suspicions...

I looked over at Sirius to see a few girls leaning way too far forward, giving the rest of us a very unwanted view of their cleavage. Sirius gave me a sheepish look.

I rolled my eyes and looked over at James. He did one of those _kill-me-now_ gestures and I stifled a laugh. Just to add to the amusement, I made a fist, put it to my neck, and pulled, sticking out my tongue. _Hang-me-now_ I mouthed to him and we both grinned to each other.

I sighed and decided to eat some breakfast. True, I almost gagged every time that blonde cow giggled over Sirius, but I guess I did have to give him credit. He was _not_ a bad looking guy by any means. And while I knew this fact, I was probably the only girl in Gryffindor, besides maybe Lily, not throwing myself at him. Gag.

After choking down some eggs and a piece of toast, I turned to Rachel, who was having an intense conversation with Remus about something in _Hogwarts: A History_. Psh, nerds... I smiled and leaned forward against Rachel.

"Sorry to interrupt this... conversation-" I gave Rachel a pointed look, "-but I do believe Remus and I are going to be late for Charms." I said, not being able to resist a huge smile.

Remus quickly cleared his throat, wiping the slight smile off his face, and gathered his things. "Oh, right, yea. See you guys later." He said to the gang as we stood up. "See you around Rachel..." he said, as I smiled.

"See you in Defense Against the Dark Arts, Alex!" I heard Sirius call to me as I left.

I turned to him and waved. But I did have to wonder... He'd never really _personally_ told me goodbye before. Hm, maybe he was trying to make up for all the times I had to gag because of him?

I shrugged and focused my attention to Remus, who was staring at me. "What?" I asked, a bit surprised. I should be the one asking questions here...

Remus tried not to smile and shook his head. "Nothing..." I glared at him. Obviously he was hiding something from me. And I was sure as hell going to find out what it was.

I sighed. "Fine, then I have a few questions for you." I said, smiling at him brightly as he looked like I just told him to reach his hand into a scary box.

"About what?" he asked hesitantly.

"Oh, about a certain Ravenclaw girl..." I said, twirling my hair in between two fingers.

He looked down, then back up at me, his cheeks pink. "Um, what about her?" he asked.

My smile widened. "I never said who it was, Remus old boy..." I said pointedly as we turned another corner. I heard himself curse under his breath.

"Yea, well, what about her? I know you're talking about Rachel. But, really, what other Ravenclaw's could you be talking about?" he asked.

Well, I guess he had a point. I don't really have any other Ravenclaw best friends... He probably just assumed it was her because she's the one at the table this morning. You know, I'm not going to put a damper on my theory. I say he was thinking about her therefore he assumed her. Humph.

"Well, you two seemed to have it off quite nicely this morning." I said, kicking a stone with my foot as I tried to act nonchalant.

Inside, though, I was practically having a hippogriff. It would be _so_ amazing if they ended up together. I mean, Remus was totally smart, no doubt, and was always the brightest light bulb in the box. And Rachel was a Ravenclaw, so she's just naturally smart. They're both more quiet and book-worm-type and usually only talk with their core group of friends. They would be perfect.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Yea, so? She's a nice person. It was nice talking to her." He said with a slight smile.

I beamed. "Would you like to talk to her again?" I asked as we approached History of Magic.

He shrugged, still smiling. "I wouldn't mind it, yea." He said, walking into class.

I quickly grabbed his arm before he could walk to his seat on the other end of the room. "We are _so_ not done talking about this." I said with a wicked grin.

He rolled his eyes but smiled as he shrugged off my arm and we went our separate ways to our seats.

**xXx**

I hurried out of Potions with my notebook still in hand. I was concentrating on getting to History of Magic; I needed to have a little chat with Rachel. I smiled.

Although, I did find it discerning in Potions when I caught James smirking every time he caught my eye. What did he know that I didn't? Humph.

I strolled into the History of Magic classroom a bit early, set my things down and walked over to Rachel's desk as she arrived. She was smiling at me happily. "Hey, Rachel." I said to her.

"Alex, oh my _Godric_. Just came from Herbology. Torant was a complete nightmare, gave us a huge essay." She sighed unhappily. "I'm a complete twit when it comes to Herbology." She groaned. She was a genius in every subject but Herbology. Plants confused her.

I smiled. "Don't worry, you'll do fine. I'm sure there's someone in your house you can ask for help." Then she grinned wickedly, and Rachel took a small step back.

"So, Rachel, what do you think about Remus?" I asked oh-so-casually as I leaned against an empty desk.

Rachel bit her lip and leaned against hers. "He's pretty nice, I guess. Why do you ask?"

She always bit her lip when she was nervous. Or lying. "Oh, just asking. Remus mentioned you and we were just talking, that's all..." I said with a shrug as I turned away.

"Wait, what did he say? About me?" Rachel said, hopping off her desk and following me. I smiled before I turned around to face her.

"So you do fancy him!" I said, pointing a finger at her and grinning.

Rachel turned bright red. "I never said that! I just... wanted to know what he said...about me..." she said quietly.

I grinned. I _so_ knew it. And besides, while Rachel may be able to hide her feelings in public, Remus is _not_ very good at it. It was easy to see he fancied her, getting him to admit it may be harder. And now that I had a chance to talk to her, it seemed as though she liked him too...

"Well, if you don't fancy him, maybe I shouldn't tell you..."I said, smiling and slowly walking back to my desk.

She followed me and sighed. I could almost feel her eye-roll. She tugged on my arm. "Alex, come on. Just tell me."

"Only if you admit you fancy him." I said quickly, raising an eyebrow as she rose hers.

She pursed her lips a moment in hesitation. "...Fine. I fancy him. Happy?" I nodded vigorously, "Now tell me what he said!" she said.

I giggled. "Well... he didn't say _that_ much. I may have exaggerated. But he did say he liked talking to you, and that you seemed like a really nice person. _And _he wouldn't mind talking to you again." I added, just because I thought the look on her face was priceless. It wasn't much, at all, and I almost felt odd that she was so happy, but I guess the little things _do_ really add up. I guess.

She really did fancy Remus. Well, I personally, am pretty glad. They'd be great together. But, hopefully I wouldn't have to walk in on them snogging. Ack...

Rachel gave me a glare but I could see a smile on her lips. "Alex, you are one devious little girl. I'm surprised you're not in Slytherin." She said teasingly.

I scoffed. "Oh please. I'd be the one Slytherin there that actually hated all of my house mates. And love all Gryffindors. I'd be a saint." I said, putting my hands together.

"Students! Please, take your seats..." Professor Muriatic said.

Rachel and I shared a look and went back to our seats.

Every time I glanced at her, I saw her smiling.


	5. Sudden Movements

Chapter 5: Sudden Movements

5 days later, Rachel is still sitting with us, not that I mind, and has still been talking to Remus. They haven't said anything to us, except for Rachel, who's told me she fancies Remus, but made me promise to keep it a secret. I don't know why she thinks it's a big deal, everyone can see it. And we all want them to just get together already. But, I guess these things take time.

Besides, it's really cute when you see them together. Normally they are very quiet and a bit socially awkward, but when they're together, it's like they never shut up really. They never run out of things to say, and they just go on and on. It's amazing, honestly.

They were practically made for each other.

**xXx**

James Potter is staring at me.

Why? Well, if I knew, I probably wouldn't find it so uncomfortable.

He's been giving me that '_I-know-something-you-don't-know_' look all during Potions and it kind of makes me want to scream. Not only is just un-nerving, to have someone smirking at you, but it's just... annoying that they won't stop doing it.

I anxiously tap my foot as I wait for class to end. Prongs is going to get a talking-to from one Alex Marqcues.

Professor Slughorn's lecture has been going on, in the same monotone, for the past 15 minutes. Merlin help us all.

When he finally dismisses us, I pack my stuff and make a beeline for James.

"Alright _what_ is with you _staring at me_ all during class?" I ask angrily, my eyebrows furrowed.

He just grinned at me. "Sorry, Alex." He said, ruffling my hair, "That's not for me to say." He smirked, walking off and disappearing into the crowd and leaving me wondering what the _bloody hell_ is going on.

**xXx**

I slumped into my seat for Defense Against the Dark Arts only minutes before class started.

I don't know how I had managed to get so behind during the day, but I was now very tired and completely out of it. I was the last one in class and mostly everyone was looking at me. I just shrugged them off and got out my things.

As I turned to Professor Graff, I remembered Sirius sat next to me. Well, he was James's best mate, maybe he knew what he was going on about.

"Hey, Sirius... Do you know what's wrong with James? He's been giving me looks all day..." I mumbled to him as I dipped my quill in ink.

He shrugged. "There are lots of things wrong with him, love, and you just noticed?" he said with a grin appearing on his face.

I rolled my eyes at him, but smiled.

"I mean he's acting stranger than usual. He keeps smirking at me during Potions. Like he knows a secret but won't share it." I crossed my arms and huffed, thinking. James Potter _was_ going to tell me, or I'd find out myself. It's how I roll.

Sirius just smiled, shrugged, and started playing with my hair. "You never know with Prongs... He's always got something up his sleeve." He said, but there was something in his voice. Something that told me he knew something else.

"Oh, come o-"

"Ms. Marqcues and Mr. Black is there something you wish to share with the class?"

Damn. Should've guessed known Graff would catch us.

"Erm, no Professor. Sorry, won't happen again." I said quickly, ignoring the looks from the other students.

Professor Graff gave the two of us another look, then turned back to the class.

"Oh, yes it will..." Sirius muttered, his fingers still entwined in my hair.

I shoved him off and rolled my eyes.

He just grinned and chuckled softly as he turned his attention back to the lesson.

I sighed and shook my head. I should have guessed from day 1 that James Potter and Sirius Black would be trouble.

Too bad my gut told me that running away was the wrong choice.

Damn my instincts.

**xXx**

Divination was as usual; Professor Trelawney giving us something to laugh about without her knowledge. If she predicted things that would happen, maybe I'd believe her. Needless to say, Sirius and I sat in the back of the class doubling-over with laughter. I have to say, it was all great fun for us.

I'm not saying Sirius and I don't have good times normally, but man... who thought Divination could keep you smiling for the rest of the day?

When we finally crashed on the couch in front of the fire in the Gryffindor Common room, his head sitting in my lap as I repeatedly flick him and mess up his hair in an attempt to shake him off me, Remus and James waltz in the room, looking rather pleased with themselves. James more than Remus. Lily wasn't around, but James was still beaming.

"Alright James?" I asked, leaning my head backwards slightly so I could see him.

James glowed. "Yea, great, wonderful actually." He said, taking the seat next to the couch in front of the fireplace with us.

I raised an eyebrow at him as Sirius sat upright off of me to give James a wicked grin.

"Alright, mate, spit it out. What's got you in such a mood?" he asked as James just sat there smiling like an idiot.

I wondered if a slap would calm him down. Merlin knows he needs one.

James sighed. "Where do I begin?" he started, settling back into the chair. "Well, it might be what I have planned for Lily tomorrow night. Or that I actually got a passing grade on my potions essay..."

I stopped him, sitting forward and my eyebrows shooting up. "Hold on, what have you got planned for Lily?" I asked quickly. "Oh, and congrats on the pass. Miracles do happen." I teased as Sirius chuckled and James rolled his eyes.

James wasn't the best Potions master in the world. He normally doesn't do very well on essays, and he only just barely passes his exams. With Lily's help, naturally. She, on the other hand, is a dab-hand at Potions. Bloody brilliant at it...

I kept staring at James. "Well, come on, tell me. I'm eager to know!" I said, making a _go-on_ gesture with my hands.

Judging by the smile on James face, I knew Lily was going to be a happy girl. I was enthralled. I always liked James, and I always sort of thought it'd be just excellent if Lily and James we're together. My smile widened.

James instead stood up and started walking away.

"Wha... Where do you think you're going?" I asked, getting up and running after him, grabbing onto his shoulder.

"You're going to have to find out yourself. After it happens." He said, walking up to the boy's dorm.

"I... James! Oh, you're so on my nerves!" I said angrily to no one in particular.

Remus took my momentary silence to join in. "Because he didn't tell you? Well, don't people like surprises?" he said, stepping out of his corner and into the conversation.

I smiled. "No, not because he won't tell me. Sort of. Yea, I guess it'd be nice to know. But now I can be as surprised as Lily. But it's just... a few other things that happen. He's always smirking at me at Potions, and won't tell me what's going on..." I said with a shrug.

Remus nodded, then shrugged himself. "I never know with James. He's always got something up his sleeve." He said.

I quickly gasped, then pointed at Sirius, then back to Lupin. "What... no no. That was too creepy." I said, rushing upstairs as Sirius just laughed.

It was just un-natural that they had just said the same thing about the same situation. Yea, they we're all best friends.

* * *

**Thanks so much for reading guys!**

**Sorry this one took a while, I needed a little nudge in the right direction :)**

**Coming soon: awesomesauce you won't want to miss**

**(Siriusly, I thought long and hard about chapter 6...)**

**~xoDA**


	6. The Enchantment

**Chapter 6: The Enchantment**

2 weeks have passed since James had last smother at me in potions. He's stopped, sort of. Whenever he first talks to me he smirks, then looks away.

I sit in Charms, my head in my hand as my elbow stays propped up on my desk, bored out of my mind.

Flitwik's gone of topic, Merlin help us all.

All I can think about is James's surprise to Lily, and her excitement when she told me what had happened that night 5 days ago.

"Alex, oh Alex, wake up!" lily said, pulling the covers of my bed off as if to rouse me faster.

"Lily what do you want? I'm tired..." I grumbled, turning over.

"Alex Marqcues get up! "she said, taking away my pillow now too.

"Hey!" I said angrily, sitting up since I had nothing left on my bed to go to sleep with. I rubbed my eyes sleepily. "Okay, I'm up. What do you want?"

Lily was absolutely ecstatic. I got that little 'light bulb-over-head' expression and my eyes immediately lit up as I realized what was going on. "Oh my Godric, what was James's surprise?" I asked, suddenly wide awake and no longer tired.

Lily sat down next to me on my bed. "Oh, Alex it was _wonderful_. He had me follow him into the Forbidden Forest. But it was close to Hagrid's hut and safe." She added quickly.

"Anyway, it was dark and to see, even with wand-light, but he insisted that we kept going. We came to a little clearing right in the forest. Alex, it was _amazing_! The clearing was bright and lit up by the moon and there was a huge gap in the trees so you could see straight up at the night sky. Being able to see all the stars... it was beautiful. We were having a wonderful time, pointing out the constellations and the stars... James seems to have a knack for Astronomy..." she trailed off.

I watched her as she told me about her experience. I was smiling brightly at her animated face.

She was completely lit up and her big green eyes were sparkling as she re-told the story to me, obviously enjoying the memories. James had made her a very happy girl.

Eventually she got worn down and told me she was heading off to bed, and walked away smiling joyfully.

The next day in Potions class, I had told James of how happy Lily was when she told me what had happened. I told him how Lily was probably the happiest girl I knew at the moment. He seemed pretty pleased with that.

"Really?" he asked, his face perking up and a genuine smile spreading across his face.

"Yea, she woke me up as soon as she got back, apparently, and told me all about it. It sounded quite spectacular. Lily thought so." I said, beamed at him.

When James Potter liked a girl, you could see it in his eyes. And with Lily Evans, his eyes looked like mini suns.

"I had hoped she's like it. She's always talking about how she loves the night sky. And, I don't know... It seemed like a good idea to me."

"It was a brilliant idea, James! She also says you're good at Astronomy." I said, nudging him.

He chuckled. "Yea. I guess you could say that." He grinned.

Back in reality, I sighed.

Suddenly there was a chill in the room and you could hear Professor McGonagall's voice throughout all of Hogwarts.

* * *

"_Attention students. In 2 weeks time there will be a Masquerade Ball. Please come pick up an enchanted mask in the room just next to Great Hall at least 1 week before the ball."_

A ball? No, a _masquerade_ ball. And _enchanted masks_. Well, this would be interesting.

I assumed the enchantment on the masks made it harder to tell who the wearer was, but honestly, if James or Lily put on a mask, I'd still be able to tell it was them in a heartbeat.

Then my eyes lit up and I had an idea.

I raised my hand.

"Excuse me, Professor." I said.

"Yes, Alex?" Professor Flitwik asked. He was one of the few teachers who called me Alex.

"May I use the bathroom?" I asked.

"Of course you may." He said, turning back to the chattering class.

I smiled. I snuck my things into my bag and walked out with it, hoping many people didn't see. Class was almost over anyways. And besides, it's not like we would be able to really learn anything useful after that announcement.

I made my way the opposite of the bathroom and towards the Grand Staircase, down to the rooms by the Great Hall.

I was going to buy a mask.

As I walked into the room McGonagall had mentioned, my pace slowed down. I stared around the room at the mask-covered shelves and glass cases.

My gaze had then landed on Professor McGonagall herself as she stood in the front of the room looking over a few things. She looked up at me as I approached where she stood.

"Hello Miss Marqcues." She said.

"Hello Professor..." I said dazed, still admiring the masks.

They were all very marvelous. They came in a variety of colors, then there were those with more than one color, and shapes. There were loads of shapes. Circles, squares, ovals, even a few animal shapes. A butterfly or a dragon. There were all stunning. But I had to ask...

"Um, Professor. How does the 'enchantment' on the masks work?" I asked hesitantly.

"Ah, well, you see... The spell makes anyone who looks at the wearer unable to tell who they are. They might recognize hair or eyes, but the spell prevents them from actually getting that realization of who you are. It steers your mind away from the answer."

My eyes lit up. "Really, that's... actually quite brilliant. Now no one will be able to recognize anyone..." I said fascinated.

McGonagall smiled. "Magic comes in handy when hiding your identity, Miss Marqcues."

I smiled and nodded at her, then turned back to the masks.

I bit my lip. Like I said, they were all amazing, but none of them really caught my attention, until I glanced at the back row of masks.

"Professor, may I see that mask?" I asked, pointing to the one on the left-most side of the shelf.

She nodded and got down the mask for me.

Oh yes, this was the one I wanted.

It was like an oval with the little crock for the nose, but on the left side the was a sort of extension over the top, making it somewhat taller. It was like flat square diamonds, stacked one atop the other right over the left eye. The mask itself was a metallic black, with silver swirls and patterns etched on in a thin line. It was beautiful.

"I'll take this one." I told Professor McGonagall, not taking my eyes off the mask.

"Alright, that'll be 2 Galleons, 3 sickles, and 5 knuts." She responded, taking the mask from me to put into a box.

I paid the amount and took the bag with the box in it. I smiled.

As I turned to leave, classes had just ended and you could hear the mass wave of students fill the halls and stairs, obviously heading right for all the masks.

I pushed my way through the crowd and to the door. I was practically gasping for air as I walked out. I did see Sirius walking amongst the crowd.

I smiled and waved at him, moving out of the way of several 4th years. He returned the gesture and we went our separate ways.

Well, I had my mask.

Now all I needed was a dress.

* * *

**Sorry for taking so long, being in LA for a weekend really puts a damper on my writing and posting.**

**But here you all are, and I have tons of ideas in store :)**

**~xoDA**


	7. Assumptions

**Chapter 7: Assumptions**

There was talk of the ball everywhere I went; classes, Great Hall, library, the girls lavatory. Anywhere you would find a group of 2 or more girls, the ball was being discussed.

It was kind of annoying to hear about all the time, but I do admit to have talked about it myself. Mostly to Rachel and Lily but occasionally with some of the other girls in my dorm.

Even the marauders had discussed it. Not at length... but it had been talked about.

I sighed. Rachel and I were sitting in the Great Hall right around lunch time. I was at her table this time, with all those genius Ravenclaws.

We were not necessarily talking about the ball itself, but the whole '_masquerade_-no-one-knows-it's-you' deal.

"I think it's brilliant! Now not only is there no problem with house rivalry, but you can find some mystery guy who sweeps you off your feet." Rachel said, her eyes lighting up.

She's been in a great mood for a few weeks now. And so has Remus. It was completely clear as day that they had feelings for each other, it was kind of adorable. But sometimes I just want to shove them in a broom cupboard until they become a couple.

I sighed in response. "Wouldn't that be nice, meeting some charming guy at the ball. Too bad we won't know who he is." I said, shattering her fantasies. She glared at me and shook her head.

"Oh, please Alex. You can be such a letdown sometimes. I _know_ you would be just as excited as I would be to meet some handsome guy. With Lily and James together, and Remus, ah... taken-" she gave me her signature 'don't-even-think-about-it' look, "-It'd be obvious to me that you might want someone too. I would." She said simply.

"Rachel, I don't need a guy just because my friends do." I gave her a look. Then I smiled and flipped my hair dramatically. "Besides, no guy is worthy of me." I said, sticking my nose in the air as Rachel laughed.

"Oh, and trust me Rachel, Remus is all yours." I said with a smile, which she happily returned.

She shrugged. "All I'm saying is that this is the perfect opportunity. But either way, we're going together. I am _not_ walking into a ball without my best friend by my side."

I smiled. Technically, you aren't supposed to tell anyone what you're wearing or who you are. But, come on, how can I _not_ go with Rachel? I need that best friend support.

"Well, we'll just meet up in a secret place before the ball and walk together." I said as she beamed.

"Great! This is going to be fantastic! I have to get to class, see you later, Alex!" she called as she walked off.

"See you!" I said, waving as she left.

I got up and walked back over to the Gryffindor table.

To my amazement, Sirius was the only one there. The _only _one. There were now bimbos or tramps surrounding him. Whoa.

I raised an eyebrow at him as I sat down across from him at the table. "You alright? The familiar haze of cheap perfume seems to be lacking around a certain Gryffindor."

He cracked a smile at me. "I think they're all too busy worrying about the ball." He said, shrugging it off, and grinning at me.

I scrunched up my face. "What?" I asked him, looking him up and down.

"Why aren't you all worried and everything, Alex?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

I laughed. "Oh come on, Padfoot, you know me..." I looked around at the other girls. "...I never worry about these things..." I said distractedly.

He just sighed, turned his body so his legs were on the bench beside him, and leaned on the table. "Yea, I know. But I just thought you might worry a little bit. Even I am, just a bit."

"And why is that?" I asked, leaning onto the table myself.

"Because. How will I know if anyone will dance with me?" he said simply.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, please Sirius. You could have any girl in Hogwarts..."

Sirius leaned across the table towards me, getting much closer to my face than I anticipated. "Does that include you, _Alexandra?_" he said softly, drawing out my name as long as possible.

Without another word, he got up and walked away, leaving me staring after him with my mouth hanging open.

**xXx**

I pursed my lips, tapping my fingers against my desk in Arithmancy.

I couldn't think. I couldn't concentrate. I could barely keep my eyes focused on what Professor Vector was saying. My mind was whirling with Sirius's words. And the fact that he actually used my full name. Out of all my friends, he actually had _never_ called me Alexandra. Ever. Not even when we first met, he called me Alex right away. The fact that he actually said it was one thing, but the way he said it, and of course when he said it... It sent shivers up my spine just thinking about it.

But, it was only Sirius. We'd been friends all our years at Hogwarts, and even seen each other over summer. It's not like he was really going anywhere with this whole thing, was he?

I closed my eyes and sighed, leaning back in my seat.

I seriously needed to just forget about it and move on. I had some important things, like not failing 6th year, to do. "Did it really mean anything anyway? Or was it all in my head?

"...so keep up with the homework and you'll do just..."

My mind kept getting side-tracked, I couldn't pocus on the lesson or anything the Professor was saying.

"Alright, dismissed."

That was probably the only thing I heard all lesson.

Dazed, I grabbed my things and left the class.

I bumped into several people as I made my way slowly back tot eh common room.

"Sorry..." I mumbled to another person I ran into.

"Marqcues...?" I heard some say y name. It started as if a growl, but turned into more of a question.

I looked up. "Oh, sorry Snape..." I muttered again. I bit my lip. I really did not want to get into a row with anyone, let alone Snape...

He nodded, not really saying anything back to me. Then he squinted at me. "Um... you alright?" he asked awkwardly.

He wasn't really the one I'd ever go to with any of my problems, let alone have a decent conversation withy. But he wasn't yelling at me yet...

"Um, yea. Just... just got a lot on my mind." I said, managing a small, weak smile.

He nodded. "Well, ah, see you Marqcues." He said, nodding again stiffly at me and swiftly walking away.

Honestly, I didn't think much of the little interaction. Well, I didn't think much of anything besides Sirius.

I pursed my lips as I made my way up the stairs.

I was thinking about sitting in that comfy chair by the fire, keeping to myself, but as soon as I heard the chatter as I stepped through the Portrait hole, I knew that wasn't happening.

My head was already spinning at a million miles an hour, and added talk of the ball was _not _helping my increasing headache.

I squished past all the chattering girls, and was about to take the final steps to the stairs up to my nice comfy bed, when a hand grabbed my arm and pulled me towards a small table and right onto his lap. I groaned.

"Sirius, I'm tired. What do you want?" I asked, making a point of not looking into his eyes.

He slung his arm over my shoulder and chuckled. "Someone's in a grumpy mood." He commented.

I huffed. "Grumpy doesn't begin to describe my mood..." I mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing, just... just mumbling to myself." I said quickly.

I attempted to get up, but Sirius was pretty adamant about me getting a headache, sense he was not letting me go.

I groaned and slumped in defeat, burying my head in his chest.

After a while, I finally spoke up. "Did you want something? Or are you just trying to torture me?" I asked, my head still pressed against his robes.

I felt him shrug. "Not really. I felt lonely and needed friends." He said.

I lift my head and look at him. "So you decide to choose me to be your company, with my irritability, stubbornness, and 'grouchy' mood? Why not Remus, or James?" I asked, giving him an odd look.

He shrugged again. "James is off with Lily somewhere, Merlin knows what they're doing, and I haven't seen Remus since Transfiguration." He said.

I raised an eyebrow. Not only was it odd that Remus wasn't huddling in a corner with a book, but now that I thought about it... I hadn't seen Rachel since we talked at the Great Hall.

I smiled though. "Do you think Remus actually fancies Rachel?" I asked Sirius.

He thought a moment, looking at me seriously. "Well, I'd say he definitely has some sort of feelings for her." He shifted slightly as I was still sitting on him. Hm... I made another lunge for the chair next to him, but he firmly held me down. Damn. "Remus hasn't really, well, shown any interest in _any_ girl before." He said, completely ignoring the fact that he was still holding me down.

I almost snorted, but realized I would probably look a bit like an idiot. Instead I just smirked. "Well, he's definitely showing interest in her." I said, laughing softly. I looked Sirius up and down, deciding it was safe to trust him with this piece of news. "Well, Rachel really does fancy him..." I said as he raised an eyebrow. I shrugged in response.

"And when did she say this, may I ask?" he questioned.

"During History of Magic, after pressing her about it for ages." I said, smiling widely.

He nodded and smiled. "They obviously fancy each other, yet they don't do anything about it." He said, sighing. "Not much we can do about it I guess." He said.

I shrugged. "'Fraid not." I eyed the stairs. Then I looked back at Sirius.

"Oh, wow, look at the time." I said, pretending to yawn. "I've completely wrecked since lunch, I better head up to bed." I said, slowly getting him off, not wanting to be violently pulled again. This time, however, he let me go.

"Alright, I guess I've held you against your will long enough." He said, chuckling.

I rolled my eyes and picked up my bag again. "Night Sirius."

"Night Alex." He called after me as I finally walked up the stairs to my dorm, and my bed.

I changed for bed and sat down with a slight thump.

As I curled up in the blankets of my four-poster, I had the distinct feeling that Sirius Black was up to no good.


	8. Crushes and Fantasies

**Chapter 8: Crushes and Fantasies**

I woke the next morning feeling much better than I had the day before.

I put on my robes and ran a brush through my tangled mess of hair. I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. I hadn't really bothered with make-up, only concealer, but I suspected the rest of the girls in my dorm, especially Lily, would be _dying_ to attack me with make-up.

I was afraid to let them near my face with _any_ form of make-up.

Mascara probably, and blush. Most likely no eye shadow and liner. My eyes are fine how they are. And don't get me _started_ on lipstick. I'll stick with good ol' fashioned lip gloss.

I sighed and walked out of the bathroom and back to my bed and trunk. I grabbed my bag, wand, and shoes, and walked down into the common room.

I sat down in a chair to put on my shoes. There were a few people milling about, but no doubt the rest of them we're all down in the Great Hall munching on toast and eggs.

I stood up again and walked back down the Grand Staircase and into the Great Hall myself, sighing as I took a seat next to Molly Prewett at our table.

The marauders were all absent from breakfast. Every one.

My eyebrows furrowed as I helped myself to some toast.

I started to look around for them, thinking they'd get hungry eventually, as Lily, smiling brightly, made her way towards me through the big doors.

It was also when I noticed a certain mousey-brown haired back and a raven-black haired girl talking to one another adamantly at the Ravenclaw table. I smile grew on my lips.

Lily, now sitting down on my right side, followed my gaze to the two students talking and gasped slightly.

"Alex, wouldn't it be wonderful if they got together? They're adorable as is..." she gushed, in complete girl fashion.

I laughed softly as I could see Rachel's hair and head bounce up and down as her blue eyes, perfectly fitting for a Ravenclaw, were alive in the heat of their discussion. "I hope so too, Lily." I said, turning back to my own table.

I glanced over at Lily again, and her happy mood. She was usually a happy person, don't get me wrong. And she wasn't one to get so down and depressed easily, but today she was _overly_ happy.

"What's got you in such a mood, Lily?" I asked, smiling myself. Smiling was contagious.

Her smile winded, if possible. "I found my dress for the ball! Oh, you have to see it, Alex. Promise me you'll come see it after class at lunch." She said.

"Of course I'll see it Lily." I sighed. "I should probably look for my own dress eventually." I said, shrugging and finishing off my toast.

"Well, you better hurry. The ball is getting closer, and all the good dresses will be gone." She warned.

I shrugged again. "I'll find one, don't you worry." I said, standing and walking out of the Great Hall.

I could almost feel Lily's eye roll.

**xXx**

I walked into Potions later that day feeling much more on-task that I had the previous day. I guess maybe I was starting to realize Sirius's words didn't mean anything, and I was just going mad over nothing. Although these was that sort of gnawing feeling in my gut, only for maybe a few seconds, every time I saw him.

Shaking my head as if to brush off the feeling, I sat down at my usual table next to James, taking out my book and homework.

James, having seen me take out said homework, lunged for it and began writing furiously.

"Oi! Can't you do your own homework, James?" I said, not bothering to try and take it back.

"I forgot. I was, erm, preoccupied..." he mumbled, not looking up from under his messy hair and glasses.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "With what?" Or, more likely, _who?_" I asked, smirking at him.

He rolled his eyes at me, obviously knowing who I assumed he was with. "You know, I do have a life outside of Lily Evans." He said, a slight smile forming, obviously amused with the topic.

I just shrugged. Teasing was kind of fun, and it always seemed to bug James the most. "Then what?" I asked, clearly finding no alternative to where he could be.

"I was talking with Sirius and Remus..." he said.

Cue the gnawing feeling.

"About..." I prodded, ignoring my gut and focusing on James. Other students began to gradually fill the empty seats.

He eyed me from his spot at the table. "Nothing in particular..." he muttered quickly.

I crossed my arms. "Oh, that is bull shit and you know it. What were you talking about that I can't know?" I asked incredulously. Between the four of us, James in particular, there were almost never any secrets.

He sighed, sat upright, and shoved my paper back at me. "Really, Alex. We were just sort of ranting about whatever. Nothing of your concern. If it was important, I'd tell you, right?" he said pointedly.

I knew he was holding something back, but I figured I'd let it slide. "Alright, fine. But... can I ask you something?"

He gave me an odd look, but nodded. "Yea... something wrong?"

"No, no I..." I pursed my lips, the question burning on my tongue. "Is Sirius alright? He's been acting a bit stranger than usual..."

James hesitated for maybe a half a second, then scrunched up his face. "Well, yea, he's fine...Just a bit nervous I guess. You know, the ball and all..." he said.

"But why would he worry? Why would any of you worry? I'm not worried for Merlin's sake!" I cried.

Really, a masquerade ball was all it took for my friends to go losing their marbles?

I guess I could see why James needed to worry. How did he know if Lily was going to go gallivanting off with some guy she met at the ball? But I did think Lily was bright enough, and fancied James enough, not to go off with a guy she didn't even know...

James shrugged. "You know us, Alex. It's the little things that get us worked up." He said with a grin.

I opened my mouth to protest, but Professor Slughorn had just entered.

"Sorry I'm late class. Alright, open your books to page 37, today we will be brewing _Volubilis _potion!" he said, clearly happy with the lesson.

I sighed and opened my book to the page. I then went over to gather ingredients.

I swear I saw a smirk grow on James's face.

**xXx**

The rest of the day was fairly simple. Only Arithmancy had been hard because I had completely blown it off the other day.

During lunch I had gone up to see Lily's dress for the ball.

She was practically squealing with delight as she extracted it from her things and held it up to herself, and me, in a mirror.

It was past the knee, about half way down the calf, a stunning light emerald color, and looked as if it would hug each curve in her body, until it slightly fanned out at the end. It was sleeved, with the sleeves loose and airy. There was a rope-like cut at the neckline, almost as if someone braided thick twine. It also ran along the bottom dress as well. As you looked, you could see a sort of checkered pattern on it, but it looked as if it had been drawn on in a very light maroon color.

It also _really_ showed off her bright green eyes. Even as she only held to her body, her eyes popped.

"Wow, Lily..." I said finally, smiling at her brightly.

A sudden thought struck me. "But... I thought we weren't supposed to tell other's what we're wearing." I said.

Personally, I didn't give a shit about the rule, since I was going to tell Rachel anyways, but lily was kind a rule-follower...

She sighed. "I know, but I just _had_ to show you Alex. Don't you like it?" she asked again, swaying slightly.

I grinned and giggled softly. Lily Evans? Breaking the rules? Unheard of...

"Of course I do Lily, it's gorgeous. And really shows off your eyes. Anyone who dances with you won't be able to take their eyes off of you." I said as her eyes sparkled with excitement.

**xXx**

Somehow, seeing Lily's dress almost got me into the spirit of the ball. I found myself talking more about it with the girls in Gryffindor. Of course, no one talked of dresses, following the rules, but we still had a great time talking about whatever came up.

The ball was getting closer, only about a week away and I still haven't found a dress...

I sighed, then mentally shrugged. I had more important things to focus on at the moment. Namely my Herbology lesson. We were studying wiggen trees and what effects wiggentree bark has in certain potions and remedies. I was taking notes like a good little student, since I had started falling behind in the class. It was only plants, I don't know how I had gotten off track like this...

"Now I want you all to pair up and follow me outside to go and get some wiggentree bark. The _proper_ way." Professor Torant said. Apparently those bowtruckles didn't like it when we wizards just stole from their tree...

I put away my quill and parchment, sighing. This was the one class I didn't share with any of my close friends. I looked around and spotted a nervous-looking young Hufflepuff girl. I smiled and walked towards her, figuring it'd be nice to help out a younger student, when Professor Torant called my name.

"Ms. Marqcues if you would please work with Mr. Snape. I'd like Mary here to assist me with something." He said, walking towards the Hufflepuff girl.

I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth.

Well, I wasn't going to disobey a teacher...

I turned on my heel and saw him standing in the doorway, looking as awkward as I felt.

Without saying anything to each other, we walked outside and over to the wiggentrees and stood near one without any students.

As Professor Torant explained what to do and how not to anger the bowtruckles, neither of us looked at each other, let alone spoke.

After he dismissed us to get started, Snape decided to say something.

"Alright, you stand on that side, I'll take this one." He said with his face stone-like.

I nodded and walked around the tree. I was wondering why he hadn't insulted me yet, when he spoke again.

"Tell me Marqcues, why do you hang around those gits?" he asked, keeping his eyes firmly on the tree as we both slowly approached it, wands raised, so the bowtruckles knew we weren't there to harm the tree.

My eyebrows rose. What gits? I was about to ask who he was going on about, when it hit me. James, Sirius, and Remus. I mashed my lips together, fighting back some string words in retort.

"They happen to be my friends. Why do you trouble yourself by asking?" I asked coolly, waving my wand in a circular motion as Snape waved his and stripped a bit of the bark off the tree slowly.

"Because. Even I know you're a bright person, Marqcues, and yet you still want to be around those scumbags..."

My concentration broke and my spell faltered, making the bowtruckle quite angry as he jumped from his spot up in the tree and positioned itself, ready to throw things at us. Snape and I both jumped back.

"Why...I thought you hated me, Snape? Why are you now giving me compliments?" I asked warily.

We had to give up on our tree, since the bowtruckle wasn't happy with us and had started lobbing chucks of dirt and tree at us. Class was almost at an end anyway. Luckily we had managed to get some bark.

"Don't flatter yourself. But I don't hate _you_, Marqcues. I hate those fucking marauders and what they've done to you." He muttered coldly, snatching up his bag and rushing out of class.

I too grabbed my bag and rushed after him, but as soon as I stepped into the crowded hallways, I knew he had disappeared.

I didn't understand his motives for telling me any of this.

So, what have James and Sirius and Remus done to me? Why was Snape even—My train of thought suddenly swerved off track and ran into a brick wall.

_Idiot_.

It hadn't crossed my mind that maybe he was _just_ talking about me being friends with the marauders. Not just me being a bright person, 'affected' by them.

Lily was a bright girl, Lily was friends with them, Lily was _dating_ one of them. Lily had been his friend.

I sighed and made my way towards the History of Magic classroom, thinking about Snape's words. Was he just getting out his feelings or something? Or had he been genuinely upset about losing Lily's friendship? Or was he serious about calling me bright?

Well, all of these could be true. I didn't know.

**xXx**

I made my way back to the common room, only bumping into someone once. This is something I would call an achievement. I didn't bother checking who was down here in the common room. No doubt Lily would have called my name to join a talk on the ball, James would call, 'Oi! Marqcues!' just because, Remus would politely tap my shoulder, and Sirius... well, Sirius would pull me against my will, somewhere to talk about Merlin-_knows_-what.

Needless to say, none of these things happened, therefore I just climbed up to the dormitory, and to my bed.

* * *

"_Well, maybe you should tell her, Pads..." Remus suggested as they snuck along the empty corridors._

"_Yea, says the wolf who won't tell the girl he's madly in love with he likes her..." Sirius retorted with a cheeky grin._

_Remus hit him. "I do not, now shut it!" he said angrily, much to Sirius's enjoyment, as his cheeks went scarlet. He sighed. "But why not? You're best mates, known each other forever. She's not just going to run off and start hating you..."_

_Sirius sighed. "Because. She doesn't even think of me like that anyways. There is no point in telling her. It'll just mess things up..." he muttered darkly._

"_Sirius, mate, come off it. You're _you_, Sirius 'get-anyone-wants Black. Right?"_

"_Not her. She's different, Remus. That's the reason I fell for her in the first place..."_

* * *

**Mildly happy with this chapter. Took me FOREVER to write the ending.**

**Let me know what you think, more coming soon :)**

**~xoDA**


	9. Unsettling Feelings

**Chapter 9: Unsettling Feelings**

"Alex I _told_ you we're only good mates okay?" Rachel said once again as we headed to the Great Hall for dinner 2 nights later..

"I know what you told me, but I know what you want to be..." I said knowingly, sticking my nose in the air just to piss her off.

She rolled her eyes. "You are hopeless. Haven't I told you enough that I'm perfectly happy where I am?"

I groaned. "_Yes_, but don't you think maybe you should try going to Hogsmeade or something together? Rachel, it's clear as day he fancies you, too. But you two are too stubborn to do anything about it!" I said loudly, sitting across from her at the Gryffindor table.

She seemed to be spending more time with us than sitting at the Ravenclaw table. Partially because we we're practically best friends, and partially because Remus just 'happen' to be a Gryffindor.

She glared at me and looked around. "Would you keep it down? I don't need all of Hogwarts knowing my love-life..." she grumbled.

My eyebrows rose and a devilish grin spread on my face. "Oh, so now you looooove him? Screw fancying, you looove Remus now?" I sang, causing Rachel to go into a frenzied panic.

"Alex Marqcues, will you _shut up!_" She said angrily, hitting my arm with her hand.

"What about me?"

We both turned our heads at the same time. My smile grew larger, and her eyes looked about the size of a saucer.

Remus looked between the two of us with a suspicious look. "Maybe I should go back to the common room..." he said.

"Oh, no! Don't leave! Rachel and I were just... talking." I said, eyeing her.

"About me?" he asked, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.. I saw him glance at Rachel, who was the color of my pumpkin juice.

I pursed my lips and looked over to see her giving me a pleading look. _Don't-say-anything_. That's what her look told me.

"Well... we were only talking about how you and James and Sirius are just really good mates, you know? And how you don't end up fighting each other. Much." I said with a shrug.

He nodded, obviously buying my story, and took a seat across from me and next to Rachel. "Well, we've been through a lot together. Kind of makes fighting pointless." He said, smiling and reaching for some pumpkin juice.

I smiled. "Well, let's hope it stays that way. Could you imagine what would happen if James and Sirius got into a row? They'd tear each other limb-from-limb if they were really angry at each other..." I said smiling, reaching for food. I was starved.

Remus laughed. "It'd be quite a show to watch, I think. Although I'd hate to see my best mates' in pieces." He said.

I laughed and even Rachel smiled. I managed to kick her under the table and glance at Remus. She gave me a look before turning and striking up conversation with him.

Sometimes she was the quietest person I know. But, come on, Remus is a great person! You can't just ignore him... And they get on like they were made for each other.

Not a moment later, Sirius, James, and Lily came in, James and Sirius walking with their usual cocky attitudes. James and Lily sat down by Remus and Rachel, and Sirius sat down on my right. In usual Sirius fashion, he ran his fingers through his shaggy mess of hair and draped his arm around me like I was any other girl.

I was used to it, it happened on a regular basis. I sometimes wondered if he had an issue with sitting upright.

"Hey James, Lily, Sirius." I said, reaching for my goblet.'

James and Sirius were sharing a look as Lily had joined in Remus and Rachel's conversation. I looked back at James and Sirius's faces. It looked as if they were having a mental conversation.

"Um, everything alright?" I asked, feeling kind of awkward and out of the loop.

James finally broke his gaze with Sirius and turned to me, smirking slightly.

"Yes, Alex. Everything's just great." He said with a smug smile.

"Erm... well, alright then..." I eyed James warily, then flicked my gaze to Sirius. He seemed to be mentally telling James to shove it. Um, can you say awkward?

"So!" I said, clapping my hands together. "What about that Charms lesson?" I said, hoping to steer away from all the funny feelings between the two boys/

Sirius laughed and squeezed my shoulder. "Ah, Alex... only you would want to change the subject back to school work..." he said, a slightly glint in his eye as he said so.

"Well, what did you want me to change it to? Make-up and boys?" I asked incredulously, picking the two subjects girls gossip about the most. It probably wasn't my best line, judging from the looks on Sirius and James's faces.

Sirius raised an eyebrow and even moved back just a tiny bit. "What boys would care to talk about, Alex? Fancy someone do you?" he teased, poking my sides and grinning.

I swatted his hand away and rolled my eyes at him, even if my cheeks redden. "No, I don't fancy anyone. But it's not like I don't talk about boys like the rest of the girl population." I said, sticking my tongue out at him and shoving him slightly.

"Well, who do you talk about?"

"What's it to you who I talk about?" I asked, swallowing hard.

"Well, do you talk about you handsome, charming best mate?" he asked with a cocky smile as I rolled my eyes at him.

James piped in. "Ahem, I do believe it's 'mates' Sirius, plural. You can't forget about me, can you Alex?" he asked, grinning.

"Trust me, I've tried..." I muttered. Sirius heard me though, and roared with laughter. He shot James a guilty look and calmed down.

I rolled my eyes at both of them. "You know, you two are so full of yourselves I'm surprised you don't burst."

The boys both gave a hearty laugh at my comment, obviously finding it rather comical. I shook my head forlornly.

"Alright, well, I have an Arithmancy paper I haven't finished. See you all later." I called, standing up. Lily gave me a smile and a wave, Rachel a wide grin, and Remus a polite smile.

Ah Remus, the ever-charming civil one.

Before I stood, Sirius gave my shoulder one final squeeze and then let me go.

Gnaw, gnaw, gnaw...

I grabbed my bag and walked out of the Great Hall and up the Grand Staircase. I heard a few of the Portraits talking with each other, Peeves tormenting some 1st years, and the Slytherins cackling about something a floor below me. Everything was just right here at Hogwarts. Well, almost everything.

It was obvious Sirius was up to something, James in on it too, that I couldn't know.

It would only lead to trouble.

I climbed through the porthole and into the common room. There weren't many people out here, only a few doing homework and playing wizard chess in the corner of the room. I took a seat at an empty table and took out my quill and parchment. I then opened my book, sighed unhappily as I eyed the essay, and got to work

I really didn't want to do it, nor did I have to leave dinner for it. But, I just sort of felt as if I needed some time to myself, to collect my thoughts and get my bearings.

There wasn't a lot of sorting to do; actually, everything was almost straight forward. Until Sirius popped up in my head. I set down my quill and put my head in my hands, groaning.

I didn't have a _clue_ what to think about him. For starters, I hadn't seen a swarm of girls around him in days, and he seemed to be spending more time trying to under my skin. But why? I mean, Sirius had always been like the brother I never had, since I was an only child, and I know brothers are _supposed_ to bug you; it was practically their job... So why did this feel different?

Something was different with him something had changed. And it was recent, not like he'd changed in their 3rd year or something. Or maybe something _had_ happened, and he was just now showing it? Or what about if he knows about me kissing Grayson Mersin in the Quidditch stands in their 5th year? No, he didn't know that... I hadn't told anyone that. Except Rachel. But it was one time and just because I had a small crush on him. And then I figured out he was just a hateful person who was obviously unsatisfied with one girl and had to cheat on her for no reason. But that wasn't the point. The point was that that couldn't be the problem. Why would it be? And why had I even considered that an issue anyways? I hadn't thought about that day in almost a year...

He was just screwing up my head now. Making me come up with weird conspiracies. Oh Merlin he's making me crack under pressure.

I sighed and rested my head on the table, thinking maybe if I just cleared my head everything would be just dandy. I closed my eyes for a second, breathing heavily and wanting to relax. To just wave this all off as me being over-dramatic.

**xXx**

"Shhh! You'll wake her up!"

"But I'm trying to tell you that you can't get up there!"

"Oh please. I can get anywhere."

The next thing I knew, I was being scooped up into someone's strong, familiar arms and carried up a flight of stairs.

It was obviously a boy, or else whoever-it-was wouldn't have told him he couldn't go up. All girls could up to the dorms, but whenever boys tried... well, they got a little surprise as they would slide back down to the bottom.

_How_ he got us up there was a mystery to me. I hadn't opened my eyes it, realizing just how tired I really was, but I had felt being slightly jostled as the boy found his way into the dorm. It dawned on me that I must've fallen asleep after setting my head down on the table to relax. Well, sleep was relaxing.

The boy carefully set me down in my bed, pulling back the covers and then putting them back over me again.

"Thank you..." I muttered sleepily as I curled up in the blankets.

"You're welcome, Alex." The boy said softly, kissing the top of my head.

My heart sped up; my breathing became quick and nervous as the boy left my dorm room. I don't know why I didn't realize it before, maybe it was because he was so close when he spoke this time.

Sirius Black just carried me off to bed. Sirius Black had whispered to me softly as he tucked me in. Sirius Black just kissed the top of my head.

_Oh wow..._

**xXx**

My lips were pursed as I stood at the top of the steps of the girls dormitory. My bag was over my shoulder as usual and my robes on my tall frame. My hands were clammy, my breath quick and uneasy. I shuffled my feet and clenched and unclenched my fists. I was nervous.

I don't know how, I don't know why, I can't explain it. But something had completely changed last night. Or, rather, something was realized. Well, maybe it was assumed?

I don't think I'll look at Sirius much the same, not that I think, no, I _know_, that whatever he and James are hiding, _extremely_ involves me quite a bit. I don't really know how I came to that conclusion from anything last night, but... I was just sort of thinking about they were hiding it from me, not wanting to tell me anything, and the two of them were always sharing looks whenever _I_ was around. And once the thought crossed my mind, I almost knew it had to be true.

I took a deep breath and walked downstairs and into the common room, wondering if it would look odd if I didn't speak to anyone... I was only a few steps from reaching the portrait hole when...

"Alex! Hey, Alex!"

Damn.

I turned around to see Alice, a short-haired girl in our year, calling my name excitedly.

"Hey, Alice..." I said warily. Sirius wasn't around that I could see.

"Alex! So, do you... remember anything from last night?" she asked, fiddling with something I her hands and eyeing me suspiciously.

Thinking back on it, I recognized the girl's voice from last night, it was Alice. No doubt she had her suspicions about Sirius being the one to carry me in. Oh, I was _not_ in the mood.

"Um, not particularly... I remember being carried up by someone, being set down, and going to bed. Not much else..." I lied, hoping my voice didn't crack to show I was lying.

"Well, it was _Sirius_. Sirius Black. He carried you. Don't know how he got up there though..."

I suppressed a smile. Of course, Sirius would baffle everyone with his ways of getting into the girls dormitory. Also, naturally Sirius just 'happened' to know how to get up there. The thought of him being up there before kind of made my insides churn. I shrugged in response. "Well, he is one of my best mates, you know..." I said, hoping she'd just leave it at that.

I was wrong. She crossed her arms at me. "Well, he was pretty adamant about doing it himself. Not me or James, had to be him." She said knowingly.

I smiled and shrugged again. "Well, it was nice of him. My bed was much more comfortable than that table. See you, Alice." I said, backing out of the portrait hole before she could question me further.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. Not at Alice, but just at how odd it was that one tiny thing, like putting someone in bed, could change everything.

My palms were still clammy as I walked into the Great Hall and sat down. Remus was there, reading a book, as were James and Lily deep in conversation, but Sirius was absent from the group.

I finally calmed down and sat next to Remus, picking at my eggs and nibbling on some toast. Remus glanced at me warily, then cracked a smile.

"Sleep well last night Alex?" he asked, not looking at me from his book.

My head snapped over to him. "Um, yea... you know, beds are comfy..." I said, sipping my pumpkin juice. Either way, no matter how much I tried to stop myself, I still turned pink.

"More comfortable than Sirius's arms?" I heard James mumble under his breath as Lily smiled.

I swallowed hard. Then I looked over at him and rose an eyebrow. I crossed my arms as well. "I don't think I'd remember very much James. I was asleep when he carried me." I said, staring hard at him. Maybe he'd crack under pressure?

He looked at me and gave me that 'James-Potter-smirk' and looked down at his breakfast.

Yea, something was _definitely_ going on. Something involving me. And I wish I knew what it was. But sadly enough, I knew he wouldn't come clean easily.

"Alex, have you found your dress for the ball?" Lily asked me suddenly, obviously seeing the awkward situation between James and I.

I groaned. "Sort of. I've seen a few I like. And I've narrowed it down considerably." I said, as Lily rolled her eyes and sighed.

What was she, my mother? "I'll find one, Lily, okay? I'm going, therefore I need a dress. I'll get one. It is what it is, Lily." I gave her a reassuring smile.

She held up her hands in surrender as I scooped up my toast and my bag. For me, I had to start walking to get to class on time. I started walking out of the Great Hall but turned around quickly and looked at James.

"Oh, and James? I have something I need to ask you about in Potions, alright?" I said, turning and walking away without waiting for an answer.

"Hey Alex!"

"Hey Sirius." I said back, without even a second thought.

"Oh, yea, hey." I said again, probably not helping my genius points as I realized it really was Sirius talking to me. Cue the clammy hands.

"Hey...?" he said again, giving me a confused smile.

I smiled at him nicely and tried to ignore those odd feelings in the pit of my stomach as I looked at him. "Oh, uh, thanks for ah, putting me to... bed..." I said awkwardly. How does one phrase that kind of thanks?

He looked down at his shoes a moment, losing his smile for just a second, but just as quick he looked back up at me and smiled. "Any time, Alex. It's what friends are for, eh?" he replied, hitting my arm lightly and walking into the Great Hall.

I smiled and nodded at his words. As much as it was true, about friends helping each other out and all, I couldn't help but think back to when he had hesitated, almost lost his 'cool' you might say. It wasn't like Sirius to drop his cocky attitude and confident smile. It was like he was thinking about something else to say.

Oh, what I'd give to know what he was thinking.

* * *

**Sorry this took so long, I was having sirius problems with my previous notes. :\**

**I had to cut the chapter I had planned on into 2 different chapters, this one and the next.**

**Let me know what you think of this, review if you wish.**

**Next chapter is called 'Dresses and Ties'. ****I bet you all know what that means!**

**~xoDA**


	10. Dresses and Ties

**Chapter 10: Dresses and Ties**

"_Tell me_ you have your dress Alex. The ball is in _2 days_ and it you don't have a dress I may have to go pick-"

"Lily Evans will you calm down? I actually found a dress, alright?" I told her, interrupting her rant, sighing exasperated.

She looked at me and smiled happily. "Really? Oh, great! I bet it looks amazing, Alex, but don't tell me!" she said quickly. "I only want to find out after the ball is over. Breaking the rules once is plenty for me." She said.

I gave her an odd look, but I had already seen hers... I sighed and didn't argue. Obviously she thought it bad to break one tiny rule once and then leave it at that.

"Alright. I actually got it yesterday." I said sheepishly. "But I'd been looking at it for a while, wondering if it was worth the galleons. Oh, Lily _it is_. You should see it. It's wonderful. After the ball, when I show you, you'll love it." I said happily. We were on our way to Transfiguration now when she started going on about my dress for the umpteenth time.

I made a mental note to tell Rachel later what it looked like... It had taken me quite some time to find my dress; I hadn't just been lazy about it like Lily seemed to think. But why was she riding me? I bet James didn't have what he was wearing yet...

We walked into class, bid each other good luck for class, and took our seats. I sat more towards the left, back of the class. Lily was more middle, front.

"Okay, class. Today we will be studying animagi. Now animagi are wizards who can..." I started zoning out. I know, I know, I should pay attention to class... But, really, when your 2 best guy friends are animagi-wizards, I think I know all I want about animagi. Lily probably could've zoned out too, but she was taking notes like a good little student.

I leaned back in my chair; the more I thought about the ball, the more I realized I might me more nervous than I let on.

For starters, I was suddenly thinking that the whole 'don't-know-anyone-is' bit wasn't so cool. What is I was dancing with some crappy Slytherin? Or, Merlin forbid, James or Remus? Lily and Rachel would have my head. I mean, it wasn't bad to dance with them, it's happened before at other balls. But I could see their faces and know who they are then. I could only imagine the scenarios when I didn't know who they were and how easily it could go wrong...

Secondly, if I did meet some mystery man, I couldn't see him after the ball because I don't know who he is since, once again, no one knows who everyone is!

But I guess that's the real scope of this whole thing isn't it? Meet someone and have a fantastic time, then the next day you move on but have those happy memories, right? Well, there was nothing preventing us from revealing ourselves _after_ the ball was over. I suspected most people would, just so they could maybe figure out who they had danced with.

I sighed. Maybe I should focus on the lesson on animagi. At least that wouldn't make my brain go hay-wire...

"It takes lots of practice, hard work, and vastly advanced magic to actually become an animagus. And you must be registered..."

I smiled. For James and Sirius, 'must be registered' was more of a suggestion. Not that it wasn't fantastic, them being animagi, I always thought it was, but I still couldn't help but worry they'd get caught and be shipped off to Azkaban. But knowing those two, they'd probably find a way to make being locked up for eternity fun.

"Alright. I want half a roll of parchment on animagi. On my desk Friday. Dismissed." McGonagall told us as class ended.

Friday was the day of the ball.

_Oh, calm down Alex, you're being much more over dramatic than usual..._ I told myself as I packed my things into my bag.

Besides, this essay would be simple. I could have it done today if I wanted. I probably would, just to have it done with. I made myself a mental note to ask James and Sirius a few questions about how they actually became animagi. I looked up, hoping to catch Lily on the way out, but she was busy talking to Professor McGonagall.

I caught her eye and gave her a small wave. She smiled back at me and I heard out the door, slinging my bag over my shoulder. There were students crowding the halls, cramming and shoving, trying to go to other classes or the Great Hall. I was meeting Rachel in the Hall so we could go to History of Magic. Also to tell her that I'd finally managed to get a dress. She's had hers for at least a week. At least she hadn't been bugging me like Lily...

I walked up the few steps and through the big doors to where Rachel was standing.

"Alex! I found a _great_ way that we can show each other our dresses, and meet. There's an odd-looking corner on the 5th floor where it sort of curves in and is well-hidden. If we get there before the ball, no will ever know!" she told me, clearly feeling the spirit of the ball with all her excitement.

"That's brilliant! I got a dress, finally. Oh Rachel you'll love it! It's about knee-"

"DON'T!"

I jumped about a foot in the air as she shouted at me.

"O-okay... I guess you want to find out later..." I said, collecting myself from the recent fright she just gave me.

"Yes. I do. We've already been breaking one rule by meeting up, I think we can wait 2 nights to see it." She said, adjusting her bag.

We started walking, me feeling much better knowing I'd go into the dance knowing at least 1 person.

"Well, either way, I still can't wait. It's getting to me now. And it's so _annoying_." I groaned to her as we walked.

Rachel laughed. "I know what you mean. But I don't think we can help it, when all the other blokes are so hyped up about it..." she said with a shrug.

I sighed. "Yea, but everything is making me nervous these days..."

Rachel gave me an odd look. "Alex, you're never nervous. Something serious is happening isn't it?"

Oh she had no idea how '_Sirius_' it was. "Just...just some stupid bloke making me question everything I know..." I muttered, shaking my head in dismay. He did, he made me question things I so did not think questionable. Like my sanity.

She grabbed my arm and stopped me from walking. "Wait, what bloke? Who is he? Are you... Do you fancy someone Alex Marqcues?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips and raising an eyebrow.

"Wha...No, I don't fancy anyone!" I cried incredulously. "Just some odd stuff happening recently. It's nothing; I'm just over reacting..." I said with a wave of my hand. I think I was just trying to convince myself more than Rachel.

Rachel gave me a hard stare, then sighed. "Well, it's got to be some pretty big stuff to make you, nervous Alex." She said at last. We had resumed our walk; we were nearly there.

"Yea, but, I think just all the talk of the ball got me over-thinking this. I'm just going mad now. Noting out of the ordinary." I said with have sarcasm and a shrug as we stepped into the classroom. There were still students milling about the room, but it looked as if we may be the last few stragglers into class.

Rachel laughed. "Of course, Alex. Alright, well, see you after class. If I'm still awake that is..." she said with an eye roll.

I chuckled quietly, as class had started, and took my seat.

"Alright class. Today we will be discussing something on the development of magic in the 1500s..."  
Oh, damn, maybe I'd be the first one asleep this time...

**xXx**

"...off, martin! Leave the poor kid alone!"

"Why should I? He's just a filthy mudblood! And a _Gryffindor_!" I heard a girl sneer at the boy she was clearly arguing with.

"Don't even go there! That's no reason to hex him!" The boy roared. Yes, I did know that voice. It was Sirius. Well, no surprise there. He's always fighting people...

"_Rictusempra!"_ the girl shouted.

I rounded the corner, drew my wand, and looked at the scene. I saw Sirius crumpled on the floor but starting to get back up, a girl, clearly Slytherin, jeering at him and pointing her wand, and a very young Gryffindor boy whimpering in a corner, clutching his arm that was covered in ropes.

The Slytherin didn't see me, or else I'm sure she would've rounded on me, so I rushed up to the boy. He was crying softly, in obvious pain. "Hey, it's alright. What happened?" I asked him quietly, trying to get a good look at his arm.

"She...she hexed me. I-I don't know what it was, b-but she yelled _Incarceous_ at me and ropes started tightening on my arm..." the boy told me.

"Oh, ouch. That must hurt. Here, let me see. It'll be alright..." I soothed, taking the boys arm. "_Diffindo_." I said softly. The ropes fell away, but there were bruises left behind.

"That feels better." He said, rubbing his arm.

"Yea, that hex is a nasty one... DO you know who that is?" I asked, looking back at the girl. She looked like she wanted to kill someone... Sirius obviously knew, but this was not the time to get acquainted with her.

He nodded. "Yea, that's Ginger Martin. She's always picking on a few guys in my year, and me. I wish I was brave like Sirius..." he said.

"Hey, you're plenty brave. You just have to grow into it. Trust me, everyone starts out like you, and then they grow up. You'll be like Sirius one day." I said to him.

He smiled brightly at me and then turned top look at Sirius with admiration. I looked too. He had her at wand-point, her own wand on the floor several paces away. I couldn't help but feel some sort of pride towards him. I mean, yea he may be my best friend and you're supposed to be all proud and all, but.. I don't know. It felt different.

"Shove off, Martin. You've hurt the kid enough." He told the girl, Ginger, with a glare that looked as if it could kill.

"If I had, he wouldn't be at Hogwarts anymore." She jeered, but picked up her wand and stalked off.

Sirius lowered his wand and turned to look at me and the boy. "You alright, Max?" he asked the boy standing next to me.

Max nodded and beamed up at Sirius like he was a celebrity. "Yea, I'm fine. She helped me." He said, pointing at me. I smiled.

"Yea, Alex is great. Always knows the counter-curse." Sirius said, giving me a grateful smile.

I shrugged and stood up from my knees. "It's nothing, Remus taught be that in our 3rd year when I got hit by Snape in the halls."

"Well, either way, thank you." He said to me, then turned to Sirius. "You were amazing! Can you teach me spells like that?" he asked eagerly.

Sirius chuckled. "Maybe when you older, okay Max?" he told him. Max didn't even look phased, he obviously idolized Sirius. It was kind of sweet.

"Alright! Bye Alex, bye Sirius!" he called, running down the hallways once again.

I watched him leave then looked at Sirius. "How do you know him?

He shrugged and sighed. "Last year, I think? He had a nasty Bat Bogey hex on him from another Slytherin. Since then I sort of just... looked out for him." He said.

Once again, I couldn't help but feel that sense of admiration. "Well, he really looks up to you. You should've seen his face when he watched you telling Ginger where to shove it." I said.

"Yea, well, she'd a real bitch, always picking on the younger kids. Never anyone her own size." He said spitefully. He then looked at me oddly. "What?" he asked.

I blinked a few times, realizing I had sort of started staring at him with a smile on my face. Great, now you look like an idiot. I'd only been thinking about how Sirius really cared for the kid. Not that I'd pinned him as mean, but he was always the 'rule-breaker' with James. It was almost refreshing to see him being nice to the boy.

"Nothing, just... it's nice of you to look after him, Sirius. But, it seems like you've met Ginger before in the halls of Hogwarts." I said, biting my lip.

He sighed. "I've ran into Martin more times than I'd like to admit, actually. I think she's got it in for me, you know?" he said, bringing back that cocky grin I knew so well.

I rolled my eyes. "She's a Slytherin; she's got it in for everyone, Sirius." I said.

He laughed. "Yea, well... It's Ginger Martin. I never know what to expect besides snide remarks and horrible curses. I'm used to it." He said with a shrug.

"Well, you make Max proud. You did something right for once." I said smiling, hitting him on the arm.

"Hey, I've done other things right! Got you to be my best mate, right?" he said, slinging his arm around my shoulder once again as we started walking to Defense Against the Dark Arts.

That familiar feeling of nervousness, anxiety, and a gnawing in my stomach all came back to me as we walked. Damn, these feeling _really_ need to stop. Starting to make me feel queasy...

"Well, I guess you have a point there. Where would you be without me, Pads?" I replied with a cheeky grin.

He shook his head. "Lost in the Forbidden Forest, I think..." he joked, looking at me and smiling.

More likely we would have become friends anyways late on in time. Since I'm obviously friends with Lily, and she fancies James, then started dating him, I think I would've been forced to hang around with the blokes. Eventually, we'd all be mates strolling in the halls to class. It's kind of inevitable; any way you slice it, we're all meant to be friends.

"Well, that's what I'm here for. To save your sorry arse when you get into a mess you can't clean up." I said with a wide smile.

Sirius shoved me as we stepped into class. "Oh, like I don't help you out now and again, Alex."

"Uh huh, right. Come off it, you _know_ I get you out of trouble more than you get me out of it. If I wasn't around I don't know how you'd get on." I said, shoving him back.

"And that, love, is why we're such good mates." He said softly, winking at me and taking his seat.

"Open your books to page 236, please!"

I smiled softly and sat down next to him, pulling out my book.

There are mysteries no one will ever know. For some, it's religion and what you believe, for others it's science and how the earth came to be, for even more it's the myths you parents told you when you were a little kid, about flying cars and teleportation devices. But for me, it's how on Earth I managed to stay friends with Sirius all these years without even a single argument. Maybe some things are meant to stay a secret.

**xXx**

When I handed my essay in on animagi 2 days later, I knew I'd finally felt the heat of the ball. I felt normal, like it was just any other day in the castle, no matter who I was around or what I was doing. No odd feelings, no excitement, no nausea, no nervousness. Just...normal.

It was a sure sign I was freaking out inside.

Yes, ladies and gents, tonight was the big _Masquerade Ball_ in the Great Hall. And I can assure you, I am nervous as hell. Only my closest friends can tell. When I'm extremely nervous, there's almost no emotion in anything I do. Why? I don't have a damn clue. But today it was like I was a robot. No feelings what-so-freaking-ever. Of course, this also was my last class of the day. After this it would only be mere hours before I got to meet Rachel in our secluded corner on the 5th floor. Hours before I got all dressed up in my amazing dress and mask. Hours before I walked into a room filled with people I knew but had no idea who was who.

Oh Merlin, what was becoming of me? Me, Alex Marques, who never had a care in the world, was no having a spaz over some ball. What was the world coming to?

I had sort of kept to myself all day; doing homework, cleaning my bed/dorm, making up the beds, even checking out books in the library. Just so I had something to do with myself without the need to anyone else; Menial tasks that didn't add up to anything.

"Alex! Oh, Alex be a bit excited, mate, only maybe 2 and a half hours now, until the ball." I heard Molly call from her spot amidst the group of girls talking excitedly.

I was sitting at my own table reading a book about Goblin Rebellions for Professor Muriatic. I looked over at them over top of my book. They were all looking at me expectantly.

That's when I cracked.

"2 hours! And _none_ of us will recognize each other!" I gushed, my stomach butterflies kicking into over drive as I got up from my seat and rushed over to them quickly.

Once I cracked, and my emotionless façade dropped, I started getting _too much_ emotion. Over anxiety, nausea, giggle fits for no reason, and on occasion pure terror. Yes, sometimes I found things scary, but don't we all? But after I crack... Oh Merlin, take a few steps back. But I don't usually get this excited, or crack like this, very often. The fact that it's happening now only shows how enthralling the ball really is.

Lily, Molly, Alice, and all the other girls in my dorm looked absolutely ecstatic that I'd joined them by the fireplace and their conversation.

"I know! I only wish I could tell you all about my dress! But I think it's worth giving up the description for the _masquerade_ part of the ball." Martha, a short brown-haired girl, said as all of us readily agreed.

I don't think I've ever acted so... _girly_. With James, Sirius, and Remus as my best friends, minus Lily of course, 'girly' was kind of tossed out the window of the Astronomy Tower. Although when I put on my dress later tonight, I think my 'girl-meter' will be set to an all-time high.

We kept talking about the ball; how excited we were, how pretty we thought our dresses were without giving away any details, boys we hoped to dance with... it was all very girl-fashion.

"Oh, you're such a bunch of girls! Can't you all calm down? It's _just_ a ball..."

Every single one of our heads turned to the 3 6th year boys we all knew so well.

My eyes narrowed, but I was smiling. "Sirius Black, don't you even _try_ to tell me you aren't the slightest it excited. I've known you for years; you're only trying to hide it."

He opened he mouth in protest, but I raised my hand and interjected. "Don't even! You know as well as I do that I can come up with a reason and a retort to anything you try. And you _know_ I'm not bluffing about it."

For the first time in a long _long_ while, Sirius Black was speechless.

I smiled happily in success.

He pursed his lips and stared me down. Eventually, a huge grin spread on his face. "I would not want to run into you in a dark alley. If we weren't friends, that is."

"Well, it's a good thing we are, yea?" I said, smiling back at him.

He chuckled and nodded. "Yea, wouldn't want it any other way..." he said. There it was again. Hesitation. Like he wanted to say something else.

"Are...really? No other way?" I prodded hesitantly. Maybe I would, finally, understand what the bloody hell was up with him recently. I bit my lip expectantly.

He scrunched up his eyebrows a moment and pursed his lips, like he knew what he could say, but didn't. H gave me a curious look. "Yea... I want you as my best mate, Ales. More than not." He said, slowly bringing back his confident attitude. But I could tell He knew, that I knew, that he was holding something back. Then he swallowed nervously.

I had to suppress a sigh.. I wasn't going to get him to tell me anything anytime soon. Damn.

"Why do you ask? Regretting that day we met Marqcues?" Sirius asked, dropping all signs of nervousness and giving me a cheeky grin, bringing back the self-righteous attitude.

Ah, yes... The first day we met. We were adorable little 1st years, still confused on the whole concept of magic being real and we could actually preform it. I remember I was sitting in the common room, reading a book with my homework spread out around me. There was a fair amount of people in the common room. Some talking, playing wizard's chess, or a few older students milling over books and parchments.

My nose was buried in a book, quill in hand, and I wasn't listening or talking to anyone. I was in my own little world.

"What are you doing?"

I looked up and turned around to face the boy who had spoken to me. He was looking at me curiously, almost as if reading was unnatural. He still had that adventurous look in his eye that he had now, and he still kept his hair in the same long, shaggy state too.

"I'm working... why?" I asked, looking at him confused.

"But...why? We've only just started school here. And, look, this stuff isn't due until the 21st. It's only the 10th!" he said, walking around the couch and sitting next to me, leafing through my papers and books as if it didn't matter that they weren't his.

"Well... it's got to be done eventually. And it's not like I'm doing anything else worthwhile." I said with a shrug, looking back at my book.

"Yea, so do it later. You've got like 2 weeks. There are better things to do." He said. And with that, he snatched my book and closed it.

"Like what?" I asked, wishing he'd at least saved the page.

"Come on, I'll show you. James showed me this great place..." he said, standing up and walking to the porthole. "Oh, what's your name?" he asked, turning around and realizing that this was an important thing to know. He was a brilliant boy...

I stood up slowly and walked over to him. "Alexandra Marqcues."

He smiled at me. "Sirius Black. Nice to meet you Alexandra... Actually, can I call you Alex? Yea, nice to meet you Alex." He said without really waiting for my okay to call me that. But since then I haven't protest and I sort of adopted the nickname.

:Um, nice to meet you too." I replied.

"Alright, come one. This way." He said. Once he realized I hadn't started following him again, he looked back at me. "You coming?" he asked, like staying here was completely out of the question.

And if I hadn't gone against every bone in my body telling me not to, who knows where I'd be today. No, I never regret following him out of the common room that day.

**xXx**

_Okay Alex. This is it_.

I was standing in front of the floor-length mirror all the girls insisted on getting put in the dorm for the ball. I'd gone up to get ready last. I'd been intensely nervous, and getting into my dress and mask would only make it worse.

I sighed, trying to calm my nerves. Besides, I thought I looked pretty damn amazing. My hair was curled, soft dirty-blonde ringlets fell past my shoulders. I had, somewhat reluctantly, let Lily set out make-up for me to wear tonight. And I must say, I wore it nicely. It was only mascara, blush on my cheek bones, a metallic-like silver eye shadow, and lip_ gloss_ but it still brought out my eyes and my features quite nicely.

And then there was my dress.

It was blue, a light sky-blue color, and went to about my knees. It was strapless, cut just above my chest, and hugged every curve in my body, not fanning out at the end. It looked as if tiles, in that sky-blue color, had been laid out in the form of a dress, and connected together. The dress seemed to fit quite comfortably on me. On the inside it was a soft material, which was much appreciated by me, and the outside was almost shiny-looking, like it had been glossed before putting it into a box and sending it to me.

Yes, this was worth the Galleons.

I honestly couldn't get over the fact that I was wearing a dress. _And I looked good._ Actually, I looked great. Better than I anticipated... But really, I usually never worse dresses. On fancy occasions, I might wear a skirt, or dress-pants. I don't know, it's not like I don't like dresses or anything, I just... didn't wear them.

I bit my lip and twirled in front of the mirror, sighing softly. This was it, time to meet Rachel and go to the ball.

I went over to my bed and my trunk, picking up the mask I had bought 2 weeks ago off my bed. O ran my fingers over the soft material. With a confident look on my face, I put on the mask and descended down the stairs and out of the common room. I had a ball to go to.

* * *

**Here it is! The dress, the mask, the start of the ball!**

**Yes, I know it took a long time.**

**But I was pressed for time and I didn't want to rush it, I wanted it to be great :)**

**So here it is, a long awaited chapter. ****Let me know what you think :)**

**Next 2 chapters = The ball!**

**~xoDA**


	11. The Masquerade Ball

**Chapter 11: The Masquerade Ball**

I snuck through the 5th floor to the odd corner Rachel had mentioned in the Great Hall earlier today. When I rounded into the corner, I was practically attacked by a hug.

"Alex! Oh, Merlin... you're wearing a dress. You look _stunning_! See? I always tell you to wear dresses more often." She gushed, taking in the sight of me.

"Thanks so much Rachel. You're the first one to know what it looks like." I said, a smile never leaving my face. "You look amazing Rachel!"

I held her at arm's length to get a good look at her. Her hair was still pin-straight, but with a bit more...volume. Her mask was a creamy white, and a circular shape with the same nose-nook as mine, with a thick-like maroon swirl stretching across the whole shape. Her dress was even more fabulous than the mask. It was a gold color, as if sheets of paper made from solid gold had been wrapped around her form into a dress. It was past her knee, maybe half way down, and was loosely hung around her body. It looked as if excess fabric had been tucked and folded into the dress, as if to make it look light and airy on her. The dress had straps that were wide and sparkling, like crystals had been inlaid in the fabric itself.

It was a gorgeous dress, and it looked positively amazing on Rachel. "It's _wonderful_ Rachel! Gold is a pretty good color on you." I gushed, the two of us still in a half-embrace and smiling widely at each other.

"Well, my mother actually helped pick it out. But, well, I couldn't resist. It was just amazing. Now come on! I am _not_ being late to the ball." She said sternly, taking my arm and hurrying me along.

"Oh, Rachel we're going to be fine!" I said, but I just couldn't get mad at her, or anyone, when I was just so giddy.

We hurried along, our heels clanking against the stone of the entrance hall as we approached the ball. We could hear music thumping and the sounds of people laughing and having a grand time. We shared a happy look and walked inside the ball.

It's a really odd feeling, walking into a ball of people you know so well, but having no idea who was who. Several times I thought someone was Alice, or Molly, or even Remus on occasion. It was kind of maddening.

I only knew Rachel, who was still standing next to me and staring around at the people, and Lily. There are more than just the 6th years here, and many more than my few close friends. There were just _tons and tons _of people here. I was afraid maybe I'd lose myself in this crowd. It was a sea of hormonal, magical teenagers!

We took a few hesitant steps into the Great Hall and out of the way of incoming people. Not 5 seconds later people we're already staring at me. Oh no, was my dress caught on something? My makeup screwed up? My face turning as scarlet as Gryffindor? I thought I might hyperventilate.

"Why are they all staring?" I asked Rachel in a hushed, nervous voice. Great, not even 2 minutes in and I've already made a skeptical of myself.

Rachel, much to my own amusement, just beamed at me. What, did she plan this all out? Did she like watching me suffer in front of people? What happened to my friend? Oh Merlin this was _not_ the time to be freaking out. "Because you look amazing! Everyone is probably wondering who this _gorgeous_ girl in the blue dress is!"

I stared at her blankly. "R-Really?" I asked, looking around.

I realized that most of the people staring at me were guys, but a few girls too. As if on cue, a girl with straight blonde hair in a red dress walked up to me. "I just wanted to tell you that your dress is absolutely amazing!" she said, giving me a smile.

"Thanks..." I replied as she walked off happily. Well, this was a first.

Honestly, I'd never really been the center of attention of _anything_ unless I'd gotten the top grade in a class, hexed somebody with 'great form' or was making a fool of Sirius or James. Never because I looked 'pretty'. It was so unnatural for me.

"Yes! See, I told you so!" Rachel said pointedly.

I rolled my eyes at her. "That's the 2nd time you've told me that..." I pointed out, but was still looking around nervously.

"Exactly why you should listen to me more often! No come on, let's get out of the doorway." She said, grabbing my arm and puling me to an emptier spot in the room. People's eyes followed me as I walked with Rachel. I wondered if it would be alright to tell a few of them where to shove it. Some of the guys were going to get a serious hex the way they looked at me.

"But I'm not used to attention. And... And it's just not-"

"Alex Marqcues would you shut it and enjoy the fame?" Rachel snapped at me. "No one knows who you are, can't you have a little fun with it?" she said, turning back to her normal self.

I smiled at her. "So, you're saying that I should find a way to mess with these people Rachel?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "That's what _you_ would do when no one knows it's you. I was merely suggesting that you could just play up your little slice of wizard fame." She said, crossing her arms at me smugly.

I pursed my lips and thought about that. As much as I would think it fun to mess with the other people at the ball, I still couldn't help but think all the attention was just so unusual for me... I opened my mouth to tell her this. "Yea, but I don't-"

I was interrupted when someone grabbed by shoulder and spun me around.

"Hi there. Want to dance?" a tall, blonde-haired, boy wearing a black shirt and blue tie said to me, grinning widely and winking at me.

"Uh... Sure." The answer came out of my mouth as Rachel walked behind him and nodded her head vigorously at me, the flitting off to find her own dance partner. I looked back at the boy and feigned a smile.

He was pretty cute, I'll admit. Blonde hair always sort of appealed to me in a guy. And no, it wasn't just because I was blonde myself. My hair is dirty blonde; it's got some brown in it. Humph. I don't discriminate against hair color. Why should I? All of my friends have other hair colors than me, anyways...

I realized I was staring at him as my train of thought had drifted off track.

My cheeks turned pink and I looked down at my heels as we walked away from my spot of solitude towards the dance floor.

We started dancing; my arms around his shoulders and his on my waist, maybe slightly lower than necessary. Not a whole lot was said at first, but eventually he cleared his throat and spoke up.

"You know, you look really great in that dress." He told me.

I looked up at him and smiled nicely. "Thanks. It took me forever to find a dress to begin with, but I liked the color of this one." I said, trying to sound more confident than I felt. I was almost never nervous, or shy, or quiet, but since I really had no idea who this was or anything about them, I wasn't sure how to act.

"Yea, I like it too." He said, nodding. I was starting to notice that maybe he was a little bit more concerned with what I looked like rather than what I said. Can you say uncomfortable?

I shifted from foot to foot, nodding back at him as I pursed my lips.

Looking a bit more closely at his face, I could tell he had bright green eyes, and they were staring at my chest.

"I have to use the loo. Please excuse me, but thanks for the dance." I said quickly, removing myself from his grasp and rushing somewhat quickly to anywhere else. I had no intention of using the loo at all.

As I walked, I saw people's eyes following me, guy's eyes looking up and down my frame. Lovely, just perfect. Guys were staring at my chest. I _knew_ should've gotten a higher-cut dress. I sighed. Well, nothing I could do about it now, eh? Then I smiled. Maybe I'd be able to have _some_ fun with this. I wasn't going to let some hormonal, teenage wizards ruin the ball for me. I was going to have some fun, dammit! Besides, what would I be doing if I wasn't here? Homework. I would become the biggest wreck at Hogwarts.

But, I am Alex Marqcues and I will _not_ be a loser.

I then promptly held my head in the air, feeling confident, and strolled over to Rachel, who had just finished dancing with a red-haired boy, strutting all I had.

Rachel looked at me and raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms. She clearly thought my strut was comical. And I'm fairly sure it was.

"Someone's feeling self-reliant." She said to me as I approached her.

I automatically grinned in response. "Well, if said-someone is going to be stared at all night, then why not give them something worth looking at? I'm going to make use of this, and I'm dragging you with me." I said back to her with a triumphant smile.

"Oh really? And just what are you planning on doing, then?"

I hadn't that that far in advance. What was I going to do? I was never the center of attention, I didn't really like it. I mean, telling a story to my friends, and they all watching and listening, is one thing. But having a Great Hall full of people turning their heads to look at me was a whole other subject. One I had rather hoped _not_ to be taking.

"Um... let's brainstorm! What did you have in mind?" I said quickly, looking at her sheepishly.

"Alex!" she hissed at me, "Haven't I told you before to _think things through_? Oh, Merlin how have we gone 6 years without me tearing my hair out?" she moaned, rolling her eyes at me.

I beamed at her happily. "Because you can't ever get mad at me. You always forgive me in the end. You've been wise enough to learn the workings of Alex Marqcues." I said, hugging her.

She sighed, but hugged me back and I swear I could feel her smile. "Yea, yea... Well, there's a very cute boy walking this way. Probably with bad intentions. How are you going to have fun with that?"

"What? I have no idea! I was hoping to pan this out and hope you'd come up with some genius plan! You always do, you Ravenclaw!" I panicked. I had been hoping to at least come up with a few ideas first before actually testing them out. Too late I guess.

Rachel just shrugged. "I don't know. Find a way. Good luck, mate..." she said, hurrying off as I felt the boy tap me. Shit. I turned around to face him. He was my height, brunette, brown eyes too.

"Hey. Dance with me." He said, clearly not asking a question.

"Why do you want to dance with me?" I replied, feeling a smile form on my lips as I didn't move from my spot. I think I'd just thought up a way to play this out.

He turned around and stared at me, as if the answer was obvious. "Because who wouldn't want to dance with a girl like you?" He asked with a charming smile.

_Some bloke with doesn't know what he's missing_, I thought in my head. Oh, this would be a fun night indeed. "Well, what is 'girl like me'?" I replied, putting my hands on my hips and letting my lips curl into a devious smile.

He thought a moment, then grinned, making his way back towards me, a step on each word. "Fun, caring, studious, gorgeous..."

Bingo, this was the answer I was looking for. "You have no idea who I am under this mask. How would you know? You only want to dance with me because I look amazing in this dress. So, I think I'm going to dance with someone with better intentions."

I turned on my heel and walked away, leaving the brunette guy staring after me looking like one bloke who got what he was asking for. I smiled happily and resisted the urge to prance around the room. This is was so much fun! I walked through the great Hall, staring down a few guys on my way just to see their reaction.

I started to wonder where the rest of the group was. I saw Rachel talking with someone, and Lily getting some drinks, but I couldn't help but think where James, Remus, and Sirius might be. We're they staring me down too? Well, James might not, he might be trying to sneak past the rules and find Lily. And Remus wasn't the type to really goggle at girls. But Sirius...

I swallowed, shook my head, and pushed the thought from my mind.

**xXx**

The night went on as I did attempt to dance with a few other people, or telling others where to shove it. Even if I wasn't dancing with however many boys, I was still having an amazing time on my own, or with my friends. But, really, some of those guys were just... gag. Kind of repulsive and I'd rather _not_ say what happened... I'd also talked with a few of the girls, seeing as how I only knew Rachel and Lily, and we all seemed to be having a wonderful time. I had talked to Lily a few rare times, since she was happily making her way through the dance floor constantly, and Rachel plenty of times.

I sighed. I hadn't met any guy that really made my night 'spectacular'. Yes, I was still holding out for him. Why shouldn't I? A girl can dream can't she? Not that I hadn't met any guys who didn't want to dance with me just to get in pants, but they'd stull just been... obnoxious teenage wizards. I thought they were worse than muggle boys...

I was currently in the midst of talking to Rachel about a few dresses we'd seen on a few girls here and how some people were trying _way_ too hard to look when, when I did see one boy stealing glances at me from over Rachel's shoulder.

He looked pretty cute, actually. He was wearing a maroon dress shirt with the top few buttons un-done and a white tie hung loosely around his neck. He really could pull off that 'scruffy-but-sexy' look kind of look. And I knew him. I could tell I knew him, his black hair and choclate brown eyes seemed so familiar. But I just _couldn't_ place him. Now I was starting to think the enchantment wasn't so awesome. I wish I could tell who it was! Then maybe I'd have a better chance of asking this mysterious guy to dance... Dammit...

"Alex, what are you staring at?" Rachel said suddenly and looked where I had been staring.

I realized I had been ignoring Rachel as I stared after the boy. My cheeks turned the shade of his shirt and I quickly averted my eyes.

"You were looking at that boy over there wearing maroon, weren't you?" she asked, a slight tone of surprise. "Well I'll be... Alex Marqcues is fancying a boy! And one she doesn't even know..." she said, clearly amused as she crossed her arms and gave me a sly look.

"I do not! I was just merely looking around the room when I happened to see him. You always did jump to conclusions." I replied curtly, trying to look sure of myself as my cheeks refused to turn back to their normal color.

She didn't drop her smile. "Well, your eyes lingered on him, for quite some time." Damn! You know, I was starting to find out her 'inner-Ravenclaw' annoying. She noticed way too much.

I simply rolled my eyes. "So? I'm not allowed to look at an attractive bloke? And here I thought you wanted me to find some mystery man..." I said, smiling and shaking my head forlornly, arms crossed.

Rachel gave me her best 'Why-are-you-so-_stubborn?_' look as she heaved a sigh. As she opened her mouth to tell me off, I noticed the boy in maroon walking towards us nervously. "Of course I want you too, Alex! But, merlin..."

I had topped listening. I was looking at Rachel, by my attention was on the boy, stealing glances at him as he made his way through the crowd, running his fingers through his untidy hair.

Just when I thought he really had been looking at me, a girl in a too-tight, short emerald dress walked up and snagged him from under my nose. Even though I hadn't known him or his intentions, my heart still skipped a beat as he walked away with her.

* * *

**At long last!**

**I know this took forever, I am sorry for the wait, but I had lost of trouble with it.**

**The next chapter will be more Alex/Sirius, so be ready :)**

**Tell me what you think!**

**~xoDA**


	12. The Masquerade Ball  Part 2

**Chapter 12: The Masquerade Ball - Part 2**

"_Care to dance with me?"_

_Sirius tore his gaze away from the girl in blue and turned to another girl who had stopped him. She was a sight to behold, and not really in the best way. She had bright, flaming red hair and lots of make-up. Her dress, which was the color of green moss, was very tight and _very_ short. Much too short for his liking and that was saying something. But he couldn't just say no after she'd stopped him like this. "Um... yea, sure..." he said somewhat let down. He'd finally bucked up the courage to go as that very pretty girl in blue to dance, and all he got was a dance with this... tramp._

_Ginger Martin beamed happily as she looped her arms around his neck, pulling him much closer than necessary. She'd been dancing up a storm with every guy that caught her eye, and this handsome guy in maroon just happened to be next in line. She kept up that sleazy smile as she sighed. "Having fun? I think the 'masquerade' idea is great, I've gotten to, erm, 'meet', with lots of new people." She said with a small laugh._

_Sirius nodded, thought he preferred not to know what she meant by 'meet'. He was usually cocky and self-concerned but tonight at the ball he'd kind of lost that bit of him in the unknown crowd. "Yea, really gets you thinking, since you don't know who anyone is." He replied. Thinking about it, he didn't think he wanted to know who this was._

_Ginger giggled and tried to sound flirty. "I'd _love_ to figure out who you are under this mask..." she said, flipping her bright red hair over her shoulder. So far no guy had objected to anything she tried, but she hadn't mentioned wanted to see who was behind the mask to any of them._

_Sirius cleared his throat. "Um... well if you did, and you didn't like what you saw, then it'd be an end to the fun, wouldn't it?" he said, hoping she'd take the bait and leave well enough alone. He kept stealing glances over the girls shoulder, over at that pretty girl in blue._

_He'd been staring at her earlier when James finally hit him in the head, told him he was wasting his time and to get a move on. But he'd been nervous, for the first time in a _long_ time. He had been looking and watching her, admiring her from a distance. She hadn't danced with many guys, for good reason too, and she was just so much more confident than he was at the time. Just the way she moved..._

"_Hello? You hoo! Thinking about me too much?"_

_Sirius shook his head as the girl he was dancing with pulled him out of his trance. "What? Oh, no, sorry... I was only thinking. Um, if you'll excuse me, please, I must be going. Thanks, ah, for the dance..." he said, letting go of her quickly and walking away, running his fingers through his untidy hair._

_Ginger stared after him open-mouthed. So far no guy had ever just left her on the dance floor. "Well... the nerve..." she muttered, stalking off._

_Sirius took a deep breath. He wasn't backing down now. He was _going_ to ask that pretty girl in blue to dance._

I had switched talking to Rachel to a girl in a yellow dress and a white mask. I had turned around to speak to her. On one hand, I had to break my eyes away from that boy in maroon, although I was itching to turn around to glance at him, but on another, I didn't have to watch him dance with that red-haired, short-skirted little... _floozy_. Just one glance at her and I knew she probably had worse intentions than most of the boys I had started dancing with. Ugh, and he'd actually agreed to dance with her? Wait; was he as bad as she was? Oh, great, was he just like every other guy? And I'd been staring at him longingly...

My thoughts we're running wildly and I realized, for the second time that night, I had stopped listening to the girl I had been talking to and started staring off into space. I quickly snapped out of my trance and went back to listening to her. We had been discussing how O.W.L.s had been hard, but N.E.W.T.S. we're just awful. She was older, a 7th year, since she mentioned studying for them, and I had taken my O.W.L.s the year previous, and passed with mostly Outstanding, but a few Acceptable in History of Magic and Potions.

Abruptly, she stopped the conversation. "Oh, I'm sorry, but I must be off. It was nice talking to you." She said, smiling and walking off with a final glance over my shoulder. I was at a loss' had I done something? But, why had... whatever was over my shoulder, made her stop the conversation?

As any normal person would do, I turned around.

He was standing behind me, arm raised and hand pointed to tap my shoulder. He looked nervous, and almost surprised that I'd turned around before he'd planned me too. It was him, that boy in the maroon shirt, white tie, and unruly black hair.

He quickly lowered his hand, stuffing both in the pockets of his black dress pants, and cleared his throat. "Um... would you, ah, care to dance?" he rushed out quickly.

He couldn't be like every other guy, he was nervous, as if it possible I'd turn him down. I couldn't help but give him a soft smile. "I'd love to."

His head snapped up, and his face looked almost surprised that I'd said yes. But, really, how could I say no? You don't say no to extremely attractive guys in maroon when they ask you to dance. You just don't.

I widened my smile and took his hand, which was surprisingly warm and slightly rough, from work or labor, in mine, leading him away from my safe spot by the wall and out towards the dance floor. "You shouldn't act so surprised. I know a decent guy when I see one." I said as we waded through the crowd.

He smiled and I noticed a sort of relief spread through his entire body. "Well, seeing what you did to every other guy that asks you, I think I had a right to be nervous." He said as he turned to face me.

I felt a tingle run through my spine as he put his hands around my waist, holding me close to his body as I put my arms around his neck. I swear I could _hear_ my heartbeat speed up. I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I guess you're right. But, if you've been watching me, which I think you may have been, I think _I_ had a reason to do what I did." I replied as his face flushed and he gave a soft laugh. "But I don't think I have much to fear from you." I added quietly. It just felt right with this boy. I didn't believe he had any bad intentions at all for me.

"Well, maybe I had been watching you, and I wouldn't dream of doing anything they did, I think I'd be scared of what you'd do to me." He said, laughing again. I could tell he had regained his confidence.

I gave a small shrug and a smile. "What can I say? Blokes like them deserve a good dose of embarrassment."

He laughed again, the same fun, cheerful laugh I'd already heard a few times. I looked slightly closer at his face, and I noticed he had sterling, stormy grey eyes, and they just looked so... full of life. Like everything was exciting to him, and everything was an adventure. He seemed like one of those people who didn't give a damn what others thought, and just did what he wanted to.

I looked at him curiously a moment. "What made you want to dance with me?" I asked suddenly, biting my bottom lip.

He paused his smile and his laugh, looking around a moment, as if searching for the right answer. He then sighed.

"Why did I want to dance with you... I'm not entirely sure. I mean, obviously you look quite stunning, and very pretty, but that wasn't why I asked you." He said quickly, in case I had second thoughts about dancing with him. "But, I don't know. I was just sort of _drawn_ to you. The way you walk and how you carry yourself. How you interact with others, talk, laugh, _breathe_, I... I just wanted to be with you. Does that make sense? It was just sort of a feeling, like I knew that dancing with you would just... make this something to remember." He finished, smiling brightly, but softly, down at me.

I didn't even try to hold back the huge smile. That was so _sweet_. I couldn't think of a better word to describe it. I mean, sure 'amazing', 'brilliant', and 'wonderful' all describe it, but _sweet_ is just perfect. I don't think I've ever heard anything more sweet in my lifetime. Really, I just wanted to hug him and never let go.

Instead, I decided to rest my head against his shoulder, seeing as he was taller than I was. "That was probably the nicest thing I've heard all night. Possibly in my life." I say against his chest.

He seemed to be quite content with my response, more likely my actions than words, but I didn't mind. He was just wonderful; I decided I _would_ find out who he was, after the ball of course.

"What made you say yes?"

I bit my lip, I was kind of surprised at his question, but I guess I could see why he asked. I thought a moment to myself. Why _had_ I said yes? Besides me thinking he was one attractive guy of course...

"Well, I... I could tell you weren't like the rest of the guys at the ball... You seemed almost normal, I guess. And I admittedly had thought you looked pretty good yourself-"

"-Not nearly as good as you. But I bet you've heard that enough times." He interrupted softly with a chuckle, but this was an interruption I didn't mind. It sounded different, better, to hear I looked pretty from him. It sounded like he meant it.

"-...I knew you had no bad intentions. All you wanted to do was dance with a girl that caught your eye, and that's what you did. You're determined. You also smart and clever, finding some witty comment to make. You know what you want, and you aren't going to let anyone stop you. I noticed that that other girl you were dancing with, the girl in green..." I paused a moment, still feeling slightly envious of her. Then I remembered where I was, who I was talking to, and where my head was, and smiled again. "...looked quite upset and a bit mad, when you asked me to dance. I assume you didn't dance with her for long." I said with a small laugh.

"I didn't want to dance with her; I wanted to dance with this pretty girl in blue, who was just out of reach as she asked me."

I stared up at him thoughtfully. It was nice to dancing with someone I could have a decent, or completely amazing, conversation with. It was a wonderful relief. I didn't want it to end, I didn't want to ever let go of him, and I most desperately wanted to know who he was. It was killing me inside. I wonder if he wanted to know who I was as bad as I wanted to know him... I was a very curious person, I always wanted to know more and I'd never give up until I had my answers. But this was one question that I had to wait for the answer..

"What are you thinking about? You seem sort of...distant."

Really, the 3rd time? Oh, Merlin. People would start to think I thought everything and everyone was boring since I space out so much... Although, I had been thinking about him all those times...

"Oh, sorry... I, um, I was thinking about... something." Yea, that explains everything, Alex. He won't question you at all. Smooth. I sighed and shook my head

"You can tell me, you know. I'm not going to laugh." He said with a smile.

I bit my bottom lip and looked up at him. He has a wonderful smile, I decided. It was contagious. I smiled softly back at him. "Well, I was only wondering who you could be. And if I'd ever see you... normally, after the ball..." I said, subconsciously tapping my fingers on the back of his neck as I talked. "Because, well, because you seem like... like... a person that I'd, um..."

"Like to see more often?" he offered with a grin.

I blushed furiously but smiled at him. "Yea, someone I'd like to see more often."

His grin widened and I could feel his grip tighten, but only just, on my waist. "I'm glad you think that. I'd love to see you more often too."

My cheeks burned, but my lips couldn't stop smiling. Not that I'd want them to. I was almost never nervous, or shy, or embarrassed, or girly, and this boy had practically changed _all_ of that for me. Thinking on it now, it seemed like we sort of swapped feelings. He started out anxious, shy, and worried, and I confident and bold, but now I was quiet, blushing, and cautious, and he much more... blissful. And sweet. I was surprised he hadn't been dancing with people sooner, or that I was dancing with him now. I must be insanely lucky, I thought.

"I'm glad you asked to dance with me. You've sort of made my night." I said finally, realizing how true that statement was. I mean, it'd been fun so far, but it hadn't been 'marvelous'. Another thing he'd changed for me.

"Well, I'm happy to be of service. But I have to admit, I know I would regret not asking you if I hadn't. I'd obviously be missing out." He said softly, bending down slightly towards me.

I laugh lightly. "Well, to be honest, if you hadn't asked me, I may have asked you. I wouldn't want to miss out on the opportunity to dance with a guy like you."

He chuckled. "Then I guess we were just destined to dance together. Not that I mind a bit of destiny." He said quietly; it sounded like he was softly whispering to me, in the midst of a huge ball; it was almost intoxicating, the way he talked...

He then moved one hand from my waist up to my face, moving my, now insanely wavy, hair behind my ear, making a jolt shoot through my body.

His hand lingered on my cheek, and my heart was beating erratically at his touch. I looked up at him, at his brilliant brown eyes, whimsical smile, and scruffy black hair.

Without saying a word to each other, he bent down towards me, and I up to him, tightening my grip around his neck and his arms slinging around my waist, pulling me closer.

He pressed his lips down to mine softly.

I'd found my mystery man.

* * *

**This took forever, I know.**

**But, I had lots to think about. How I wanted thi to end, or begin, and how to word it.**

**Plus it was my birthday, so I get a break. ;D**

**I'm extrmley happy with the ending, but I want your thoughts. :)**

**~xoDA**

**(Note: Sirius's eyes have been changed to grey, I have no idea why I put brown, I knew they were grey. I dunno, I fail sometimes...)**


	13. The Hangover

**Chapter 13: The Hangover**

"Have you heard about that girl at the ball?"

"Oh, the girl in the blue dress? Yea, she was stunning!"  
"Has anyone found out who she is?"  
"No, but _I _got to dance with her."

"Ugh, the lucky ones..."

I've been hearing this all week after the ball. Whenever I walk into a class, the Great Hall, the library, or even the loo, I hear a mention of "The Girl in the Blue Dress" at _least_ once. Usually more. This was the 'completely clever', totally original, and utterly enchanting name that everyone is calling that girl in blue with a quirky smile and, apparently, some damn good looks at the ball. This was the name they were calling me. And no one, besides Rachel, knew it.

I hadn't told anyone, hadn't 'revealed' myself to anyone. Partially because I was enjoying this name-less fame, and also because... I didn't know how. Who would I tell? I wasn't going to waltz up to a random group of people and tell them. They probably wouldn't believe me. There had been multiple 'claims' of being the 'Girl in the Blue Dress', but she had different hair, broader shoulders, not so perky, etc.

So far, she was just an un-named wonder of Hogwarts.

But, as every single student was thinking and talking and wondering about me, there were 2 girls concentrating on other problems.

Rachel had, as expected, found her own guy. Although, her story is much different than mine. She'd never danced with him, and only spoke to him once. From what she told me, I gathered that everywhere she went he had been around, somewhere. And they'd been looking at each other all the time; giving each other flirty smiles, witty looks, and friendly gestures. At the very end of the ball, Rachel actually approached him and talked to him.

"Alex he _understands_ me. Well, I know you do and all, but to find a guy, a _real_ guy, that gets me. It's brilliant!" she told me enthusiastically two nights ago.

So, Rachel had been wrapped up in her thoughts of him for the past week. But me? Oh, I'm sure you could take a wild guess what was on my mind.

Actually, he wasn't on it, he was _all over it_.

I just couldn't get him out of my head! Most of the times I really didn't mind. I mean, I'm a teenage wizard girl, I'm entitled to think about extremely attractive guys in maroon. _Who I kissed_. But sometimes it's just damn _annoying_. For example, I was sitting in Charms, trying to take notes like a good little student, when I suddenly get tapped repeatedly on the arm. I blinked several times to see Andrew staring at me with a pleading look. Then I turn to see my class looking at me expectantly and Professor Flitwik giving me the look that said 'Yes-I'm-calling-on-you-because-I-_know _-you-don't-know-the-answer'. Thanks a ton, sir. Just then I realize I had, once again, fallen trapped to the curiosity of that guy in maroon, for a good long while too.

I had no idea what we were talking about at all. Actually, I didn't even know the question. As I'm about to admit this to Professor Flitwik, Andrew nudges me again and slides a piece of parchment across to my notes. Glancing down ever so carefully I see '_Who developed Densaugeo, the charm to make teeth grow?'_

"Oh... Thomas Guilden developed _Densaugeo_, sir." I say quickly.

Professor Flitwik gives me a reproachful glance, then one at Andrew, and then nods. "Right you are, Miss Marqcues." He said, moving on with the lesson.

I breathe a huge sigh, giving Andrew the most thankful look I've ever given. And trust me, I've given plenty. Then I sit up straight and pull out my quill, writing on the piece of parchment he slid to me, '_You really saved my arse. Guess I owe you one, huh?'_ I slid it back over to him and gave him a sheepish smile.

I saw him chuckle under his breath, and then scribbled something, passing it back to me.

'_I guess you do. And trust me, a Hufflepuff never forgets.'_

We share a smile and a silent laugh, then turn our attention back to class. After that I pretty much stayed on task, with an occasional kick to stay 'awake'. I guess without Andrew I might've gotten detention. Probably nothing major,, if anything at all; Professor Flitwik is usually pretty lenient. Either way, I was thankful for him.

The rest of the week had gone on like this, with Lily asking continuous questions also. I feel like I should tell her, she is one of my closest friends after all. But, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I mean, if sh- Oof!

"Oh, sorry. I wasn't watch- Oh, Alex. Hey. Guess I should watch where I'm going, eh?"

I as completely immersed in my thoughts I hadn't seen Sirius walking in the opposite direction past me.

"Hm? Oh, no, it's my fault. I've sort of been out of it for a while." I say, quickly gathering my bearings.

Sirius chuckled. "Yea, I've noticed. You heading to the common room?" he asks.

I nod and the two of us walk back together. Then a sudden thought struck me. Well, two actually. The first is that I actually hadn't seen much of Sirius in the past week, only at meals, sometimes not even there, and in Defense Against the Dark Arts. I wonder what he was up to...

The other I asked him openly. "Well, if you noticed I must be doing something really odd, then." I say curiously. Was I really _that_ out of it?

He shrugs, but gives me that same old cocky grin. "I dunno about that, although I did hear a story about you in Charms, but you just space out a lot, and completely lose focus... I know you Alex. I can tell when something's up."

I mentally roll my eyes. Charms. Of course that had gone around. Someone told a certain friend, and then they tell one other person, and then they become the blabber mouth. "Well, just had a lot on my mind. Multiple reasons to blank out. No reason to fret over it." I say as we step through the port hole.

"Oh yea? And what's been on your mind?"

I bite my lip. I was thinking about telling him, right now, but I imagined he'd just laugh and think I was joking. I shake my head. "Nothing you need to busy yourself with, Pads. Trust me." I say, avoiding his eyes and taking a seat on the couch as usual. He remains standing. "So, what have _you_ been thinking about? I feel like I haven't talked to you in ages." I say.

He chuckles. "You're not worming anything out of me, Alex."

I scoff. "Who said I was 'worming' anything out of you? Am I not allowed to catch up with my best mate?" I say, trying to sound convincing. I really was curious to know what was going on with him. Usually I see him daily, multiple times, for more than a few moments. Now it felt like I hadn't seen him since before the ball.

He gave me a suspicious look and raised an eyebrow. "Oh, come off it. Alex, I've known you for years, better than most people think, I know what you're up to. Take another stab at it tomorrow, love. Night." He said, whisking up the stairs and out of sight.

xXx

I'm sitting at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, Rachel on my left, Lily and James making Hogsmeade plans across from me, and Remus and Sirius where just waltzing in now. Surprisingly, Sirius was dead quiet as Remus was alive with the conversation. That was a first. It was almost like Rachel and I right now. She was, for the umpteenth time, telling me about her own mystery man. Not that I minded really, it was usually a different bit each time.

The two of them sat down next to James and Lily, across from Rachel, Remus not even pausing to greet us. Sirius met most of our eyes and gave a small eye roll, but also a friendly smile. Between the three of them, James Sirius, and Remus could never really get mad or be truly enraged with one another. Well, not that I'd ever seen, or suspected.

I turned my attention back to Rachel; I don't think she noticed I'd even stopped listening.

"...though I didn't see him dancing too much with anyone. Just talking with a few people. Well, not like I was _always_ watching him, but I'm sure you know what I mean."

It was almost hard to hear her, seeing as it sounded like she was competing in volume with Remus. I inclined my head slightly to hear her.

"Well, what was he wearing?" I ask, trying to feed her questions so she could give me more insight to this mysterious stranger she met.

"Oh, of course! He had a black collared shirt, and his mask a brilliant red color, in a sort of square shape, I guess. But get this. He had a blue _bow tie_. I haven't seen a bow tie in ages!" she explained, clearly thinking the tie was the best thing in Hogwarts.

I laugh, finding her excitement kind of hilarious, but also kind of...sweet? Like she really does care; not only about the tie, but the guy himself.

"...and her dress was gold, Pads. _Gold_. I wonder where it came from, must be from somewhere other than London. Oh and her mask..."

I'm starting to hear snippets of Remus's conversation.

My head snaps over to him suddenly. "Remus! Remus!" I say, trying to get his attention with no avail.

Desperate to get his attention, I pick up a roll and throw it at him, hitting him in the cheek. "Remus Lupin!"

He looks at me angrily, holding the roll. "What was that for?" he asked, looking irritated that I had interrupted his conversation.

Even Rachel had stopped talking and was giving me the _'what-the-bloody-hell-is-wrong-with-you?_' look. I just smiled triumphantly and gave Sirius, who looked like maybe I'd lost my marbles, a very knowing look.

"Um, Remus, would you do me a favor and tell Rachel what you just said to Sirius?"

He gave me a wary look, but turned towards Rachel. He learned not to question my strange motives. "Um well, don't know what it's got to do with anything...But I was telling Sirius about this girl I saw at the ball. Um, she was wearing this gold dress, kind of loose I guess, and it just looked...nice. And I talked to-"

"-her at the end about how well O.W.L.s went and what classes we wanted to take next term." Rachel interrupted, leaving Remus gaping at her. But she didn't stop there. "And then there was that girl with a black dress, who-"

"-kept bumping into us because someone had cast some sort of spell on her. And then the girl, in gold, knew the counter curse. And I was really impressed..."

Rachel and Remus were staring at each other blankly. Sirius turned his head and looked at me. I gave him a bright, wicked grin.

"You are a genius." He said quietly, as if talking too loud would disrupt the moment.

I give him a small shrug. Eavesdropping sometimes comes in handy, if you know what you're doing. "It was bound to happen. I just gave them a shove in the right direction." I whisper back.

He flashes me a smile and turns back to our friends, who are staring at each other like they can't believe their eyes. I looked back between their faces, wondering if they'll ever move.

"Well do _something_, mate!" James says, now giving them his full attention, along with Lily.

Remus glances over at us, almost like he was looking for an answer, or a hint of what to do. He then looks back over at Rachel and swallows, as if there was something in his throat preventing him from speaking.

"So, um, Rachel... would you, uh, want to g-"

At this moment, Rachel had practically launched herself across the table, grabbed his shoulders, and planted a kiss on his lips right there, cutting off his words. Not that Remus seemed to mind; in fact, it looked to me like he was rather enjoying it.

First I was stunned, just staring at them as this all happened, my mouth in a small 'o' shape. Then a huge grin spread across my face. _Finally_. Took long enough! Everyone, well, mostly everyone, know they'd end up together. It was just a matter of time.

Just then, it seemed like the full effect of what happened hit everyone else in our little group. Lily gave an excited squeal, James smiled and laughed at Remus's surprised, but pleased, expression as his lips stayed plastered to hers, and Sirius gave Remus a hearty pat on the back, smiling broadly at the pair of them. Remus couldn't help but smile at them against her lips, causing it to end almost as suddenly as it began. Rachel sat back down next to me, smiling brightly, despite her flushed cheeks. She looked positively aglow. I'm not surprised; the two of them are the sweetest thing I'd ever seen. And I'm not one for sappy romance stories.

"I'd love to." She said to Remus's unfinished question. Then she rose, collecting her things and strolling out of the Great Hall, looking like she'd just won a thousand Galleons.

Remus watched her leave, then then looked around, almost nervously, until his eyes settled on me with a sort of confused, but thankful, look. "I'm not sure if you're mad, or a mastermind..." he said, studying me up and down.

Sirius butted in. "Alex is a genius. C'mon, Moony, we all knew you fancied that Ravenclaw. And Alex found a way for you to finally get together with her. I'd say she's more genius than mad, but I do admit to her having a bit of mad influence..." he said, looking at me and giving me a cocky grin and a wink.

I roll my eyes but can't fight my smile grow at his compliment. Well, that's how I take his little speech about me. "Well, I think they go hand-in-hand. So I'd say I'm well off." I say, raising my eyebrows as if challenging them to question me, as I myself stand and gather my things. "See you all alter. And Remus, I have to talk to you about something. Don't let me forget." I say, pointing at him as if to make my message any more serious.

He nods, still looking like he's on cloud 9, and waves me off. "Yea, alright Alex. See you later." He says.

I can't help but keep a smile on my face as I walk out of the Hall, feeling more aloof than usual. I did have to admit that, while Rachel's actions where indeed quite bold, thinking on it now, I'm not so surprised. Launching herself across a table sounds like something she would do. Obviously Remus didn't mind. I walked down the hallways, which to me seem quite deserted. I was, once again, wrapped up in my own thoughts that it took me a moment to register the noise coming from down the way.

Keeping my mouth shut, I crept along quickly, hoping not to disturb whoever it was, but also get a god look at what was happening.

They, the person, sounded angry. But also determined. Every now and again I'd hear a little fizz, bubble, or a thump. I didn't know what to expect as I peered around a corner and into what I thought was an empty classroom.

There was Snape, wand in one hand, a bottle in the other, a boiling cauldron in front of his sitting figure. There were books all around him, along with all kinds of potion ingredients; plants, concoctions, and liquids of all sorts. The cauldron itself was bubbling and smoking, and it looked like the smoke was a dark murky green color.

Snape was bent over the cauldron, occasionally muttering a few words and trying a spell, making that fizzing noise that I'd heard. Then he'd scribble something and turn his attention to the cauldron, adding something, stirring, just watching it. And the mixture would bubble, and he'd write something down once again. He picked up his wand again and aimed at what looked to be a sack of...something. Grain maybe?

I assumed whatever he would try would just fizzle out, but no. This time it was different.

He stood up, aimed at the sack, and muttered one word starting with an '_s_'. Quietly, but with determination.

All of a sudden, with just a flick of his wand, the sack was being thrashed about; the grain spilling about, as if an invisible sword was cutting through it over and over, slashing it all over.

It took all I had not to gasp. I'd never heard or seen such a spell before.

I turned away and rushed down the hallway, like I was running away from the spell. I no idea where I was going at the moment, but I didn't care. Eventually, when I knew I'd left Snape and his cauldron and sack far behind, I slump down on the ground, putting my back against the wall. I don't fully understand why I was so scared of what spell, but it terrified me. That was only a sack of grain. I didn't want to imagine what it would do to a human person. I also knew that was not a spell in any spell book. And that thought only made my feelings worse.

"Alex?"

I looked up to see James peering down at me. I gave a sigh of relief. Just the presence of a familiar face comforted me.

"Oh, James. Hello..." I say, standing up slowly and regaining my composure.

"Alex, are you alright?" he asked, sounding concerned as he put a hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eyes.

I nod in response. "Yea, I'm alright. Now. Just had a bought of horrible feelings. I'm sure I'll be fine."

He didn't seem convinced. "You don't just get some bad feelings, Alex. What happened?"

I purse my lips. While I would normally go out on Snape, outing him and telling James all about his weird spells, I knew I couldn't. For one, James would only make this ten times worse. For another, I couldn't help but feel that small sense of remorse for him. So I said nothing of it. "Only remembering a few things from years ago, what I should've said, or done. Now come on, we'll be late." I say, walking along the corridors down into the dungeons.

He seemed to buy my story. Either that or he just let the subject drop. "You know, maybe you should talk to Sirius." He said suddenly.

I was about to open the door to the classroom when I stopped and let it shut again, giving him a confused look. "What do you mean? I talked to him last night..."

James nodded. "Yea, I know, but how much did you actually say?"

I stared at him blankly. What was he _talking_ about? "Wh...James, what are you getting at? I talked to him about the past week, since I hadn't seen him much. I don't..." I was sort of fumbling on my words. Was he saying Sirius wanted to talk to me or something?

James sighed and shook his head, opening the door. "I'm just saying you should talk with him." He said before walking inside and taking his seat.

I probably look odd, staring at the spot he'd just been at, but I didn't know what the bloody hell he was on about... I came in after him and took my own seat as Professor Slughorn started the lesson.

Well, fine James. I'll talk to him. But, don't I usually? I was just so baffled by our conversation that I'd almost mussed what potion we were brewing, _Strengthening Solution. _

I stood up and went to gather my ingredients, trying not to think about it for fear of getting off track and ruining the potion.

I wonder what he wanted to me to talk to Sirius about. Maybe he'd know. Oh, I doubt it. James always did have a strange way of going about things.

_Bam_! Oh, damn it! Now there's a plume of orange smoke and haze surrounding me and my cauldron. I groan and put a few things in to balance it out before Slughorn notices. I've decided to blame James for ruining my potion. Whether he really did or not, I'm still blaming him. Hey, that's what friends are for, right? To mess with your mind and screw you up.

xXx

"Alright, out with it. What d'you want to tell me so bad you got James in on it?"

This was the question I asked Sirius as I flopped myself down across the couch, feet up on Sirius's lap so he was forced to stop milling over notes and look at me. And look at me he did, like I was off my rocker that is.

"What? I never told James I had to tell you anything..." he said, clearly lost.

"Well, that doesn't mean you don't have something to tell me. DO you?" I ask, fiddling with the Gryffindor tie around my neck.

He shrugged. "Sure, I guess. I mean, it's probably nothing to get worked up about... But I did see a few people carrying in crates of new sweets for Honeydukes. During... the last full moon." He said, giving me a look. I knew what it meant. He saw it when and James were off with werewolf-Remus as a dog and a stag. I nodded. "Erm, and I got an 'Acceptable' on a potions essay. But I don't know why James needs me to tell you that, Alex..." Sirius said, perplexed.

I shrug, just as curious as he is. But, while I know he's telling the truth, I can tell he's holding something back. By the way his lip curls slightly and his eyes get that sort of distant look. I shift myself, dropping my feet to the ground and sitting upright.

"Well, maybe he knows you're holding something back, Sirius." I say slowly, looking him in the eye.

I could see the hesitation in his face.

He sighed and closed his notes. "I don't know what James is on about Alex. I don't have anything to tell you. Goodnight." He said, standing and taking his things with him as he sifted through the common room and off to bed.

But I knew he was lying.

* * *

**At last! The chapter after the ball!**

**The start and the end took me forever to write, so I know this was long awaited. Thank you SO MUCH for reading. It means a ton.**

**Review if you want, don't if you don't. **

**~xoDA**


	14. Sneaking Suspicions

**A/N: Yes, I know, this took weeks. But, for one, it is extremely long (you'll read why) and for another I am having lots of... school trouble. Writing is geting harder.**

**So, thank you all _so much_ for sticking with me. It means so so much that you do. Really. **

**Disclaimer (since I haven't done one): Last time I checked, I don't own Harry Potter. Nor will I ever. It's all J.K. Rowling's doings. **

**But I own Alex and there's nothing you can do about it. Ha.**

* * *

**Chapter 14: Sneaking Suspicions**

It had been 3 days since I had tried to talk to Sirius after James's suggestions. 3 days since I knew he was holding something back. 3 days since I decided that I'd find out once and for all what Sirius was keeping from me. I didn't particularly understand why he was keeping anything from me in the first place. We'd been best mates for years, spending endless time together, and had always shared everything with each other. He'd been my confidant, someone I could always go to. And him me, he always came to me first for advice. Granted we'd both shifted, adopting more friends like Rachel, James, and Remus, but we still we're able to confide in one another. We'd never kept secrets from each other. So why now?

We hadn't talked to each other very much since that day; the occasional small talk at meals, a hello in class or in the halls, but it seemed as if an invisible barrier had been put between us, and it was eating me alive. I hadn't lost him as a friend, no, but I feel like I'd lost, or at least not had the same know-how, that knowledge that I could go to him for anything. And it hurt, more than I let on.

"..Alex. Alex? Aaaalleeexx?" The faint voice of Rachel was coming through my ears.

"Alex!"

_Thump!_

"Ouch! What?" I say, giving her a disdainful look as I instinctively reach up and rub my whacked head.

Rachel stared at me somewhat expectantly, book raised as if to hit me again. She lowered it when she saw I was actually listening. "Alex, you've got to do something about this."

I didn't know if she was talking about my mystery man and all this 'blue dress' business, or my problems with Sirius.

"About what?" I ask, flipping through a few more pages in a book in the library for an essay due... eventually.

Rachel raised an eyebrow, as if to say 'Are-you-serious?' "Well, you've got lots of problems-"

"-thanks, mate..."

"-but I was referring to the one with Sirius. C'mon, Alex, he's been your best mate, besides me of course, for ages. You've gotta talk to him." She finished, brushing off my earlier interruption.

"But that's what got us in this damn mess in the first place!"

Rachel studied me. "Yea, you gotta fix it. Without him you're... irritable. A lot more than usual. Face it; you practically live off the energy of people, Alex. And being away from Sirius, you're _best mate_, is killing you."

I had quickly gotten used to the fact that Rachel was usually right. I sighed. "Yea, I know. But it's not like it's all my doing. He hasn't been making an effort to talk to me either." I say, thinking somehow this would shift the blame over to him too.

She nodded, and then gave me a grin. "I know. That's why I've talked to Remus-" what, now they're snogging _and_ plotting about me? Great. "-and he's going to talk to Sirius, try seeing what his issue is and get him wanting to talk to you again."

I looked her up and down carefully. "Okay, although I'm not sure what good it might do. You know how proud Sirius is. Depending on what's going on and clogging his brain he may be too stubborn to talk to me..."

"Yea, but he trusts his friends, Alex. If anyone could get him talking, other than you, it's Remus or James."

I knew she was right, again. Well, she usually was, as mentioned before, but this time I knew she was right for more than just her house placement. Sirius had his small group of friends—well, okay, he has a _ton_ of friends, some of the girls much too friendly for my liking, but he has that small select group of close friends. You know, the ones who know everything about you, and you them, who you confide in and never hide anything from because you know it'd be bad and hurt the—

"Alex! Stop overthinking it!"

I swear I have a spacing problem.

Rachel was standing now, bag on her shoulder, looking down at me with an 'I-knew-you'd-act-like-this' look on her face. Sometimes having a Ravenclaw mate really bites.

I sigh and stand, shouldering my bag. "Sorry," I mumble, "you know how I am with these things. Not to mention my horrible way with words."

She rolled her eyes. "Alex, honestly, I think, whenever you speak, it's either something amazing or horrifying. There is no normal with you."

And this is why we get on so well. Rachel figured out early how I operate.

xXx

I walked through the doors of the library a day later, hoping for some time away from all the nagging about talking to Sirius. I'll talk to him when I feel like it, damn it! It's not that I don't want my friends' advice or anything, but sometimes I need to figure out some things for myself. Including getting out of this shitty mess I made with Sirius.

I sigh as I take a seat at my signature table; back right corner, by the window. Pulling out my History of magic essay, I already know I won't accomplish much, what with all these thoughts swirling around in my head. But, might as well try and drown them out with the 'wonders of history'.

"Why is history so _boring_?" I mumble to no one in particular.

"Not much exciting has happened."

I nearly fall off my seat at the sound of his voice. I hadn't even noticed Sirius take a seat one away, across the table from me.

"Oh, Sirius. Didn't even notice you sit down..." I say, running my fingers through my hair, a nervous habit I picked up from, naturally, Sirius. I'd tried to break it, but being around him so much, it just stuck.

Sirius chuckled. "I figured you wouldn't. I can tell when you're thinking. It's like everything else is oblivious to you." He said, setting down his quill and leaning back in his chair, looking at me intently.

I almost do the same, except I set down my notes and lean on my elbows. I'm not surprised Sirius knows this, I've known him so long I—

"So, what're you thinking about?"

The question caught me off guard that if I hadn't stopped myself, I may have spilled my guts to him right then and there with no remorse. But I had to pace myself, and tell the truth. There's no way I could hide anything from him anymore.

"I was thinking about how it's been 4 days since I've had a good laugh with my best mate." I finally say, figuring maybe it'd be a good enough statement to make amends with him.

He raises an eyebrow, but I can see him struggling not to smile at me. "Oh yea? You haven't talked with Rachel in 3 days?"

Now I have to smile, but I add in an eye roll just for good measure. I swear, Sirius gets them all the time from me the way he's always so c0cky. "No, Sirius, I've seen her plenty. I'm talking about the one that filled my socks with pudding 2 Christmases ago." That was not a pleasurable experience...

Sirius let out a rowdy laugh, earning him a scowl and a few harsh words from the librarian, Madame Pince. He lowered his laugh and gave me a sheepish grin. "You've got a smart friend Alex."

"I know, one of the many reasons I've put up with him for so long." I retort, feeling like 4 days of awkward tensions between us were finally dissolving.

"You sure it's not the other way around?" he teased.

I gaped at him. "And what's that supposed to mean?" I ask in mock accusation.

Sirius holds his hand up, like he has to defend himself, and shakes his head. "Nothing, nothing at all... Just that this best mate of yours has to put up with all your... erm, surprises." he finished, looking away from me as he swallows.

"Surprises?" I say, somewhat confused, but glad we're at least somewhere back to normal.

He nods at me. "Yea, you're full of them Alex. Very spontaneous. Don't tell me you haven't noticed."

I break into a smile. There wasn't any hesitation or indication of holding anything back that time. And I am so glad. "Well, maybe I do get a bit off topic... But you've never complained before."

"And you're best mate isn't about to start." he says, a wide-spread grin on his face which is clearly full of life.

So I'm not the only one who was sort of grieving over those 4 days, he clearly missed my companionship as much as I missed his. "Good. Because no matter how much you could've begged, I wouldn't have stopped." I say smiling.

Sirius chuckled. "You wouldn't respect your vest mate's wishes?"

I shut my book and put my homework away. I know I won't get any work done now.

"You know me well enough, I never obey rules." I say with a wave of my hand.

It was probably the best feeling to finally be back in sync with Sirius. I realized how much I yearn for the time I spend with him. I hadn't realized it, I always thought I just enjoyed anyone's company, I'm a people person, but I think I enjoy his the most out of all. Even over Rachel sometimes, depending on the topic. Merlin... better not tell her that, she'd murder me over breakfast...

Just then Sirius cleared his throat, bringing me back to reality. "So, we're best mates again?" he asks.

I smiled. "Were we ever not?"

This brings a look of pure bliss to his face, and his grey eyes lit up as that all-to-familiar smile returns to his face.

Even thought things were a bit distant between us, he was still my best mate through and through. If something serious had happened over those 4 days, I could've easily gone to him without a second thought. Any tensions would've dissolved if I needed his help, or him mine. There were many reasons the odd friendship between the two of us lasted so long, and I probably wouldn't be ability to list them all if I tried. But the one I always found most important was our loyalty to one another. Anything said to the other, depending on the topic, stayed with each other. A friendly joke or homework help? We'd pass that along easily. A bit of gossip about another house? It could leave the conversation. Secrets, admittance, truths, and pleas for help? Those stayed with us. I told no one, not even Rachel, he told no one, not even James. I planned on keeping it that way. We respected each other, in a way others sometimes wouldn't understand. If we had to take a test on one another, we'd both pass with 'O's.

xXx

I'm smiling like I've won the house cup when I enter my charms class the following day, taking my seat next to Andrew and running my fingers through my messy hair.

After we'd both left the library for our separate classes, me to Transfiguration and Sirius to potions, I'd been in a sense of dreams. I'd gotten my closest friend back. I'd made my way through my classes happily, even a late night Astronomy class. But when I returned, wishing that I could just fall sleep on the couch and not have to climb the stairs to my bed, I found Sirius waiting for me. Just the knowledge that he'd stayed up so late made me smile. We'd stayed up much longer than I realized. It was interesting, our conversation. It'd started out normal, but right in the middle of it I'd blurted out how sorry I was for pressing him, prying into whatever he held back... There must be a reason, maybe it's something bad, and he just didn't want me to worry or a surprise for someone and couldn't tell me. I didn't know, but I might not need to know. I shouldn't have tried to make him tell me. If he wanted to, he could.

Once I'd finally shut my mouth and stopped babbling on with my apology, he looked overjoyed. Of course, he told me plenty of times I didn't need to be, he knew I had a valid reason to ask, and I'm naturally curious anyways, but I always brushed it off. I'm very curious, but I hate prying into other's lives.

After that it was as if nothing had happened all those days apart. We both figured that, since we hadn't been talking much over the past few days, we had to tell each other everything I even told him about Rachel's 'words of encouragement' to talk to him. And he told me about Remus and a very odd story involving Remus forcefully shoving Sirius into the library, and then showing him where I'd be, since he usually didn't go to the library, so he didn't know where he was going.

Today, Andrew could sense my good mood. He looked at me with a confused smile. "You seem more cheerful than you have been in the last few days. Why?"

I smiled at him and gave a small shrug on my shoulders. "I made up with a friend." I say vaguely. I didn't really think he cared all that much, we didn't really see each other much because of our house placement. Although I think I had talked with him at the ball, him not knowing it of course, since he'd been telling a few other Hufflepuffs about it the other day. So, I was surprised when he said, "Which friend? I'm surprised you'd ever have, ah, friend troubles. You seem easy enough to get along with."

I laughed at his last comment. "Well, you'd have to put up with all my 'surprises' to get along with me." I say, quoting Sirius from the other night. "And it was Sirius, Sirius Black." I add.

He chuckles and nods. "Guess I haven't encountered many, then. Still, I think you make a valuable friend, even if I haven't seen as many 'surprises' as others have." He said, moving his cropped brown hair out of his eyes. "But I'm glad you and Sirius are, erm, friends again. I guess it was kind of obvious you enjoy his friendship."

I look at him perplexed. "What do you mean?" I ask. Obvious? What had been so obvious about it?

Andrew smiles at me, amused. "You can't tell?" I shake my head 'no'. "Well, for starters you're much too joyful. Or at least more than normal. And thinking on it, you _were_ much too quiet and reserved than the usual Alex Marqcues is. And you sighed too much."

I blink at him. Was I really like that? I remember the sighing, and feeling better when we'd resumed our friendship, but I guess I don't remember being so quiet or bitter. But he was right, me acting reserved and quiet was a sign something was wrong. He was also right, judging by all my actions, that I really do enjoy Sirius's friendship. Longed for it. Valued it. More than I thought. "You're right. I didn't even I was acting that way... But I have known him for years. I guess it'd only make sense..." I say.

He nods at me, and smiles warmly. "It's nice having a friend like that, isn't it?"

I want to know what he means, why he's _asking_ me about it. "Wait, what do-"

"Ms. Marqcues and Mr. DeRae, are you quite finished?"

Both of us snap to attention. Class had started 5 minutes ago and we hadn't even noticed, we were so into our conversation. Professor Flitwik was looking at us with a fixed stare. 'If looks could kill...' I thought as I turned away from Andrew.

"Yes, sir. My apologies." He says his tone clean of emotions.

"Sorry, Professor... won't happen again." I manage, my voice still filled with curiosity about what Andrew had meant.

xXx

"You still haven't told anyone."

I sigh. I had 2 problems on my plate; Sirius and identity at the ball. The way Rachel sees it, one problem down, one to go. Waste no time. Take no prisoners too, I bet... I know she hadn't asked a question, but I reply anyways. "No, I haven't. I don't know who to tell. If you didn't already know, you'd be the first." I say.

We're walking into Hogsmeade, bundled up as a light snow falls and coats the entire village in a soft white blanket. The year seemed to be going by very quickly. Christmas was on its way. I'd be going home soon—Well, actually, I don't know if I am. My family's pretty small, I'd recently been spending the holiday with Sirius, James, Remus, and Lily. Rachel and live much too far away to spend it together, and her family is much larger than mine, so she always spends the holiday with them. We sent our presents to one another through owl post. Sirius usually stayed with James, because of his own family problems. Remus and Lily stay at their own homes and families for part of the day, and two years ago I stayed at Lily's. Recently, they've been wondering if they should stay at Hogwarts. I love my family, but they really don't... appreciate my magical abilities. My parents were the only two that understood. My mom being the witch and my dad the muggle, and with some... issues with my father, my mother is the only one around to keep me sane over the period I see my family. Sirius would stay, as long as James did, and they were thinking it so, since James figured he could spend one holiday away from his family. Remus too. He really enjoyed the holidays with his best mates, and he could still celebrate it through owl post with the family. Lily and I were the only ones still working it out. Her dad really wanted her around, her sister couldn't care less, but Lily loved her dad. My mom was trying to work out how we'd get gifts to and from, even though owl post is efficient, without freaking out the rest of my family.

I feel a sharp pain in my left arm. "Ouch!"

Rachel just poked me, or stabbed me more like, and looked like she may explode. "Can't you pay attention for _five minutes_ without spacing?" she cries.

I look at her sheepishly and sadly. "I'm sorry, you know problems make me space..." I say, rubbing my hands together to keep warm as we walk through the village towards Honeydukes.

She nods. "Yea, I know. But there must be something you can do. It's been days, two weeks, since the ball, and people are _still_ curious about you. Her. Both of your alter egos." She said.

I bit my lip and hold back a laugh, this isn't the time to be laughing. I can tell by her expression it's time to be serious. "I know. But I don't know how! Besides, who would believe me?"

"They would, depending on who you tell." She turned and looked at me, making us stop walking. "Tell Sirius."

I blink at her. "Are you crazy? I'm not telling him!" I say, looking at her like she'd just sprouted another head.

"Why not?" Rachel asks me, a somewhat smug expression on her face.

I shake my head. "Because. I just don't think it's such a bright idea. C'mon." I say, opening the door to the already crowded sweet shop. I don't know why, but I just think telling Sirius would... cause lots of unwanted feelings. Or at least another fuzzy break in our recently-patched friendship. Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm just afraid of losing him again, for longer than a few days this time.

I marvel at the inside of the little shop. I've been here before of course, since being a 3rd year, but eve time I find the shops of Hogsmeade amazing.

Sweets beyond even my imagination line the shelves, cabinets, and window sills of the shop. Choclate frogs stacked in a pyramid. A giant cauldron full of Bertie Botts every flavor beans in the center of the room, a display of Pumpkin Pasties and Cauldron Cakes line the right wall. Treacle tart and licorice wands are in crates in corners of the room. The left wall is a section labeled 'ODD SWEETS'. Cockroach clusters, larvae lollies, blood-flavored candies, all spread along n rows and containers. People were everywhere, with baskets overflowing with the treats. People shouting at one another for another galleon, or one last sweet. Money exchanged and laughs echo through the shop.

I sigh in delight as we step out of the way of the door and are immediately handed baskets, expected to buy something already. But how could you not, surrounded by all this?

Within moments Rachel and I have been shoved along, grabbing sweets as we go, filling out baskets. Soon we find ourselves back in the odd sweets section, baskets already filling and heavy, picking out things we'd like to try, or something we'd get the others to test out.

"D'you think Remus would go for a pack of these?" Rachel asks me, holding up a box of cockroach clusters.

I shake my head. "No, Remus seems more of the spider bon-bon type... Hey, think Sirius would notice if I gave him a larvae lollipop and said it was normal?"

She laughs and rolls her eyes at me. I smiled back and stick the sucker in my basket, along with a few blood-candies. Who knows when they'll come in handy? She takes a few of the clusters and we both move on through the throng of people in the store. By the time we leave we each have a fairly heavy bag of sweets. As usual, we move on to Zonko's Joke Shop.

There are 2 reasons why the joke shop excites me. One, I've always loved seeing the magical jokes. How wonderful and awe-inspiring they were. They were so much more fun and whimsical than any muggle prank, and seeing something new made me ecstatic. Two, Sirius. I think his name along is plenty of a description, but I guess I'll explain.

The first Hogsmeade trip my year was allowed to go on, back in our third year, he'd dragged me away from Rachel, clutching my hand as he pulled me to the shop. He'd heard stories about the shop and was dying to go in. He told me countless times that the first thing he wanted to do was go to Zonko's with me. So I'd ran along with him into the shop where we stood, mouth's hanging open in amazement. Since then Zonko's always struck my fancy.

So as Rachel and I entered again, I was still speechless as I eyed the enchanted quills, dungbombs, and crazy balloons. Everything in the tore was humming or spinning or being demonstrated by workers to other customers. I grabbed a basket and practically shoveled the jokes into it. Small sleeping solutions to knock someone out, a long-lasting cheering-charm cloak, wear it and your automatically perky, and all kinds of 'amped up' muggle pranks; whoopee cushions, masks, and joy buzzers.

Rachel laughed as she watched me pile things in. "You won't have any money left after Alex!" she said to me.

I smile and shrug. "But it's worth it. You know it is." I reply.

"For _you_. If I ever spent this much on jokes and pranks..." she shook her head. "It'd be such a waste. I don't think I'd ever get around to using it all."

And that I know to be true.

I turn down another aisle to look for anything new, when 2 Hogwarts boys, who looked strangely familiar; one with extremely messy black hair, the other with long and obviously well-kept black hair. Another pair of arms reached out and pulled me out of their rampage.

"Watch yourself Alex. You know how those two get in a joke shop." Remus tells me after letting go of me.

"Right... thanks Remus." I say, rolling my eyes at the two of them, but also yearning to join them.

But as soon as I look over at Rachel and Remus, I see he's already in deep conversation with her. And I'd prefer to be much farther away if their conversation leads to snogging...

With a shudder at the very idea, no matter how much I loved each of them I did _not_ need to see that, I turn and walk towards James and Sirius. They were both looking at a shelf marked 'New Arrivals'. James was holding what seemed to be a toffee tin, but I knew it must be tweaked somehow.

Sirius looks up at me, grabs the tin from James and hurries over to me. "Hey Alex. I guess I should've be surprised to see you here." He says with a wolfy grin.

"No, probably not. Thought maybe you could not run me over to get your... tin." I say back to him, giving him a look.

He shrugs and smiled. "You should watch out for people running around." He retorts. "But hey, open this for me will you? I think its st—"

"Oh no, I'm not falling for that one, Sirius. You know I'm not that thick." I interrupt, shaking my head at him.

He laughs and shakes his own head. "Alex I'm not trying to pull one over on you, I know your so much smarter than that. I just want you to help me take the seal off." He says, handing the tin to me, but I hesitate still. "It's got to be pointed at your face to work, so just aim it somewhere else alright?" he says, gesturing it to me again.

I sigh and, feeling slightly more reassured, take the tin from him. Aiming it towards the floor, I pull of the seal with some trepidation. Nothing happens. So I shrug and hand it back to him, still curious of what it did. "So, what's that d- SIRIUS!" I holler as he promptly points the can at me and takes the lid off, making a cloud of orange dust coat my entire head, face, and a bit on my shoulders.

He laughs and James looks over at the two of us with a wide grin spreading as he sees what's happened.

I glare at him, both of them, and feel like hitting Sirius. So I do, I lunge and beam him upside the head with a rough smack.

"Ouch!"

"What is wrong with you?" I say, looking particularly angry. I didn't think anything had happened yet, but I still didn't know what it was supposed to do besides coat me in dust.

Sirius chuckled still and James came to his side. "Nothing's wrong with me, mate. You know I couldn't resist." Sirius says.

I roll my eyes. "I bet you could've if you tried." I say, crossing my arms.

"Alex! Your hair!"

I turn and look at James, as does Sirius, who's staring at the top of my head dumbstruck. Sirius gasped.

"Oh my... Sirius, if you made me bald I will strangle you right here." I say, reaching up my hand. But my hair is still there, same wavy, slightly frizzed texture it always was.

I quickly rush to anything that would show my reflection, fearing anything that happened, and gasped in utter shock. My hair was as blue as Rachel's Ravenclaw scarf.

"SIRIUS BLACK! YOU TURNED MY HAIR BLUE!" I yell, going back over to him and James, teeth clenched and hands in fists.

Now he's doubled over with laughter. He wipes his eyes as if he'd been tearing up and looks at me. "Oh... oh I'm sorry Alex. I only wanted to see what it'd do..."

"Then you should've read the tin!" I hiss at him angrily. My hair was blue! _Blue_!

He holds his hands up in defense, then picks up the tin. "'Color-changing powder. Temporary. Do not use on babies or muggles'." He reads, then looks at me. "SO, it's temporary. It'll come off."

"Okay, when? How? I liked my hair the way it was and it back _now_." I say angrily, the venom clear in my voice as I address him. Though I was somewhat relieved this wasn't permanent.

He reads a bit more. "Hm... not exactly sure... but it says 'don't remove magically'. So I wouldn't try that." He says as I sigh.

"Sirius you _changed my hair color._ To _blue_no less. You, Mr.' I'll-just-throw-this-random-thing-at-Alex' Black, have another thing coming" I say, giving him a pointed look.

He walks over to me and starts playing with my hair, running his fingers through it. "Yea, reckon I did... You know I think I like your hair better the way it was before." He said thoughtfully, still immersed in my hair.

I looked at him curiously as he ran his fingers through the waves of my blue used-to-be-blonde hair, a look of almost confusion of deep-in-thought on his face.

As odd as it was, it was sort of soothing, feeling his fingers in my hair. Maybe this is why I take time to brush my hair each morning and night, because I like the way it feels.

I blink a few times, to stop thinking about it and clear my mind. I take a deep breath. "Well, then you can find a way to change it back." I say, stepping out of his grasp and going to look at the tin myself to find another way to get my hair back to normal.

James, who was holding the tin, looked between the two of us, and then focused on Sirius. I sigh. They were having one of their mental conversations again.

I grab the tin from him and start reading, determined to be solely focused on my hair, and nothing, or no one, on my mind.

xXx

One long hair-washing, blow-drying, and brushing later, my hair is back to its same dirty-blonde color I remember. Thought there are still flecks of blue in it...

The six of us, Lily had joined us from going to Dervish and Bangs with Molly, were now sitting at a table towards the left of the Three Broomsticks, sipping butterbeer. I remember the first time I drank this stuff. It was the best thing I'd tasted. It probably still is.

I was on the end sitting next to Remus, who was next to Lily. She sat across from James, who was next to Rachel, leaving Sirius to sit across from me. He was so in for it, after what he'd done to my hair.

"But it washed out!" he had said in a attempt to try and get out of my inevitable rage.

Everyone was already in their own heated discussion; Rachel and Remus were talking about old lessons or things of the sort, and keep adding little things that they remembered about one another, why they fancied the pants of each other sort of things. It was sort of cute, but listening for too long would possibly make me sick.

James and Lily were arguing about Potions, and if it was really pointless. James thought so, but Lily, who was a dab-hand at it, thought it was great. It reminded me of all James's failed attempts to get Lily to go out with him and when she'd finally given in and they'd fallen in love. Aww, how adorable...

Sirius and I, however, seemed to be switching topics every three minutes. Maybe it was because I was 'full of surprises' and kept getting side tracked or maybe it was because Sirius was getting much more attention from all the bimbos and, ah, 'scantily clothed' girls who just happened to be walking by the table. I may upchuck my butterbeer.

But, surprisingly to me, he would smile at whoever had stopped to talk to him, but seemed to be brushing them all off, as if he'd rather talk to me. Why? I'm not fawning and swooning over him. I'm not begging to meet him in a broom cupboard anytime soon. I shudder at that last one. That was a bit _too_ far...

"What's wrong with you?"

I look up at Sirius, who's looking at me curiously, an upset looking redhead walking away. "Erm, nothing... just an unsettling thought popped into my head." I reply, suddenly feeling embarrassed, as if he could know what I had been thinking that caused me to shudder.

"Well, what thought?"

Curse him being so damn curious. Instead of answering, which I know wouldn't turn out fun at all, I say, "If I tell you you'll only use it against me later. So I'm keeping my lips sealed." Just for emphasis I make a zipping and locking motion over my lips.

He chuckles. "Alright, fine. Guess it must've been pretty horrible if you can't tell me. Naught naughty, Alex." He says teasingly, shaking his head at me.

I roll my eyes at him. "Oh it was pretty horrific." I say, laughing softly to myself. If only he knew...

He nods and grins. "Alright, out with it. Who was it about?"

I stare at him. "What makes you think it was about a person, let alone a guy?" I ask, wondering where he'd grabbed that random topic from.

His grin widened, "You don't think I've been your best mate all these years without picking up a few helpful tips to understand you, do you?" he says in a cocky tone.

I can't help but smile and laugh at this. "No, I don't think that, but now I can't help but wonder... have you picking answers out of the things I say without me knowing?"

He shrugs nonchalantly and keeps grinning that same grin; cocky, charming, and confident. "I wouldn't be able to tell you that. It'd be giving me away." He said with a shake of his head.

Great, that can only lead to trouble. "But you just did, smart guy." I point out.

He shrugs bt keeps the smile. "Yea, but you don't know _what_ I got out of you, love."

I shoot him a way look. "You know, if I didn't say it outright, I probably didn't want to tell you." I say, taking a swig of my butterbeer.

"Not in so many words, but technically you did. Although it's all mixed in with all the other words you say, it's kind of annoying sometimes, trying to figure out what you mean." he says thoughtfully.

I had to admit, behind the cocky attitude, charm, constant pranking, and occasional slut hanging onto him, Sirius was quite bright. Albeit very annoying; he was just picking through my words? Oh, Merlin... Thought I wouldn't tell him he was bright. His ego was big enough; I wouldn't want to inflate it anymore. "Well, while your busy prodding at my words to find their hidden meanings; I've been having my own issues. So, what d'you think's wrong with me mate? I ask, leaning back in my chair and crossing me arms, looking at him intently.

"Well, that's easy Alex. I'm your best mate, right, what do you take me for? It's obvious you're, ah, having boy troubles." he says confidently.

I blink at him. "What gives you that crazy idea?" I exclaim, looking at him incredulously, eyebrows furrowed.

"Well, you're a girl and I-"

"I'm a _girl_? Why, thank you for noticing! Just because I'm a _girl_ doesn't mean everything I have problems with is boys! Honestly, I would've expected more from you. You should know me well enough. I have a _very_ non-existent love life, Sirius, you—"

"You didn't let me finish!" he interrupts, looking at me, surprised by my outburst. "I know it's not just 'cause you're a girl Alex. And I'm not saying you don't have other things on your mind, I'm just saying that it seems like you're often preoccupied with your own thoughts, and your stumbling on your words more often than you probably realize when you talk to anyone of the male species." He finishes, still looking at me oddly.

I bite my tongue and look down at my slowly emptying butterbeer bottle. I hadn't even known I was stumbling nor having problems talking to guys. But why? As mentioned, my love life is really non-existent. My last boyfriend only lasted maybe a week, the very beginning of 6th year. After that it was a smooth ride in Singletown.

But who was I having boy problems with? James? Remus? No, they've both got themselves girlfriends and I've no romantic feelings for them. Andrew? Well, still no feelings like that, but I'd been meaning to ask what he meant that day in class. He was a decent guy, but we were only friends. Sirius? I was definitely having issues with him, that much was clear, but it's not like I was madly in love with the guy. Sure, I noticed little things about him, things he did when he wasn't being a complete arse or locked in a broom cupboard snogging who-knows-who... Who else cold—oh, there _was_ someone else. I'd almost forgotten about him. My mystery man, at the ball. I still didn't know who he was, and maybe, because of this, I stumbled on my words. Any person, any boy, could turn out to be him. I couldn't help but wonder if he had been thinking about me as much as I had thought about him. Now I see where Sirius was coming from.

"Oh, well, I didn't even notice..." I mumble.

He seemed somewhat pleased with this and leaned forward, closer to me. "So, who's the lucky bloke you're lost about?" he asks. I can detect something in his voice, maybe worry, or anxiety, maybe a hint of pain... though I'm not sure why.

"I...I don't know." I say. But that's the truth. I don't. I don't have a clue who he was, or even his house placement.

He frowned. "How can you not know? Alex you really are lost."

Tell me about it.

I sigh. "I just don't. It's complicated, okay. I... It's just something I've got to work on."

He opens his mouth to reply, or protest more likely, or give some snarky remark, but James jumped in. "Oi! You two finished?"

We both look at him, standing up with the rest of the group, watching us curiously.

"Oh yea, 'course." I say, tipping back my bottle to finish it off, and hopefully ignore my flushed face. We both stand and file out of the pub, making our way back to the castle.

Somehow we all fell into rows of twos, Lily and James in the lead. Sirius and I fell into step together in the back. I looked ahead of me at Rachel and Remus, looking insanely pleased with one another, their fingers laced together as they walked ahead of us. I smile at the pair.

"They make quite a couple. Sometimes I feel almost jealous of Moony." Sirius said quietly, his head dipping down towards me as he spoke. "Not that I fancy Rachel or anything, though she seems nice enough, but he'd... he's just so happy. You should've heard him before she finally jumped him." He rolled his eyes. "He wouldn't stop going on about her, though he made us all swear not to say anything about it. He figured she'd never like him, thought he was too quite. Course we told him not to be daft, but still... Looks like it worked out nicely though." He said, as the two of us saw them share a kiss. I couldn't help but melt just a bit. I was really happy for my friend; she was already happy, but now she's just so much _happier_ and confident even.

I turned and gave him a sideways glance. "Jealous? Sirius, you know you're my best mate, and I mean with any respect I can give, but you practically could have any girl locked in a closet with you in moments. How are you jealous?" I ask, trying not to sound repulsed at my statement.

"Not _any_ girl..." I heard him mutter under his breath, but I caught the statement. "Because, he's got one girl who completely gets him, and cares about _him_, Alex, not for his looks. Every girl I get only fancies a snog off me." He says darkly.

I study him; his expressions, the way he says his words, how he just looks like he's in pain. "Well, I don't exactly know how to help you with this problem. I mean, I'm not you, so... But, even so, I'm sort of a believer in that one person who just loves you unconditionally." I shrug. "You just haven't found her yet." I say simply.

He looks at me. "I wouldn't be so sure about that Alex."

I didn't get a chance to ask which 'that' he meant before walking the final meters up into the castle and vanishing from my sight.

* * *

**Okay, got a few notes for you all.**

**1) Alex's dad is probably very fuzzy to you all but I promise it will all get cleared up later. But, for all those wary of him, no, he did NOT leave her or anything like that. He's a good person, I promise. You just have to wait and see :3**

**2) I only get internet for a small amount of time each day (minus weekends) So I think posting could get harder. Sorry D:**

**3) Erm, anyone else notices this chapter is just UBER long? Goodness...**

**4) Any guesses on wha the next chapter will bring? Hint: the title is 'Confessions' ;)**

**~xoDA**


	15. Confessions

**Ahh! It's the moment you've all been waiting for! Whoo! yay! *excitement***

**Okay, I'll just let you read and be happy. See you at the bottom.**

* * *

**Chapter 15: Confessions**

I seemed to be turning into an interrogator over the next few days. For one, I had neglected to ask Andrew, once again, what he meant that day in class, about having a friend that close. Surely it wasn't good news; I gathered that from his tone of voice, but I figured maybe he'd want a friend, or whatever I am, I thought I was a friend, to talk to. I'd been told by several people, Lily and Rachel included, that I was always good at giving advice. Not so good at taking it. But that was another story. I still thought Andrew might want someone to talk to. But I tended to be forgetful and, well, needless to say it slipped my mind. It almost felt guilty forgetting. As I said, I think he might need a friend, and if I keep forgetting, he's just going to be lonely and friendless all thanks to me. It's my fault, it's all my fault. Oh Merlin...

Then there was Sirius. Honestly, when is he _not_ a topic in my life? You'd think by now everything was sorted and we could get on with our bloody lives, but no. He's always causing problems. It's always his fault, I've decided. Always. But, I was trying to hunt him down and ask him what in Merlin's name he's talking about when he said 'I wouldn't be so sure of that Alex.' Because I've been worked up about it for quite a while. This task I actually remembered, but it was talking to him that was the issue. I either couldn't find him around the castle, class was in session, he or I was in a shitty mood, or he was 'busy'. I'd rather not say what 'busy' meant. Okay, okay I'll be fair. I didn't exactly know what it meant, but there were times where he'd be gone, literally no one would see him, and then just pop up out of nowhere. Thinking about it, maybe 'busy' didn't mean he was snogging a girl's face off in a cupboard... Maybe he was out for a leisurely stroll on all fours, if you catch my drift.

Currently I was buried in books as I tried to complete all my homework due tomorrow and the day after. Yes, it is extremely late at night. Yes, I am obscenely tired. And yes, these bloody essays are hell. But I recently, ah, put off my homework... Now karma is biting me in the arse for it. Damn karma... With a sigh I finish my Charms essay. That was the easy one, and Rachel had helped me with the beginning. My Transfiguration essay was started, and hopefully wouldn't be hard. History of Magic would _not_ be fun, but it wasn't due for at least another 2 days. Then there was Potions. That was due tomorrow and I've barely done another on it. Shit. Might as well st—

"Miss Marqcues, the library is closed. Get back to your dorm before I report you to the headmaster."

I sigh and shake my head slowly, then nod. "Alright, thank you Madam Pince." I mumble.

I gather my things, and a few books for my potions essay, and head out of the library and back to the Gryffindor Tower.

"Mourment." I say to the Fat Lady, who glares at me as she opens the portrait hole for me. I shuffle in, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep in my cozy four-poster bet. I trudge up the stairs to me dorm and change, I think, out of my robes, tossing them to the floor into the pile of Merlin-knows-what.

With a final flop I lay on my bed, falling sleep before I even hit the sheets, hopefully going into a happy, possibly dream-filled sleep.

Yea, did I mention that I hate karma?

xXx

I was back at the ball, wearing my same blue dress and my same stunning mask, and I was back in the arms of my mystery man. He looked the same as well; maroon shirt with the top buttons undone, white tie loosely around his neck, grey eyes... Though there _was_ something else in his eyes, though I couldn't place what it was. Bu, in my dream, I didn't give a damn. I was seeing him again, so what did it matter?

We were dancing, and talking, and laughing; enjoying ourselves. I almost believed it was real, that I really _was_ back at the ball. That was until we stopped dancing and left the Great Hall and all in our wake.

We'd gone to this small garden, a grove, I guess, that was empty besides us and the foliage. This time, when he spoke, his voice was different, constantly changing. Into voices that were familiar, other only a Slytherin could possess, and still others I had no idea who they belonged. It was horrible.

Then he started to laugh, and it wasn't any better than the voices. Always changing, never one. I finally understood.

I would never figure out who he was.

This wasn't a dream, it was a _nightmare_.

But, try as I might, I couldn't escape. I couldn't run from him, I couldn't figure it out, couldn't wake up and know it wasn't real. I was trapped here.

I tried pinching myself, screaming to see if I could scream myself up, stubbing my toe, and tripping. Running. Wearing myself down. Nothing worked. Everywhere I ran, he would appear, some part of him changing. Every time I tried to wake up, things would get worse, or at least no better. I needed a kick, something so forceful I'd wake up. Until I got that kick, I had to endure this torment of a man I'll never know.

But I _will_ know. This is only a nightmare. I _will_ wake up and I _will_ find out who he is. I'm not letting this horrid, bloody nightmare scare me out of doing what I have to do to figure him out.

So, as I plundered on here in my nightmares, that's what I told myself. It's only a nightmare. Nothing here is real. I'll wake up. I'll wake up... I'll wake up...

xXx

"Alex!"

He's calling my name. But how?

"Alex Marqcues!"

Oh, now it's just weird. It's like the 2nd layer of hell. He knows m, but I'll never know him.

"Alex, you don't wake up and I'll have to snog you!"

What?

My eyes open and they focus on the forms of Sirius, Remus, Lily, Molly, and James, all peering down at me. But I can see other's sneaking glances at me too.

"Mhmm... wh-what's going on?" I slur in my trance-like state.

"Guess you're outta luck, Pads." James laughs, grinning as he nudges Sirius's shoulder.

Sirius rolls his eyes and shoves him back, but doesn't comment on what he'd said.

"What, why... Where am I? I'm so... confused..." I say, sitting up.

"You're in the common room. Found you like this this morning, on the floor though..." Sirius says, looking at me.

I blink at him and look around at everyone. "No... No I went to my dorm, and changed, and... Went to bed." I protest.

Sirius shakes his head at me while Lily sits next to me as I finally manage to sit upright. "Alex... you never came up. You fell asleep on the floor. Sirius found you... well, really early. And moved you to the couch."

"Oh... Really? I don't remember that... Though I was really tired, working on Potions. Oh, bloody hell... no wonder my body aches..." I groan.

Remus and James share a look and a chuckle before James decides to chime in. "You know, Alex, you seem to find yourself in situations only Sirius seems to actually find you in... coincidence?"

Oh, now really. I roll my eyes at him. He's a great mate, I'll give him that, but James can be such a little prat... "Well, at least he's there. I don't see _you_ trying to help me out, James." I say somewhat angrily.

He only shrugs in response, the same smirk still on his lips as he runs his fingers through his forever-untidy hair. I shake my head and sigh. "Well, I'm going to bed then." I say, standing up.

"But we have classes!"  
I shrug. "So? One day won't kill me. I'll feign sick. Will you turn in my Transfiguration essay, Lily and my Potions, James? I'll finish it now and give it to you later." I say to them.

They both nod but Lily looks skeptical. "Alex, you sure?"

"I've never missed once, I don't think anyone'll get suspicious. Besides, maybe I'll go back after lunch or something. I'm just... tired." I say with a shrug. I just really need to sort my thoughts.

Lily eventually nods. "Alright, well... I better get going. See you Alex." She says after a moment, standing up and leaving, James right behind her as he leaves with a wave.

Remus stands as well. "I'll tell Rachel, I bet she'd want to know."

"Oh, yea, tell her to take good notes in History of Magic too." I say to him.

He chuckles and nods. "Will do, Alex. See you later." He says, taking his leave out of the common room, leaving Sirius and I the only two left of our group.

"Guess I should thank you. I'm sure the couch was much more comfortable than the floor. But it's so odd that I remember going up to bed..." I say to him, still perplexed. I sit back down.

He shrugs, but I can see a grin forming on his lips. "It wasn't anything to get worked up about. And you just seemed... extremely uncomfortable. Wasn't so hard." He replies.

"Well it was nice of you. I'm sure James would've probably just laughed..." I say with an eye roll as Sirius laughs.

"Oh, James isn't that heartless. He'd probably get someone else to move you. After laughing." He chuckled.

I smiled, and then suddenly get that 'light-bulb-over-my-head' expression. "Oh, Sirius, er, can I ask you something?" I ask suddenly.

He gives me a wary and surprised look, but nods. "Yea, sure Alex. You alright?"

I nod. "Yea, I'm fine. Um, I wanted to know... what you meant. That day, walking back from Hogsmeade. You said... well, I'm not entirely sure what you said. But I..."

"I know what I said." He said, stopping my small ramble. He sighed, but stayed standing by the end of the couch.

I didn't say anything. I sort of thought I shouldn't, figuring if I did maybe he wouldn't answer me. However he planned to do that.

"Well, you said that maybe I haven't found that 'one perfect girl' or whatever. I said 'I wouldn't be so sure about that Alex.'." he paused a moment, and it looked as if he was choosing his words carefully. "Well... what if I've found her, but... but what if she hasn't found me? What if I know who that girl is, but she doesn't know me?"

I can hear his emotions in his words. Truth, I know he means this; it's not just some bloody comment. Curiosity, this has obviously been on his mind for quite some time, and he's never gotten an answer. Pain. There's pain in his voice. I can't place why. But maybe he's known of this girl for ages and she just hasn't even noticed. It's probably killing him.

"I... I don't know. Maybe... maybe she's not meant to know yet." I say quietly trying to place my words together.

He shrugs. "What if I'm just waiting for a girl that'll never come around?" he asks, giving me a hard look.

I blink and shake my head. "I don't know. Those are questions not meant for me to answer Sirius. I'm sorry." I whisper.

He gives me a sad smile. "It's not your fault, no need to be sorry. I'll see you later." He says, grabbing his bag and leaving me in the common room.

I was alone with my thoughts, and Sirius's words and unanswered questions hanging in the air, almost tangible to me.

xXx

After lunch I'd gone back to class. I had Charms and I'd finally plucked my courage to ask Andrew what he had meant.

But when I did, he simply shook his head, that same sad smile on his face, and said, "It's hard to find a friend that'll stay with you forever. I learned it the hard way..." he left it at that, saying nothing more, and being much quieter and mellow through the lesson. I didn't ask him anything else. From what I could gather, he'd had a friend he trusted more than anything and the friends stabbed him in the back. And it obviously stung him hard. I decided not to bring it up again, for his sake.

The rest of the lesson was simple and I found myself moving along to Arithmancy. Professor Vector, to my dismay, piled on a huge chart of, naturally, numbers and numbers and _more numbers_. Yes, I know, Arithmancy is all numbers, it's why I took the class, numbers always made sense, but at the moment I just couldn't concentrate. Maybe I really was getting sick. Ugh, but the last thing I needed was a trip to the hospital Wing. So I just grumbled and left the class. Well, that was my last class. For today anyway.

But as soon as I went back to the common room after diner and huddled into that one big, cozy chair by the fire, I realized that now I only had _more_ on my mind.

Andrew's words, my guesses on what happened with him, Sirius's words form Hogsmeade mixed with his new questions, the curiosity of who 'she' could be. I felt like my head was just going to burst. I had been told I've been too curious for my own good.

Thinking that, since my classes had kept my mind at bay, working on essays and assignments might also do the same. So with that, I pulled out my Arithmancy chart, textbook, and quill with a sigh.

As I started working, I realized there were really not a lot of people in the common room with me; a 7th year studying in the opposite corner and two 3rd years playing wizard chess. It was mostly empty and I sort of liked it that way. I know, I'm usually a people person, but right now I was enjoying it. Oh, right, homework...

With another sigh I look down and start scribbling on my chart, huddled up by the fire. Surprisingly, I was actually content with doing my work. It was odd. I _never_ actually _want_ to do my work. There must've been something in my pumpkin juice...

About a half house, 1 finished chart, and a three-fourths finished Defense essay later, I hear a noise that tells me there are more people in the Gryffindor Tower than I thought.

There's some thumping upstairs, and muffled voices joking around. Soon their voices carry down to me from the boys dormitories.

"...dress with a silver and black mas. Sh-"

"Her? You actually _talked_ to her?"

"Oh, don't act so surprised. You act like it was a miracle..."

I look up from my essay, listening to the two guys. I think I have a right to eavesdrop though. They were talking about me, or at least my outfit, though; even if they didn't know it _was_ me. Though I wanted to know why they were. Who I'd talked to. And why they sounded so familiar...

"...you ever return my maroon shirt?"  
"Yea, it's back in your trunk. But, mate, I _snogged_ her."

Wait. No... This...

I feel my quill slip from my hand and hit the floor with not so much as a small _'tink'_.

Now I was feeling frantic. He was _right there_. My mystery man. Just up in the dormitories. The Gryffindor dormitories. He's in _my_ house. He sounds familiar.

I know him already...

I think I may just hyperventilate. It may seem silly to anyone else, but I was feeling like I could do whatever I bloody pleased right now. Including panic.

I found myself leaning inwards, towards the voices, not really caring what fell out of my lap and onto the floor.

"...best snog I ever had. But, don't get me wrong, she's bloody amazing otherwise, too, whoever she is."

"You are one lucky bloke, I'll give you that. Bet you wish you knew who she was, eh?"

I heard my alleged mystery man scoff. "Of course I do. It's eating me alive not knowing who she is."

At this moment I heard their footsteps as they decided to come down the stairs and into the common room.

Oh Merlin, I think my heart is trying to escape my rib cage. Really, I think it may just burst.

With each thump of their footsteps, my hard hammers harder.

_Thump, thump, thump._

Pound, pound, pound.

This is it, the moment I've been wa- Oh, Merlin, that's so cliché. I'm not even finishing that thought. But, I _have_ been waiting for this. I have wanted to know. And it's clear he wanted to know it was me as much as I know him.

The footsteps were louder now. I was now biting my lip in anticipation. I watch as I see someone's foot, the one who was now talking about how he wanted to find me in the first place, but didn't know how, and I knew that foot belonged to my mystery man. I kept watching, not wanting to wait any longer. Finally, out of the dormitory steps—

Sirius.

Sirius Black.

I'm so confused. My head is spinning, I can't see straight, my vision is blurry and it sounds like there's a buzzing in my ears. My head's still pounding, and it's the only thing I can hear.

Sirius? He's my... my mystery man? But... he can't be. He just can't. I would've figured it out. He can't... can't be...

"Alex. Oh, hi."

I blink, trying to clear my vision. I see the other boy, who was James, leaving. I also see my best friend/Sirius/_mystery man_ standing in front of me.

"Uh... erm... mhm..."

That's what makes its way out of my mouth as a reply to his hello. As expected, he gave me a thoroughly confused look and a quirky, charming smile.

"Er, alright there Alex?" he asks, peering down at me.

"You were wearing maroon. At the ball/ And a... white tie." I blurt. I realized right now I was going to settle this myself. Either he was, as it seems to be, or he wasn't.

He blinked at me, like I had, then swallows. "Um, yea. I was. Why... you, ah, say so?"

"And you danced with that... that girl. In the blue dress. And you kissed her."

"Yes, I did." He says quietly.

He was, without any doubt in my mind, my mystery man. "You're the boy in maroon..." I whisper to myself.

"I... Well, I guess... I guess I am.. erm, why Alex?" his eyes looked inquisitive, as if wondering how I knew. It hadn't dawned on him yet.

Then his eyes grew wide, and his face flushed. I think I can see his heart beating. He almost looks like a stone, just sort of staring. Reality just smacked him in the face.

"Y-You're... you're... A-Alex..." he stutters, obviously trying to find his voice and the right words. Though he looked completely shell-shocked, he also looker... pleased? "_You're_ the... the girl in the blue dress?" he finally asked.

I bite my lip and stand up out of my chair, smoothing my robes as I go. "W-Well... yes. I am... her. B-But... but _you_ were, are, m-my... um, the guy in maroon?" I say, quickly changing my path and probably sounding like a broken record for saying it again. I tried to sound strong, or at least normal, but instead I stuttered, faltered and fumbled on my words.

But could you blame me? I'd been completely head-over-heels in love with my alleged mystery man, fancying him more than _air_; and he's turning out to be Sirius? I just couldn't fathom it. Yea, sure, Sirius was a good bloke, when he's not pulling a prank, but he's my best mate! I don't fancy him! Just his... mysterious alter ego. I think. I don't know, I'm so lost. _Do_ I fancy Sirius? Well, I never really thought about it. He's just my best mate, nothing more and nothing less. Right?

"Well, there's really only... one way to find out..." he says.

And before I really registered what he had meant, he stepped forward, took my face in his hands, and gently pressed his lips to mine.

I don't think I've ever been happier.

* * *

**...Well? What do you think?**

**This chapter I really do want reviews. Normally I don't care, but I'm so curious as to what you all think. **

**So, yea, tell me! **

**I'm so thrilled though. I've had ideas/stuff written for ages for things to come after they _finally_ got together.**

**Yay!**

**Okay, I'll leave you to reviewing now. :D**

**~xoDA**


	16. Blurred Vision

**Chapter 16: Blurred Vision**

**A/N: Just a warning, the f-bomb will be dropped in this chapter. And, presumably, in chapters following this. Mostly, from now on, there will most likely be some more swearing in the story. It'll make more sense in later chapters. But I will 'mark' or tell you before each one if there's really bad swearing, like this one. So yea. Keep that in mind.**

**Oh, and last time I checked I don't own Harry Potter. (But wouldn't that be wonderful?)**

* * *

And I dreaming? I'm dreaming. There's no way I'm actually snogging _Sirius Black_ and enjoying it. I mean, he's my best mate, my alleged mystery man, and here I am, arms thrown around his neck and thoroughly snogging his face off. _Happily_. This is _so_ a dream.

"Oi! When did this happen?"

Oh, well, I guess this is real. I really am all over Sirius. Well. Now people are coming back from dinner to find us... locked together. Fuck.

Almost reluctantly, which I still can't believe, the both of us surface and whip our heads around to look at the people staring at us wide-eyed, and, the 'leader' of the group, James, who was staring, but grinning from ear to ear, eyes still wide.

I'm so jumbled I don't even allow myself to blush; I just blink at the confused crowd, almost wondering why they find this so surprising. But, well, thinking on it, I really am, save Lily, the only Gryffindor who wouldn't ever willingly want to share a broom cupboard with Sirius and now I was doing what they all thought I'd never door in the _middle of the bloody common room_. Oh shit, oh fuck... What was I getting my miserable arse into?

"Um, about maybe five minutes ago." I hear myself say to the crowd in answer to James's earlier question.

Upon saying this, the crowd smiles and James roars with laughter. Obviously this was something comical to say after you get caught snogging someone's face off.

As soon as I feel Sirius's gaze on me, my cheeks flush. Wow, great timing... I can't help but look back at him, only to find him smiling at me. Not that grin I always see, or a smirk, or anything like that, but a gentle, warm, smile. I smile back. I can't help it. But I think I've realized my, ah, feelings for Mr. Sirius Black. I realize that, yes, I love my mystery man, and he's Sirius. And honestly, I love him. It's just... that simple. I love Sirius Black.

I think I just had a breakthrough.

With this sudden realization in mind, I lunge back forward to Sirius and hug him. Just hug him.

As Sirius readily hugs me back, I hear James saunter towards us and away from the mumbling crowd.

"So, _how_ did this little, ah, 'session' begin?" he asks with a smirk as Sirius let go of me for a moment to smack James with the back of his hand.

He just laughs it off, though, and re-asks his question. "Okay, okay, I actually _don't_ want to know how you two started snogging—" smack, "—but I do want to know _why_. No offense or anything, but, Alex, last I checked, you retched at the prospect of... well, this." He said, gesturing to the two of us sitting extremely close to one another, arms around each other.

My face was probably as red as Gryffindor by now. I don't usually get so... embarrassed but, honestly, I could never ever possibly have dreamed about sitting here snogging _Sirius Black_, that I thought maybe I had a valid reason to be so red. I simply shrugged at James. "Well, erm, I just... learned something that, ah, changed my... judgment, of S-Sirius."

I just stuttered, hesitated, and fumbled on my words in the same sentence. Oh bloody Merlin. Someone just put me out of my misery now... And, really, that answer would not satisfy James Potter. He'd ask what I meant or... something. Lovely.

"Oh, thank you Alex. That completely clarifies why you're snogging my best mate" James says sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "Would you care to elaborate?"

I knew it. I knew my half-hearted, vague answer wouldn't do me any good. I sigh and I feel Sirius's hands tighten slightly around me, as if telling me I should let James 'in on it' I guess. Well, guess it's pretty much out anyways. Or it will be...

"Well, James, Sirius was telling you about that 'girl in the blue dress'. I'm her."

James opens his mouth, as if to protest, but then he shuts it, eyeing us. He obviously thinks this answer could be possible. He looks at Sirius, who I see gives a small shake of his head. What the bloody hell did that mean? Blokes...

"Really, huh? So you two have snogged before then." James finally says, breaking out that grin again. I roll my eyes but my face flushes. He was right though. Technically, I've already snogged Sirius senseless. But I didn't know it was him! So, it doesn't count. Does it? It doesn't, I've decided, and James isn't going to change my mind on that. Sirius decides to chime in right about now.

"I guess, but it's different, mate. Just cause you didn't get a girl-"

"I haven't got the need for one! In case you've forgotten, I've got Lily." James interrupted as Sirius chuckled at his reply.

"Alright, alright mate. Don't get your knickers in a twist." Sirius says with a cheeky grin.

James gives him a disdainful look, but moves on. "Anyway... are you two now really together then? Officially, I mean. Cause from the looks of it you're clearly together... somehow."

Well, I don't know. Obviously we'd never gone out on a date or anything of that nature. But, well, we'd been snogging for what seemed like ages. That's to mean something, doesn't it? Probably. But, what did it mean?

"Erm, I don't... know yet, mate. Keep you posted." Sirius says, glancing at me with a questioning look, almost as if wondering if that was the right thing to say.

I give him a smile and a shrug. I had no idea what I was doing anyways. I really haven't had a lot of boyfriends. Yea, there was Grayson in 5th year, sort of, Thomas Fletcher, a Ravenclaw, for maybe a week, and maybe a date or two at random, on occasion, but nothing major, and I certainly hadn't snogged any of them. Well, snogged them like I had Sirius. Grayson and I, ah, had met lips, a few times... I wondered how 'being' with Sirius would change my existence. He's been my best mate for ages on end, and now suddenly we're going to be a couple? Madness! I must be mad!

You don't just go around snogging your best friend! I'm crazy!

"Oh to be young and in love..." James says in a sing-song voice.

"James if you don't shut your face in the next minute, I can guarantee you'll be having a fine time with the giant squid." I say bluntly. "I have enough issues already without your help!" I snap.

James looks at me with a sort of blank expression on his face, as If he was actually surprised at my outburst. I wasn't. I think it's perfectly normal to snap at someone when you're having mental arguments with yourself. Oh, bugger... I'm pretty sure this means I'm only further off the deep end than I thought...

"Alex, I hope you don't mind my asking, but... What are you on about?" I hear Sirius say to me in a confused tone.

I sighed exasperatedly, as if it's obvious. "Oh, like you can't see it too. No offense, Sirius, but it's really strange for me to erm... be snogging my best mate." I say with a small shrug, my face coloring slightly.

Sirius seems to think this over, and I can see his expression darkening. But why? What did I say to make his expression almost sad? I was here snogging him for Merlin's sake! Shouldn't he be happy? I know I am, and that's saying something.

"Well, I guess I see where you're coming from... Oh bloody hell. What's wrong with—come here."

"Wait, what-"

"Just, follow me!"

In the span of maybe twenty seconds he's gotten up, pulled my arm and dragged me out of the common room. He'd also shot James another look, to which James gave a knowing look and nodded.

Bloody shit... I wish they'd stop doing that.

Blokes...

"Sirius where are we going? Don't you even think about bringing me to a broom cupboard right now!" I say again in a warning tone.

"No, not a broom cupboard." He mumbles, pulling me up to the 7th floor and around corners. "I'm not going to shag you, Alex, calm down." He adds.

Well. I hadn't been thinking _shagging_ at all. Snogging was one thing but...

"Er... okay... good." I mumble out, looking down at my feet as we shuffle onwards.

He doesn't seem to mind and then he stops me. We're in some sort of deserted corridor. "I need to tell you something."

I stare at him. "Clearly. But why are we _here_?" I ask, confused. Yea, I get that it may be some sort of secret, but did he really have to bring me here?

He sighs and looks down at his hands, one of which is still holding mine.

"Look, Alex, I... I know it's sort of unnoticed and might be sort of, erm, shocking... But I've sort of... Well, I, um..."

"Oh, come out with it Sirius. I've had plenty of surprises already!" I say, getting sort of anxious. Is this what he had been keeping form me for so long? I almost hope so...

Sirius sighs, starting again. "Well, ever since 2nd year, I've... I've sort of loved you, Alex." He says, gazing at me, reaching his hand up to stroke my cheek, smiling softly...

Well... with his attitude now; sweet and gentle and kind, how could I possibly say anything but the obvious?

"I love you too."

It did come as a bit of a shock, learning he had really loved e since 2nd year. I mean, you think I would've seen some signs or—Oh Merlin, I'm an _idiot_. There _had_ been signs! Saying things only me, hiding a secret, always being the one to carry me places, the way he talked to me sometimes... Bloody hell. Bloody fucking hell. But was he trying to tell me? If not, then maybe I wasn't supposed to see the signs...

"Why... didn't you tell me earlier?" I ask him, probably surprising him a bit.

Sirius purses his lips and runs a hand through his long black hair. "Well, would you tell someone you loved them if you knew they didn't feel the same?"

Oh. Well I hadn't thought about that. I guess it'd be helpless to tell me. It wasn't until now, more than halfway through out 6th year, that I fell in love with him -Oh, Merlin, I sound almost sappy with so much 'love'—so he had good reason not to tell me. I mean, I guess I don't really know what I would done but I surely wouldn't have said 'I love you' back. I probably wouldn't even have fancied him! Obviously my feelings have changed. Slightly. From my earlier thoughts, I do love him, but it's... dodgy. It's all very surreal to me, but I think I just need to... adjust, to this. To him. To all of it.

I sigh gently and put my hand on his shoulder, looking him in his startling grey eyes. "Well, I'm glad you told me know, because... because you can't fear rejection when you've already got me."

His expression brightens at my words and he chuckles softly.

Then, as I surely predicted earlier, we started snogging.

xXx

For the next few days, if anyone looked at me, they would think I'm on some sort of drug. I felt like I was on cloud nine. I was stopped in the halls, or yelled across classrooms, the Great Hall, even in the loo once, and asked the same questions.

"Are you _really_ dating Sirius Black?"

"What made you change your mind?"

"Is he as good a song as everyone says?"

"So, _you_ are the girl in the blue dress?"

"So are _you_ a great snog then? ...Mind showing me?" This one is mostly from fifth and sixth year boys.

And, to which I gave the same answers. "Yes", "Lots of things.", "Yea, I guess.", "Yea I am.", "I dunno, I'd like to think so.", and of course "Not unless you want your lips burned off." Though, honestly, on that last one, I didn't understand why blokes bothered asking. Despite what Sirius may have done in the past, I wasn't about to start snogging someone I didn't really know. Or cheat on Sirius, of course.

I am a good girl. Sort of. Oh, you know what I mean. In light of recent events, I learned I care about Sirius, an awful lot, actually, and there wasn't a chance I'd do anything like that to him. And I felt, hoped, that he felt the same.

I mean, if he really did... love me since second year, it doesn't seem likely that he'd go about snogging some other girl...

Now, at the present moment, I was making my way through the halls to Defense Against the Dark Arts. I had, surprisingly, kept up with all my homework over the past few weeks, and wasn't at all worried that I didn't have an assignment. I walked down the corridor and turned into the classroom, looking around the room to see who was already here. Well, if I'm being honest, I am looking for Sirius, since this is the only class we share, but I was allowed to want to see him, right? I was snogging the bloke, wasn't I? Yea, I was, so I think I have the liberty to want to see him. But he wasn't present, not that I was particularly surprised of course. I was almost common for the marauders to show up to class at the last possible moment. They're marauders for a reason. So I take my seat, set my rucksack down, and sigh.

I had always assumed my life was a mess, then got worse with the ball, then my mystery man, then Sirius, now I'm _dating_ him. It's as if my feelings are doing all kinds of turns. I went from thinking him nothing more than a best mate, to loving him more than anything at Hogwarts. I think, like usual, it's all very confusing. Or normal in my case. But there was some loving going on in there, amidst all the other things causing this mess. Oh, I really need to stop thinking; it's starting to make my head pound.

Suddenly I feel two strong hands on my shoulders, giving them a soft squeeze. "Afternoon, love." I hear the owner of the hands say, kissing my check as he sits down next to me.

Almost involuntarily, I smile bright, forgetting about my earlier impending migraine. "Hello, Sirius." I say, turning my body to face him.

"That's all I get? Just a 'Hello, Sirius?' And I thought you were more enthusiastic about dating me Alex." He said, feigning surprise and slight disappointment in me.

"As I recall, _you_ were more enthusiastic about dating _me_, _dear_." I say with a small smirk.

He gives me a cheeky grin and shrugs, brushing it off only as Sirius does. "Yea, okay, but I still think I deserve a better hello than that." He says pointedly.

I roll my eyes at him. "Well fine then. What do _you_ think is an acceptable hello from me to you?" I asked him.

He leans back in his chair and sighs. "Well, I think that's up to you, love. I can't make your choices." He says, giving a small shrug as he moves his hair out his sterling grey eyes. Which I now seem to find much more... interesting. I mean, I've never seen anyone with grey eyes before, and their just so stunning... I shake my head slightly and tare my eyes away.

"You know, I never liked it when you make me try to please you, or anyone, I guess." I mumble to myself, thought I bet he can hear me. I sigh, then give him a knowing look. "But, technically, there's no need for hello's since the conversation's already started."

Sirius looks at me a moment then laughs as Professor Graff waves his want to shut the door and begin class. He turns back to the front of the class and whispers to me, "Alright, then you've got to come up with a clever way to say goodbye, then, if your just so witty." He flashes me a triumphant grin before pulling out his quill and ink.

I sigh, slightly groaning at the prospect, and shake my head. Like I've said, he can be a real prat, but Sirius is quite a brilliant boy.

xXx

"Okay, let's hear it."

The lesson ended not two seconds ago and he already wants to know my goodbye? What if I hadn't thought about it? I mean, I had, of course, but still...

"Well, someone wants to be rid of me." I say, stuffing my things in my bag.

"Oh, on the contrary really, I'll probably find you after class at dinner, or later-" he says, winking at me as I roll my eyes, "-but I'm only curious as to what you have come up with, love." He says, turning and giving me his full attention. Lovely.

Well now I'm nervous. It was almost silly and childish, but I thought it'd amuse him. And, hey, I was all for amusement.

So with that, I stood up, curtsied, then kissed his cheek. "G'day to you, sir." I said in a very dramatic voice, then swiveled on my heel, and walked out, hearing Sirius bark-like laughter echo through the room.

Feeling quite pleased with myself, I headed off to Arithmancy, hoping to catch Lily before the lesson started. I feel like I hadn't talked to her, or Rachel, much at all since that day in the common room with Sirius. Of course they both knew, I'd done my best to tell them everything during lessons, since I, as said, hadn't seen them much in between.

I walk into the lesson, set down my things, and scan the room. Lily was nowhere in sight. Class was about to start, and it wasn't like her to be late... I walk over to Malroy Jones, a Hufflepuff who sits next to her in class, and as if he knows where she is.

"Yea, I heard she's in the Hospital Wing."

"What? Why?" I ask quickly, wondering how I hadn't heard about this. And, no matter how klutzy Lily was, and trust me, she was _very_ klutzy, James probably had scars from all the times she's tripped into him, though maybe those started becoming on purpose when she started fancying him, but no matter how klutzy, she _hated_ the Hospital Wing. She was convinced that one day Madam Pomfrey would just need to amputate her or something as if to make her less of a klutz. Yea, right.

Malroy only shrugs. "Dunno. I heard a girl say it a few classes ago, Potions, when Slughorn asked where she was."

I sigh. "Oh, well, thank you Malroy." I say, walking back to my seat. I made myself a mental note to go and visit her after class ended.

For some reason I felt guilty. I know I hadn't made her go into the Hospital Wing or anything like that, but I think it was because I hadn't known earlier, or talked to her much too, like a good mate would have. It made me feel slightly rotten, and I really didn't like it. I couldn't concentrate at all on my Arithmancy lesson, and began counting the minutes until I could rush to her bedside and beg for her forgiveness. Was she just sick? Wounded? Did she have a fatal illness? On her death bed? Moments left in her life? Oh Merlin, I'm killing Lily!

'Stop it, Alex. You're being completely mental. Get ahold of yourself. You aren't killing your mate.'

Right, okay, deep breaths. Calm yourself. Lily's probably only got a cold or a sprained ankle or something. 'Quit worrying, it's not going to help you or her.'

I glanced around the room as Professor Vector drabbled on with today's lesson. No one seemed to notice my impending heart attack or internal panic attack as I presumed my mate's death, of my own accord, somehow. Good. I don't need any accusations.

'Stop it! Bloody hell! You didn't do anything, you idiot! Now pay attention before you get a 'Troll' on your next assignment.' I thought to myself, shaking my head.

Merlin, if I ever did do anything to my mates, involuntarily or not, I'd probably go mad and be sent to St. Mungo's. I'm never becoming a Death Eater. Not that I was planning on it or anything. Maybe I'll become an Auror... I've got the classes and grades... hm...

No! Pay attention!

This is why I need people, they keep my mind at bay.

xXx

Once class was dismissed, I bolted from the room, heading to the Hospital Wing. I could find Sirius later, maybe James would tell him and he'd assume I went to find her. Well, either way, I wasn't going to let her die up there. I was sure Lily could barely handle herself up there...

I picked up my pace a bit as I neared the doors, striding in and scanning the room for—

"Alex! What're you doing here?"

My head snaps to the left as my name is called, and I see Lily lying in one of the beds, tissues everywhere, but relatively calm...

"Oh, Lily! Um, I think that question's better directed at you. You're the one in the bed." I say, gesturing to the bed in question.

She waves her hand dismissively. "Only a bit of the flu, Pomfrey suspects, but I'm here for tonight, despite my protesting... But you... look fine." She says, looking me up and down, then gives me a confused look.

I shake my head. "Heard you were in here, but no one told me why. I had to check. You are one of my best mates, yea?"

Lily gave me an amused smile. "What, did you think I was on my death bed?"

I twirl a strand of hair through my fingers and look away. "Er... something like that..." I mumble out.

She laughs and shakes her head, reaching for another tissue. "Merlin, Alex, sometimes you just... over react—"

"No I don't! I've just got a... wild imagination."

"—Though I guess with all your crazy emotions, it should be expected." She says with a slight smirk before blowing her nose rather loudly.

I cock my head and furrow my brows. "What do you mean 'my crazy emotions'?" I ask, then answer my own question with another. "Oh, wait, with... with Sirius? Oh those aren't crazy emotions!" I saw, swatting at her arm lightly.

She grins and shakes her head. "Oh, you should see the two of you. It's definitely crazy. 'Specially him. He's completely off his rocker about you, Alex. Besides, you're snogging left and right. I wouldn't be surprised if you started _shagging_ anytime soon!"

I take another swat at her arm, harder this time. "We are _not_ going to start _shagging_ Lily! For heaven's sake!" I say, swatting once again to no avail. _Honestly!_ Like I was the type to start shagging anyone... not that I was a prude, oh heaven's no, but I was not a slag... Please.

Lily only keeps laughing as if my reactions was just the funniest thing in Hogwarts.

"What? I'm not going to shag him! Why is this so funny? Have you and James been shagging then, hm?"

That last seemed to get her out of her laughing fit. "No we have not!" she cries, her eyes widening at the thought. "We haven't done anything of the sort! Snogging is the only thing... but not shagging!"

Now I burst into a fit of laughter. Lily isn't a prude either, sort of, it really varies, it's confusing, but much more so than I am. She's not really the one to swear and even when snogging I doubt it's got all the 'crazy emotions' I seem to have. Bugger...

"Alex, stop it! You're so... immature, sometimes." She huffs, only making me laugh more.

I shake my head. "Oh... like you aren't sometimes. You brought up all this shagging business anyways—"

"Who's shagging?"

"And why wasn't I invited?"

The both of us turn out heads to see two familiar blokes strolling in.

"You better not be shagging anyone. Except me of course." Sirius says to, giving me a pointed look and a charming grin.

I roll my eyes at him. "I'm not even shagging you!" I say, hitting his arm. Hm, I'm being much more abusive today. Probably not so great...

Sirius gives me a smirk. "Yea, not _yet_." He says, winking at me.

I'll deny it if anyone asks, but I feel my cheeks get hot at his remark.

I didn't reply, since I'm sure something just _brilliant, _note the sarcasm there, would come out of my mouth, and turned to Lily and James, where the latter is asking her how she's feeling and who I'm shagging. Really Prongs? You think I'd tell Lily who I'm shagging? Please. Not that I am. I'm not. But, still, it'd only probably be Sirius. But I'm not shagging him either. I haven't shagged anyone. I'm still—er, _'pure'_.

"What are you all doing here? Miss Evans is sick! Out!" Madam Pomfrey has discovered our presence.

"Yea, she's sick, we need to make sure she's not dying." James pipes in, though that doesn't seem to have helped.

"Oh, Mr. Potter she's perfectly fine. Now, she needs rest, out!" she barked at us.

The three of us say our goodbyes, James settling on kissing her forehead as Pomfrey is watching us like a hawk, and we take our leave.

"That woman's mad when she's got a sick student." James says as soon as the doors shut and we round a corner.

"Yea, you've got that right mate. You'd think we were _trying_ to poison her or something." Sirius says, strolling along beside me. "She out to know we're-"

"Oh, look, it's the 'new happy couple', and _Potter_."

Our heads swivel to the sound of the familiar sneering voice and my mood instantly darkened. "What do you want, Snape?" I hiss at him. As soon as I said his name, I remembered what I'd seen in that 'empty' room with his potion, and flour sack. Without realizing it, I take a step back, as if he was planning on hexing me with that horrid spell right now.

I think he saw my hesitation and step back, because he sneered at me again. "Actually, I need to talk to you, Marqcues."

I can almost feel Sirius tense up at his request, his fists clenching. "I don't think what you have to say can't be said in from of James and I too."

Snape gives him an amused smirk. "Unfortunately, I think it can't be. Besides, it's not as if I'm planning to take her away from you and, oh, I don't know, _snog her_ or anything."

I tensed at that, as did James. I don't think Sirius was faring any better at his words. "You better not, Snivellus." He mutters out through his clenched teeth. I'm surprised he could actually get anything out; from what I see he's seething with rage and his teeth looked like they're glued together...

I glance over at James too, before sighing. "Alright. Get it over with." I mumble, walking forward away from the protection of the two marauders.

Snape turns and walks away, leading me 'round a corner, away from James and Sirius. He then pulls out his wand, waves it the direction we came and mumbles 'Muffliato.' He turns and looks at me. "I think it best they don't over hear." He says. From what I gather then, 'muffliato' must be some sort of silence spell, since I've never heard it before...

"Why? So they can't hear it when you hex me?" I bite out before I can stop the words.

He glares. "No, I'm not going to hex you. I wanted to warn you."

I open my mouth to respond, but hesitate. "Warn me... about what?" I ask slowly

"About him, them. The '_Marauders_'." He sneers out disdainfully, as if it was an insult. "Take it from someone on the outside looking in, they aren't so bloody perfect. They make everything fucking worse. Anyone on the outside should can see what's going on-"

"That's not all true." I interrupt.

"Yes it is." He says, staring me down so I don't dare pipe in again. "Those damn Gryffindors made me more of an outcast. They ruined every fucking thing for me."

"This is about Lily, isn't it? Well that's your own bloody fault for calling her a mudblood! You hadn't done that, things would be different. You only think that because you screwed up any hope left and are looking for something else to blame for your mistake!"

He doesn't respond for a moment, keeping quiet. I knew I'd struck a nerve. The words poured out as I talked, the realization hitting me hard.

His expression turned dark, bitter, and full of loathing. Though if the loathing was for me or my words, I wasn't sure. He looked away from me.

"You don't know what I lost; how much I regret that day. But she never cared, she only ran off to that Potter and never looked back. If I regret anything, if I could go back and change on thing in my entire life, it be calling Lily a—what I called her." Severus murmured quietly, slowly, his eyes closing slightly, his head shaking back and forth with his words.

I couldn't help it, I felt guilty. Snape be quite a git or a prat, or 'possibly a Death Eater' if you're James, but he wasn't heartless.

"I'm... sorry. I can't imagine how it is to lose a friend like that." I manage to say, though it may have been a whisper.

His gaze flicks up to my face, studying me, as if to see if I was lying. He didn't say anything for what seemed like hours.

"Don't let them change you."

That's what says to me, his final words, before taking off down the corridor.

I watch after him a moment, trying to suppress my guilt and my sorrow, then I turn and walk back to James and Sirius.

But, as I walk back, I start making up a conversation I'd had with Snape. Something to tell them that they won't care about or question. But I'm not going it for them, for Sirius or James, I'm not doing it because I don't want them thinking they'll change me or to worry them. But I'm doing it for Severus. I'm not going to tell James and Sirius something he trusted me with, possibly inadvertently. Because I'm not going to change.


	17. Chapter 17 Part 1

**Chapter 17: The Issues That Come With Having a Relationship Part 1**

* * *

_**This chapter is going to be split into 2 parts. For one, because I believe it could be very long, and I don't like huge chapters. And for another, if it wasn't 2 parts, I wouldn't update until like October. :P I've got a crazy schedule. School and water polo start up Monday/Wednesday, so be aware of that.**_

**Once again, swearing is in this chapter. Warning, mark, whatever I said I'd put, this is it. Just so you're aware. :)**

* * *

A month later we were all still happy wizards.

Something was bound to go wrong, my karma would never let me go on so happy like this for so long.

But for now everything was just spiffing, I wasn't failing any classes, I'd even pulled up a bit in Transfiguration, Sirius, James, and Remus, hadn't done anything _too_ bad lately, only some ranks on a few second years, Rachel and I had _finally_ found the time to catch up, since we both seemed to have note had a lot of time earlier, and Remus's reports on each other's well-being to one another was just not enough, _and_ to top it all off, Christmas was only maybe two weeks away.

Ah, that's the downside, Christmas. I'd written Mum and we've worked out that I would in face spend the holiday here with Lily, Sirius, who would've been with James, since he's got some... family issues, let's say, James, who'd also written his parents about staying, and Remus. Oh, well, and a few others too, obviously. Rachel tried, but her family is rather large and insisted on giving her her presents in person, as opposed to us, who'd be getting them from our families via owl.

I'd figured out what to get Lily, it was a rather interesting set of fountain pens, the things muggles usually use to write with nowadays, since she'd been going on about them since June, and a small set of her favorite sugar quills from Honeydukes. For James I'd gotten some standard dungbombs, a new bottle of broom polish, since his was about to go dry, and 2 new types of fireworks from Zonko's. Lily said he'd be thrilled. I'd gotten Remus a leather-bound notebook of blank parchment, some new 'long-lasting' quills, whatever that's supposed to mean, and a small book on supposed 'cheering' charms, silly charms meant to make you smile and cheer you up, while also pulling quite a prank. Remus would get a kick out of it. Rachel would be getting, from my owl to her, a new Ravenclaw scarf, since hers was about to fall apart, I swear, a sneakoscope, since she begged, and as a little joke between the two of us, an entire pad of muggle dinosaur stickers, those things with the sticky side that you put places. Long story.

By now everyone assumes that everything will be fine, I've got my home plans sorted, gifts worked out, assignments done... But no.

I haven't a damn clue what to get Sirius.

No. Damn. Idea.

It feels like everything's changed. When we were best friends, I could give him _socks_ and he'd be fine and dandy. Now I feel like I've got to get him some over-the-top amazing gift.

But what the bloody hell does that mean?

Ugh. Dating is hard. Finding gifts for the person you're dating is harder. Finding gifts for the person you're dating, who is also you're best friend, is the hardest. Finding a gift for Sirius is impossible.

And he bloody fancied me since _second year_! To think he's put in all the effort of actually fancying someone as completely crazy as me to finally be able to call me 'his' in sixth year, I should at least _try_ to get him something meaningful. Right? Oh, this is going to be a challenge. With my karma and complete lack of normalcy, that is...

I sigh and start banging my head on the table I'm sitting at in the library. I had gone up to do some studying with James for Transfiguration, the bloody bloke is amazing at it, and after he left I just gave up on my homework completely, worrying all over again. Clearly the library isn't the place to go to stop worrying.

I can sense Madam Pince giving me her best evil eye from over her librarian's counter, and I stop bruising my forehead, not wishing for her to rattle off at me in French. I look back at my Transfiguration essay and see that it's still half completed; as if it would magically finish itself. I wish. With another groan I pick up my quill, pull the book back over, and start again. "_Gamp's Law clearly states you cannot transfigure food because the properties..."_

"_Everything's perfect! What can you possibly be moaning about now, Prongs?" Sirius asks, clearly annoyed his friend isn't as thrilled as he is about the holidays._

"_Oh, just because you've got _your_ gift sorted out, doesn't mean I have! I've spent years going after Lily, mate, and I finally get to give her something she'll actually _accept_! But what the bleedin' hell is that?" James cries, messing up his already unruly hair._

_Sirius rolls his eyes. "Get her something that matters, that shows your true feelings and all that. You know she loves all that junk." He says simply. It wasn't that he didn't want to help his friend, but he was positively ecstatic about finding the perfect gift for Alex, after much searching and debating and questioning of his friends..._

_James sighs. "Yea, I know. Alright, well, what's that supposed to be? Maybe I can ask mum if she knows a good place for a necklace... Think Lily would like that?"_

_Sirius shrugs. "I'm not snogging her, I dunno what the girl likes and doesn't like for Christmas." He says, then backtracks at James's heavy glare. "Er, well, sure. I mean, she doesn't wear lots of jewelry and stuff, does she? Maybe she hasn't got anything worth wearing. But, keep in mind mate, it's got to mean something. Like I said." He offers with a wave of his hand._

_James wavers. "Yea, alright. But I don't think I've got the galleons for something _that_ special... But, what is it Moony keeps going on about? 'It's the thought that counts', or something? Ah, I dunno. Maybe I should ask him."_

_Sirius scoffs. "Oh, what? My advice is just rubbish then?"_

_James cracks a smile. "Eh, perhaps sometimes. Not all the time, Pads. I'll give you that." He says, shoving his best friend on the shoulder._

_Sirius grins. "That's more like it. Say, think Remus is as panicked about getting his girlfriend a gift as you are?" he asks, then realizes something. "Hey, James! Look at us! The three of us _finally_ have ourselves girls, and in time for Christmas! And I thought I'd never see the day..." he exclaims, seemingly bursting with happiness at this epiphany._

_Prongs shakes his head. "I know, someone must've hit Alex much too hard if she finally decided to get on with you."_

_Sirius gives him a hearty glare and whaps him upside the head as James keels over laughing at himself._

**Dear Alexandra,**

** I'm glad to hear school's going well, and that you've pulled up in Transfiguration. Have you been seeing James about that then? You know his brilliant at it, you complain about how unfair it is all the time when you write.**

**As for what I'd ever get a man for a gift, I think it depends on the situation, dear. Does this have anything to do with getting that Sirius boy a gift for Christmas?**

**And speaking of Sirius and Christmas, Alexandra, I'm quite alright wit you staying at Hogwarts, but I don't want **_**any**_** funny business, or notes from Dumbledore, especially with that boy. Alright?**

**But you have to get him something that matters. And possibly shiny, something pleasing to the eye. I didn't give your father metal tins for his garage for nothing.**

**Love always,**

**Mum xo**

Sigh. My mother isn't helpful at all. Sort of. Shiny... hm...

But her note about 'funny business' with Sirius made me shudder and, I'll admit it this time, blush profusely. She really thought I'd stoop so low. Not that Sirius isn't a...er, bad person, to... um, be with... but, it just isn't like me. I'm no prude, we've established this, but I'm no slag either. The very thought almost made me want to... bathe and clean myself, or...something. Bloody hell, mum...

Shiny. And meaningful. Okay. I can do that. I can do that.

Er, right?

**Mum,**

**Yes, it's for Sirius, but that... um, isn't enough information. I want him to like it and all, and be something that matters, but I don't know what that means. You know I'm no good at gifts, I always ask Aunt May for help, usually. Was it this hard for you and dad, before me?**

**Oh, and yes, James help me. When I need it though. I'm a mature girl now, mum.**

**Also, would you mind sending out some of that fudge you make for Aunt May and Uncle Davis? I've been having a sort of craving...**

**Love,**

**Alex xo**

**P.S. Mother! I'd never think of doing such... such scandalous (thank Lily for the word, I was having a momentary lapse at the very idea) things. At Christmastime! At **_**Hogwarts**_**! With **_**Sirius**_** no less!**

**No, mum, nothing to worry about.**

...mothers...

xXx

Can I give Sirius fudge for Christmas?

Sure it isn't shiny or 'oh-so-meaningful', but 'the way to a man's heart is through his stomach' right?

And this fudge is bloody _delicious_. I may ask for more.

But I suppose I can't. Give fudge to him for Christmas, I mean.

Because I just _know_ that he's a damn genius and has a damn wonderful, amazing, totally brilliant gift for me, and I just cannot match... _that_ with delicious fudge.

Sadly.

Humph.

Clearly Runes if boring me, or I'd be concentrating on the lesson.

Instead I'm slightly panicking about this whole damn gift issue.

Ugh, what is my pathetic life? Why can't it all be so... so _fucking simple_? Not that I don't love Sirius, I do, quite a bit more than I'd intended, mind, but I wish that I really _could_ give him socks or fudge for Christmas and everything would be just so bloody lovely and fine. I wish I wouldn't need to get him some fancy thing to show him how much I love him. Course, it shouldn't matter what it is, right? 'It's the thought that counts' and all that rubbish.

My eyes strain to pay attention to the lesson, but there's no way my brain is letting me process all this. I don't even think the lesson's that complicated. But I can't seem to focus at all. Oh well. I can ask for notes from Remus or someone later, thought I think he already had it today... He can be my first choice.

xXx

I've got it.

I've got it!

I've! Got! It!

Holy shit, holy buggering shit, it's _perfect!_. Fool proof! Genius! Worthy of Rachel!

I think she'd be impressed and possibly proud I thought it up all on my own.

But I can't tell anyone about it. Not yet. Not until I ma- until he gets it. Yea. Surprises. Let's keep it a surprise to everyone, yea? Yea. I like that plan.

Perhaps I could tell Rachel.. I dunno, I probably should. It seems that free time has been scarce and I don't to be pushing away any of my friends by being with Sirius. Friends come before boyfriends. As does family, but that's a non-issue at the moment...

"Marqcues!

"Bugger.

"Erm, yes sir?"  
"That's the 3rd time I've called your name. Now, answer my question."  
Fuck.

I quickly scan the room, looking at the faces of my fellow students, as if they'd tell me the question, or better yet, the answer. I glance at my notes as well, even though I know there's nothing there that would help me now.

"I-I don't know. I'm sorry, sir." I mumbled out, folding my hands and pursing my lips.

"Detention, Marqcues. Tonight, my office, 9 pm. Don't be late." I'm told, though it was more of a snap, and bitter, before moving along away from me.

I close my eyes a moment, sighing softly, and trying not to shake my head, knowing I might get detention for that too.

Harumph.

* * *

To be continued, when I get the chance to write more. :P

Once again, thank you so much guys for hanging in with me. I know it's been so long, but I've really been gone so much this summer.

Much love.

xo ~DA


	18. Chapter 17 Part 2

**Chapter 18: The Issues That Come With Having a Relationship Part 2**

**A/N: I know it's been a while, and I know you're probably angry for having me split the chapter and then making you all wait for part 2, but it had to be done, or nothing would've happened for months. ...More months than now. But, here's a chapter, the second part, and guess what's next? Christmas time! **

**So, read on, let me know what you think, and enjoy.**

**Oh, and I don't own any characters except Alex and the plot. Everything else is the flawless J.K. Rowling's.**

* * *

Never liked Detention, didn't get it often, but when I do, I always hate it. Usually because I'm forced to do whatever-my-detention-happens-to-be with an idiot. A really big idiot. Or a very slaggish girl. And, well, I'm not, or an idiot, or a very slaggish girl. Hm. It never really goes well.

I trudge back to me Runes class at 9 pm, wondering what horrible torture I'll have to endure tonight. Probably cleaning. Without magic, naturally. Ack.

"Oi, Marqcues! Didn't know _you_ were such a trouble maker, yea?"

Ah, speaking of sluggish girls...

"Hello, Marlene. Of course I am, how'd you not know?" I say, though I should be so mean.

Marlene Mckinnon isn't _so_ bad. She's actually one of those bubbly barbies who isn't so... stupid. Yes, she's a giggly, hair-twirling, forever-flirting, 6th year Gryffindor, though I don't see her too often, hence why I don't think about her so much, but she's decently smart, actually quite fun, and can hold a decent conversation. In all, I could handle her and detention.

She laughs and shakes her head. "I dunno, guess it slipped my mind." She says. "So, Alex, what're you in for?"

I sigh. "Not paying attention, not knowing the answer. The usual. You?"

Marlene nods sympathetically, and then says, "I was talking during class. Got caught trying to cast a silencing charm on the professor. It... didn't go as planned." She says with a shrug.

After a moment we hear more footsteps and our professor comes into view, unlocking the door and ushering us inside.

"Alright, you'll be cleaning the boards, vases, and windows. Supplies are in the cupboards. Wands please."

Marlene and I nod curtly and hand over our wands, with some reluctance, and walked over to the supplies. "Now, I'll be in my office to the left. When you are done, you will let me review your work, and then I will return your wands. Mr. Snape will be joining you in a moment."

I stop, about to grab the bottle of window cleaner and a rag. I turn slightly "Snape, sir?"

"Yes, Miss Marqcues. He informed me that he would be late."  
I didn't know you were allowed to be late for detention... What reason did he have?

"But, why does he have detention?"

"Alex, why does it matter?" Marlene hissed to me, getting her own supplies to clean the boards with, but I ignore her.

"That is none of your concern, Marqcues. He will be her in a moment." My professor snaps curtly, and then walks briskly to his office and out of sight.

Bloody fucking hell. Really? Snape never really had been... important? In my life until now. Sure, he was a pain in the arse, but that was never a cause for concern. Unless you really crossed him...

But ever since he'd warned me, told me not to change, I'd been very... dodgy. I'd duck out of corridors, hide in empty classrooms, run to the library, if I'd ever have a possible encounter with him. Herbology was tough. If needed, I'd pair up with whoever I could so as to not be with him.

Now I couldn't avoid it. He had detention just like Marlene and I. Oh, Marlene. Yea.

"Alex! What the bloody hell's gotten into you? Why do you care about Snape?" she says, standing in front of me, confused and possibly slightly irritated. Heh.

"I don't! I don't care! I just... you know, he could pull someone on us." I say quickly, shaking my head.

She sighs and goes back to her boards as I take down my cleaner and rag. "Well, you're acting very strange-"

The door opens and in saunters Severus Snape. For a moment I feel that same remorse I felt when we talked about Lily.

He didn't look at me, or Marlene, who was ignoring him as well, and went straight to the office, turning over his wand and having a murmured conversation I can't overhear. Then he returns and picks up the duster, going for the vases.

I stare at his back, trying to think of something to say, but also biting my tongue to hold it back.

I turned away, there wasn't anything to say. He'd been a prat, a gut, and done something foolish, and he felt horrible about. I couldn't change that, no matter how hard I tried, if I want to. Bet, then why bother to warn me? Snape I were never... mates, or anything. We'd hex each other in the corridor, that's far from mates, so I just don't see what twisted motives he's got for trying to... help me? Is that was this is? Especially if the rumors flying around are true, that Snape wants to be a Death Eater, that he's already in this... cult, for wannabe death eaters, Slytherin only. It's very 'un-death eater' to warn someone. And, after all, it was _nice_. Don't get me wrong, I love Sirius, and all the marauders are some of my best mates, I'm not going to turn on them. But, Snape does care for Lily... they were apparently good friends before Hogwarts, Lily doesn't tell me much anymore, it's a sensitive topic I understand, and were quite good friends for a few years at Hogwarts too, before he... well, he severed their friendship. That's when I, and James and everyone else, came along. I don't think he just dropped her, despite him being a slick git at times. He made a mistake and Lily can't forgive him for it, I understand that. But Snape isn't heartless. And he's seen Lily grown up, getting closer with the marauders, fancying James, dating James. Must've been a lot to take in. perhaps, through me, because of whatever he's seen with Lily, he wants to make it up, to redeem himself, by warning me. Stopping it before it starts.

Maybe I shouldn't want to hex Snape every time I see him.

I pick up my bottle of window cleaner and rag again and go over to the next window, near Marlene, though I don't feel so chatty anymore, or excited about my idea for Sirius. I feel more... sullen.

I douse the window to the best of my ability and began wiping away the dust and grime. Ack, these obviously haven't been cleaned in a while... Sigh.

"So, Alex, I'm sure you' gotten this loads of times, but _I _want all the juicy details. You're snogging Sirius Black in your free time, yea?" Marlene chimes in, grinning and wiggling her eyebrows at me.

I smile weakly and shift my position. "Well, I guess you could say that." I say, leaving it at that. I know she'll ask even more question, though I hope they could be more... specific. Easier to answer. I guess.

Marlene doesn't skip a beat. "I will say that. So, I heard all about you leading your little escapade at the ball. Which I must say was fantastic, no one had a clue, you were brilliant, what about Sirius? I mean, you two are best mates! How'd you come across _him_ out there? Out of everyone, no less."

Er, not as specific or easy to answer as I was looking for. But, perhaps I could dumb it down? I'm not in the mood.

"Um, well... he was just... he was sort of looking at me a lot, I guess, and, one of my mates and I wanted to, er, find someone, at the bball. Since there we no dates, really. But he had been dancing with someone else, red hair and a green dress—" I said, somewhat bitterly, when Marlene broke in.

"Like Christmas! Oh, what a toss..." she says, rolling her eyes, then smiling.

"—Oh she was, please—but, well see, I didn't know it was, so you'll have to understand that, it's important. I mean, if I knew it was him it probably wouldn't have happened... Anyways, I had my back to him, so I'm not entirely sure what happened, but I think he... I think he left that Christmas girl to, erm, dance with me. But I don't know for sure." I say, fumbling about on my words, twisting my rag in my fingers, and rushing out most of it.

Marlene's face goes from a small 'o' shape to a wide, giggly, girly, grin.

"Oh my _word_. That's so adorable! He's amazing. I'm telling you, he ditched the walking-dancing-slaggy Christmas to be with you. The wise move, I think, but it's not like I saw her. But you two danced! Which song? What kind of dancing? What did you two crazy kids talk about?" she asks quickly, pausing a moment to gasp loudly, as if she thought of something even more important. Her eyes widen and her voice lowers slightly. "_Did you two snog?_"

I'm pretty sure I look overwhelmed, but I manage to swallow the feeling and open my mouth. But, I'm not a bragger. If I won eternal glory, or something, I don't think I'd do anything about it. If someone asked I'd probably say something like 'Oh, it's nothing, really'. The standard response. I really hate talking about myself. So answering these might not come up to Marlene's expectations, her and her gossiping. Though... is it bad I don't like how she called him amazing. It has to be nothing.

"I, um, I've no idea what song. I wasn't really listening, it was just a...dance. You know, slow and stuff-" Stuff? Wow, creative, Alex. "-We, er, talked about lots of things. School and... classes. The ball itself. What, ahem, what we were... wearing, and doing, and all... nothing major." I say with a shrug, turning back to my windows, pointedly ignoring her last exclamation.

But apparently her exclamation was important her, for she whirled me around and grabbed my shoulders. "Did you _snog_? Like, _before_ you knew it was him?"

"I-I... um... yes..." get out in a mumble, wondering why it matted to her so much. I catch a glance of Snape scowling at his work, cringing now and again. I know he cares less about my snogging endeavors. "Let's talk about something else-" I try to say, waving off the conversation, but the look on Marlene's face tells me doesn't want to drop it.

"No! C'mon, Alex. Every girl wants to brag about a great snog. Now spill. Is he as good as everyone says? I hear he's got _lots_ of very extensive talent and... experience." She says, giggling and wriggling her eyebrows.

But it sets me on edge, her words. I knew about what Sirius had been up to before he'd been dating me, and knowing didn't really seem to bother me much. But the way she said it, 'talent' and, dear Merlin, '_experience_', made me want to just... punch her. And I've almost never resulted to muggle violence.

"I don't boast about things, Marlene. And we didn't go about discussing what _experience _he's had. I'd like to leave it at that. Thank you." I say coldly, keeping my temper under control and turning back to my window sharply.

Marlene doesn't say anything else, but I can almost feel the tension now. I almost wish I could argue with Snape, just to get this anger off my chest. I shouldn't let it bother me, I don't honestly know why it does. It's just... something that happened, and now it's over, right? Right, why do I worry.

...Because it pisses me off when people start talking about his bloody fucking _fantastic_ skills he has about... about whatever the fuck he had done with them, _before_ me, may I add, to my face! That's why! And...and... didn't he say he fancied me since bloody _second_ year? Shouldn't that mean he doesn't date anyone because he was just _so_ in love me? Fuck!

I'm about to break the glass, or so I think, with all this rage, so I ease up, clenching my teeth and my fists, and move to my next window, Snape not far from my range anymore.

Why would he go about doing... that, with other girls, _probably_ knowing that _something_ would be said about it, when he fancied me? Didn't he... wouldn't you feel something, if you fancied someone else, while you were with someone completely different? I would, I think... like I said, I haven't fancied a while lot of blokes, but I think I would. I have a lot of feelings, bottled up generally. So _did_ he fancy me, or did he just—No. I can't think about that. Sirius just likes attention. Popularity. He's a marauder for fuck's sake. I can't associate his wanting attention to his apparent like of me. I just can't. I'll come to the wrong conclusion, as I usually do, and I might've already done.

I can't just be a piece of his popularity game. I can't. We've been mates for so long, I just don't think... with me, I mean... he's my best mate...

My cleaning falters, but I only notice when he speaks to me.

"Marqcues, er, you... something bothering you?"

I never thought him to be the one to ask those kinds of questions. 'Are you alright?', 'what's wrong?'/ He never seemed the type.

I stop and turn around. Marlene is at the other side of the room, out of ear shot, and Snape is close, to my left, cleaning off a case on a lone table. I turn back to him.

"I, um, I'm fine, Sn—Severus." I managed out, my voice sill low. The room is quite empty. I'd hate for my words, if something should slip, to carry.

He studies me. "I don't think so. Don't lie to me."

I'm startled by how serious, strong, and effective his voice is.

"I was only thinking about... about what I plan to give Sirius for Christmas holiday." I say, though of course it's a lie. I fiddle with my cloth.

"With that much pressure on the window a few moments ago, I beg to differ. I said don't lie to me."

"Why do you care?" I snap, the rage rising again.

He doesn't seem fazed by my sudden judgment. "I never said I did. You just seem like you need to let off some steam You're not the only one with problems out there, Alex." He says to me, emotionless.

I swallow and no. But, I don't ask what he means. He must have something going on as well. "Sirius..." I start, but falter. Besides, I'm sure he could understand with just his name anyways. He probably heard.

He pursues his lips in a straight, thin line, and nods curtly. "I...see..." he mutters, more to himself than to me. His eyes narrow and he studies me a moment. I wonder if he's looking for changes.

"I'm done with my cases. Give me your rag." He says, somewhat stiffly, and holds out his hand.

"There's only one window-"

"Alex." He cuts me off, his eyes hard. "Give me the rag."

I don't protest any more, and hand it over.

He nods and takes it, starting to walk past me to the last tall window. He stops, as if he were going to turn around and say more, but simply sighs and continues on.

My detention has been served.

xXx

I couldn't sleep. It's perhaps 3 am and I'm curled up on the couch in the common room, blanket around me, fire going.

I feel like I need to do something about this, any of this, _all_ of this. But, really, what was there to do? It's not as if I could just saunter up to Sirius and say 'Hey, mind going back in the past and completely changing your past? It's bothering me. Much thanks.' I don't think that would go over well. And, I never seemed to think about it, I always thought I was rather easy-going, though perhaps I am in other situations, but perhaps I'm quite fickle, when it comes to Sirius anyways. I'm really not a controlling person, 'in charge' isn't really a title I look forward to getting, and I really wonder if I'm starting to feel 'controlling' in this relationship. I can't do that, I don't really have a reason to be, and honestly it's bloody annoying anyways. Why and I worried anyways? What's wrong with me?

"Alex? What're you doing up so late?"

I swiveled my head to the portrait hole and in walks the man of the house, shirt off and slung over his back, sweat on his brow and on his chiseled chest.

"I couldn't sleep." I mumbled softly, scooting over on the couch as he walks over to me, sitting beside me and easily slinging his arm around my shoulders. I lean into his chest as always. I would've asked what he'd been up to, but with the scent of wet dog looming around him, I can guess what. Though, why I wonder?

"Neither could I. What's keeping you up?" Sirius asks, turning his head to look down at me, those marvelous grey eyes brimming with curiosity and a hint of something else.

"Erm, just something Marlene said in detention." I say with a soft shrug, and he smiles.

"Ah, that's right. You'd turned into a naughty girl, not paying attention in class. No doubt thinking about your dashing boyfriend..." he says with a charming grin.

I roll my eyes but smirk. "Yea, Andrew DeRae's quite the catch, yea?" I joke as he chuckled, shoving me sideways.

"You better hope you're joking Alex, or we're going to have a serious issue." Sirius says, joking, but I can hear the real warning in his voice, as if, had I been telling the truth, and not saying 'Andrew' just for a laugh, that something really would've happened. But I could never do that, he'd be crushed. Nothing would be the same if I had been serious about that. I've never seen him very genuinely upset, perhaps very angry, or annoyed, or maybe unhappy, but to be so truly upset if I did that, I don't think _I _could handle.

"What was Marlene saying? She's not so bad Alex." He says, the laughter in his face subsiding as he changes the subject back.

"You seem to think any person in a skit 'is not so bad'." I mumble, though I sort of wish I hadn't as he heard and cleared his throat.

"I think Bellatrix Black is pretty bad. And she wears a skirt-"

"Oh, she's your cousin! That's not what I meant, Sirius." I interrupt.

"I know it wasn't, I was joking." Sirius says quietly and I shush up. "What did Marlene say, Alex? It's... important."

"Why?"

"Because."

"That's not a reason, Sirius."

"Because maybe it'll explain why you're suddenly conscious of my previous preference in girls; which includes you, lest we forget." He bites out, then sighs.

My lips purse and I not stiffly, slowly. I try to blame Marlene, because it really _is_ her fault that I'm bitter, and turned for that matter. But I can't hide anything from Sirius, even before we were a couple, keeping things from your best mate is hard work. Harder than Transfiguration, and that's saying something...

"She was only saying how.. well we were talking about the ball, and the whole, erm, story of... ahem, us, and she was just asking about... a lot of things I'd like to keep between us. And she was saying this, asking if you were a good snog, and how you, ah, had... lots of experience, so you must be fantastic." I ended with a mumbled, hearing my voice dropping lower considerably from the beginning to end.

I can feel Sirius clench and unclench his hand over my shoulder several times, and he rolls his lips together. He does that when he's really thinking, deep in thought.

"And that... bothered you?" he asked, his voice low and questioning, his eyebrows knitting.

Now I pursed my lips and nodded slowly.

"Why?"

My eyes flicked to his face, but he wasn't looking at me, he was staring into the fire, his eyes hard and his face very telling that he was thinking, processing, putting the pieces together. "Well it... I don't know. It didn't before, I don't know why it really should now. It just... didn't feel right."

"Before what? Before we got together?" he asked, then I nodded. "Well, that's logical isn't it? We were only friends, it didn't matter who I snogged or didn't. But it bothers you, when you're with someone, because you don't want to hear about their previous affiliations before you come into the picture. You want to focus on the now, and that _you_ are with them now, not anyone else. Hearing about their past romances could make you jealous, or envious, or just angry. You don't care. It's you that matters now, not them. It's logical."

Most people think Sirius is just a marauder; doing whatever he wants, skiving by in classes, probably bribing in some way, since they all think he's just an idiot in everything, besides maybe Defense. But he's a genius when he wants to be. I don't think I've heard a more better explanation, for anything. I was surprised, though perhaps I shouldn't have been, at his answer. It really did seem to make me feel as if it were all nothing, as if it didn't matter in the least. But I couldn't seem to drop it. I don't let go so easily.

"Yea, but it's different with you. I mean, I know it's not my friends, but you've really.. gotten around. And hearing about 'how _awful_ it is that a bloke with such _talent_ with his hands, and his mouth, and his _everything_ has to be tied down by a real _girlfriend_." I say, adding heavy sarcasm, pouting, and imitation of those girls as I spoke, but I know I sounded bitter, very bitter. "I don't want to be asked if you're just as bloody fantastic as everyone says, or if I've gone as far as other... bloody, sluggish girls have with you, or if we're serious together, or if you really love me, not just... using me as a fling like everyone else." My voice had turned unhappy, sullen, and quiet, though still crisp, each word clear as a bell in the empty air of the common room, the fire still crackling in front of me as I stare in it.

We were both silent for what seemed like hours, my words just hanging there in midair as he seemed to take it all in. I wondered what he must be thinking, if he was angry with me, for even thinking those things, especially the last one. But it'd been prickling at the back of my head ever since he told me he loved me. I know I said I understood why he didn't tell me before, but then again... he is widely known across all houses but the... female population. Who's to say he didn't just like what I grew up to be and thought I'd be a great girl on his list of slags? ...That was rude. Horrible. Even if that was true, Sirius has been my closest mate, save Rachel, and I can't be rude to my mates like that. And, really, I don't think I turned out so 'stunning' or anything. Yea, I suppose I'm 'pretty' on occasion, but I'm not beautiful. By a long shot. No matter what my mates tell me. And I can only assume the worst sometimes, especially with blokes. I think they might fancy me out of pity, or for just a fling, and I thought this about Sirius. It almost hurts, knowing I thought that, but with me, I couldn't help it.

"Alex, listen to me." Sirius says softly, but firmly. I turn to look at him, and he puts his hands on my shoulders, making my body turn, completely facing him. "I want you to promise me not to listen to what anyone says. About me, or you, or us, or James or Remus, or the like. I wouldn't bet it being on face." He stars. "Promise me." He repeats, his hands tightening slightly. I nod. "I promise." I murmur softly. He nods as well. "Good. And I also want you to ignore what anyone asks about us. Everyone has their past, and past... romances. I may, we, have more than others, but that doesn't make me any more likely to leave you than a bloke who hasn't ever had a girlfriend. I love you, Alex. I do. More than anyone, or anything. And you have to believe that."

He pursues his lips and rolls them, not taking his eyes off me for a moment. I nod again, slowly, then bow my head, wriggling out of his hands just so I can curl up next to him closely. I sigh, finally starting to feel tired, and bend up to peck his lips.

"I know that. 'I love you' doesn't seem to begin to explain my feelings for you, Sirius."

He chuckles and wraps his arms around me, holding me close. "You and me both, love."


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Well it's this long overdue? I know, I know, you probably all hate me for making you wait so long to figure out what her gift to him is, but, heh, see, I'm a troll, so, you still don't get to know until next chapter. (Hey at least I tell you now, so when you read you aren't looking for it, right?)**

**But anyways, I really crammed to write this, finals are next week so, ahh.**

**ANYWAYS. Here it is, Christmas Part 1! Part 2 coming soon, and I don't own Harry Potter, I just own Alex. (SHE'S MINE. BWHAHA)**

* * *

**Chapter 19: Ho Ho Ho and a Bottle of Firewhiskey Part 1**

I remember, back when I was maybe 10, I was trying to tell my mother that Christmas had its own feeling. It's not _just_ happy, or _just_ jolly, or _just_ exciting. It's Christmas. You feel Christmas, you just do, you can't describe it other than that. Really, I've tried. I doubt it's humanly possible.

But, as always said, Christmas is in the air; Hagrid's brought the giant tree up into the Great Hall, Professor Flitwick has decorated it with all sort of ornaments it snows lightly outside with everything coated in a soft white blanket, fire places are always on and burning bright and warm. Everyone's in a jolly mood of sorts, and there has been _plenty_ of mistletoe around. I don't think it'd be that hard to say more couples form around Christmastime, probably for the things I mentioned already. Though I guess they can't be blamed, since those single people go about seeing all the other happy couples snogging in the corridors. And really, it's nice, to have someone at Christmas. More than usual, Sirius has been spending time with me, just the two of us. Not that we aren't spending time with all our other mates, but it almost feels like we've got more time to spend with each other.

I'm going to be honest here, point blank, it's _fantastic_. Plenty of time with Sirius, and the feeling of the holiday, no classes to worry about, is almost too much, but it leaves me feeling brilliantly happy. Though my lips are constantly getting more and more chapped as I hand about with Sirius... from the cold. Because, you know, the cold makes your lips, ah, chapped. Yea, that's it. What's what I'll tell mother if she asks... That's a good plan...

Er, um, anyways... Back to the 'fantastic Christmas' part.

I've decided to visit Rachel today in the Great Hall. She'd leave tomorrow with the rest of the crowd going home for the holiday, and we thought it best to meet up one last time and all. So, that's where I'm heading now.

With a grand flourish I enter the Great Hall, seeing Rachel already there sitting down at the Ravenclaw table, writing on some parchment. I smile and stalk over to her, sitting down and gesturing to the parchment.

"Last minute homework, I see?" I ease, reaching for an empty goblet and filling it with pumpkin juice. She shakes her head.

"Christmas letter."

"To whom?"

"...someone."

I raise an eyebrow and peer at the handwritten letter, which is, actually, surprisingly long and seemingly detailed. I look up at her see her avoiding my eyes, and her cheeks are red. She shakes her hair back into her face.

"Rachel...? Who's it for?"

"Just someone."

"Oh, come on, mates are supposed to—"

"It's for Remus!"

She all but shouted at me, sounding somewhat frantic, embarrassed and…excited? You know when something utterly embarrassing happens and you hate telling everyone, but you're dying to tell your best friend? I think that's what's going on.

"I-It's a Christmas letter…for Remus. I was hoping to finish it sooner, and ask James to, um, put it with his present from me, but I hadn't. So, I thought, since I'd be seeing you, I'd give it to you, but I _still_ hadn't finished… I hadn't planned for anyone but Remus to really read it…but, um, you…"

"I don't need to read it, Rachel. It's for his eyes not mine." I cut in, but I couldn't hide a 'that's so adorable!' smile.

She looked almost grateful as I said that, but she was still blushing. "Thanks. It's well I suppose it's sappy, but I heard he wrote me something, and I didn't want to just give him a charmed journal so – Oh."

Her facial expression changes from flustered, to shock, to almost fear. But I grin and open my mouth. But she's quicker than I am.

"Please don't say anything! I didn't want to tell anyone and it was so hard not telling you weeks ago but I—"

"Weeks? Why wouldn't you tell me? How's it charmed? Why's it charmed?" I berate her with questions and she groans.

"_This_ is why I didn't. Because you'd bother me for ages about it!" she moaned.

I scoff." Yea, well, it's because it sounds utterly amazing and I'm your best mate! Now, spill."

She sighs and groans, but doesn't seem to protest as she sets down her quill and pulls out a journal from her bag.

"I'm giving Remus an identical one of these. It's charmed so that when he or I write something in it; it shows up on both pages. So we can talk over Holiday faster than by owl." She explains, chewing her lip as she waits for me to say something.

"So... if you wrote 'hello' in that, on the first page, it'd stay on that page, but also... sort of bleed onto _his_ first page? Like they're connected?" I ask, sounding amazing and awed, but possibly confused.

Rachel nods. "It took me a while, to get the charm right, and to talk as long as possible, which is... forever, but I thought it'd be meaningful, I suppose. And, he'd like it..." she shrugged, but smiled as she explained it.

"That's great. He'll love it. It's something you would do for a gist, Rachel. It sounds brilliant." I say, smiling as she looks thrilled that I hadn't thought it was rubbish. But how could I? _I'd_ like a journal like that. Though I'd probably only want to 'share' the other with Rachel or Sirius...

"Well, I'm glad you like it, Alex. I was a bit afraid even _he_ wouldn't like it, but I mean if you like it..." she says, sort of chopping off her sentence.

I sigh. He'll love it, okay? Don't worry about it." I say, and she smiles.

"Oh, what about you?"

"...what about me?" I ask with a questioning look.

"What're you getting Sirius?"

"Er, heh, um..." I mumble.

"You haven't got him anything?"

"No! I... Well I didn't _get_ him anything, but I'm, um, I'm making it..."

She gives me an odd look. "You're making it? What are you making?" she asks, and I can tell she's trying to think of all the possible things I could make for a gift, for Sirius.

"It's sort of a surprise—"

"But I want be there! I won't know until after holiday! Tell me."

It's odd, how one moment she's annoyed or just upset about how I won't tell her, and then she gets hostile, staring me down like she's using some sort of force to make me tell her. Sheesh...

"I... It's a sur—"

"I told you what I'm giving Remus, and I thought I wouldn't tell you, or anyone. Please?"

I groan and sigh. "Fine. But you have to _swear_ not to tell anyone. It's not done yet, okay?"

She looks gleeful and nods. "Yea, yea sure. My lips are sealed. Now, what is it?"

xXx

"...should do it!"

"Me? No way!

"We need Sirius—"

"He can't get in here!"

"Yea, so take her _down_ th—"

"Shut it! You're waking her!"

"No I'm not, you all are!"

"Oh, honestly, Lily, just wake her, she won't be mad. It's _Christmas_!"

Oh look, I'm half asleep and I can hear people talking about me.

...When has this happened before? I almost want to wake up just so they can know I heard them plotting. But it is Christmas, and they do sound excited about rousing me, for whatever reason, so I remain still and don't wake. Though I do smile, just a bit.

"...together then, alright?"

"Yea, ready?"

"One, two... THREE!"

I thought perhaps they'd just shout at me to wake up, yell 'merry Christmas!' or something. But no. Instead I get a big hearty shove off my bed and onto the cold floor. Let's not forget I was _shoved_, which is, you know, painful.

With a very attractive 'ARGH!' I hit the floor with a thud and a groan as the rest of my lovely roommates laugh, and I think maybe clap.

"You're all horrible people." I mutter.

"Well Happy Christmas to you too, Alex." Lily says as she walks over to me, still slumped on the floor because I don't feel like moving. "C'mon Alex." she says, nudging me and smiling. "It's Christmas! Be thrilled."

"You shoved me onto the floor!"

"Yea, but it was all in fun."

"It's fun until someone gets hurt." Like me.

"All's fair in love and war."

"But this isn't love or war!"

"But Sirius loves you."

"Well /he/ didn't shove me out of bed." I grumble as I stand up, brushing off my clothes and stretching.

"Well you weren't sleeping with him." Lily says stubbornly, and I raise my eyebrows.

"But that's good thing isn't it?"

The rest of the dorm giggles and Lily sighs exasperated. I grin. "Oh, Alex I didn't mean it like that!" she storms out and I laugh.

"I love you too Lily! Happy Christmas!" I shout at her before going to change. I always bring sweats for the holidays, if I stay, and this time I brought extra comfy ones. I don't care who's going to be down in the common room, I'm not dolling myself up for any of my horrible mates... Even Sirius. If he loves me, he doesn't need me in makeup, yea?

I change into said sweats and not bother with anything else. Bed-hair be damned. Slippers on and sweats bundled around me I head downstairs, feeling actually more excited by the moment.

Not a moment before I even step into the common room, I'm attacked again. Why do I hang out with these so-called 'mates' of mine? They are so bloody awful. Honestly, rocks would make better mates. I need some rock mates...

"Mistletoe!"

I don't even have a chance to let out a complete groan, it was more like a half groan half muffle, before I get forcibly shoved, again may I add, by my rotten mates, into Sirius. And Sirius is a pretty sturdy guy. I would not recommend being forcibly shoved into him, it's not exactly... 'cushy'.

"Ah, is this is what I get for Christmas?" Sirius grins, wrapping his arms around me as the mistletoe above our heads seems to grow.

I whack his arm and he chuckles. "What? I think you're a fantastic Christmas gift." he says before winking at me. "Do you come with any special positions?" he asks, hopefully joking, and wags his eyebrows at me.

"Oh, don't be such a pig, Sir-"

He didn't even let me finish my sentence before he started snogging me furiously. How rude. But, well, it's not like I'm about to complain or anything...

I wrap my arms around his neck and decide that calling him a 'pig' isn't so important after all. I can hear the 'oooh's and the whoops of the rest of my mates, again, 'so-called mates', and this time my cheeks don't burn the color of a thousand suns as I feel Sirius chuckle against my lips.

But his chuckle was, um, unwanted, let's say, and so I just /had/ to snog him harder. Because I had to get him to shut up, since, uh, chuckling while snogging someone on Christmas is just... Not allowed. So really, I was doing it to save him. Yea, heh...

"Oh ho! _Someone's_ getting into the Christmas spirit!" I hear James holler at us and I couldn't resist a smile.

I hear a thwack and James only laughs harder. "What?"

With a sigh and, well, at least I assume, an eye roll, I hear Remus say "You will never leave him alone will you, Prongs?"

"Nope. Nut until the day I die." He replies without an ounce of hesitation.

This is when Sirius decides to jump in and, oddly, there's sort of a suction noise, as he surfaces from my face, and he turns to James. "Oh, shut it. You know you're only jealous because you didn't step under the mistletoe with Evans first."

A surrounding 'ooohh' sounds around the room and James just seems to chuckle it off, but as Sirius raises an eyebrow at him, James rolls his eyes. "Oh, don't be a prat on Christmas, Padfoot." He says, shaking his head, then he eyes Remus and grins. "At least, if you're going to pick on someone, pick on poor Moony. He can't snog his own bird until the end of Holiday. Shame, that..."

Remus rolls his eyes as the room snickers. "Prongs, snogging on Christmas isn't the only thing to look forward to. Besides, I prefer it this way."

James scoffs. "Well she must've left you with something extra special then if you don't want her here."

Now I'm curious. At first I'm almost wary. Why would Remus _not_ want Rachel here? _I_ want Rachel here, she's my best mate. The only one that doesn't make me want rocks for maters. But, then I wonder, maybe he's already gotten, unwrapped, or whatever, the charmed journal. Maybe he just prefers have thin journal, which is more understandable. I'll admit maybe it wasn't the best choice of words, making it sound like he doesn't want her here, but at least I might understand that he just likes the journal and would rather have more private conversations. Besides, it's not like she could be up here anyways, he'd have to wait until we decided to leave the tower before he'd get to her.

"I got her gift early-" Well there we go then. "- and I rather like it, alright? It doesn't concern you." He said smugly, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his rather festive red-and-green pants, shooting me a look. Maybe he knows what she'd gotten him?

"What is it?" Sirius asks, wagging his eyebrows suggestively as he re-wraps his arms around my waist. Bother... he's such a bloke; can't he think that girls get their boyfriends something normal, something... not what he's implying?

Remus smiles. "That, my dear Pads, is none of your bloody business."

"And why not? I think if we open our presents, we aren't going to open them in separate rooms."

"Well I already opened mine from Rachel, so too late for you."

"But that's not fair!"

"Life's not fair."

"Remus, I swear, you can find a way to ruin Christmas."

"By not telling you what I got for Christmas from my girlfriend?"

"Yes, you old grouch."

"Well fine then. Ba-humbug."

Sirius sighs exasperated. "Fine. Then let's open the rest of the gifts and not tell Moony."

With an eye roll and a sigh, I extract myself. "Don't be a grump, Sirius. Just because Remus doesn't feel up to sharing- it could be personal after all- doesn't mean he's _ruining_ Christmas, nutter..."

Sirius blinks at me, then scoffs and crosses his arms. "Well, we're all best mates, why wouldn't he share?"

"Because mates don't always have to be so kind." I say, shooting Lily a look. 'They can shove you right out of bed', I think, even in a muttering tone too.

She rolls her own eyes, we're clearly doing that a lot aren't we, and goes over to the stacks of presents, picking out a red and green back with some sort of sparkly maroon tissue, then walks over to me. She stuffs the bag in my hands. "Go on, open it."

I eye her carefully and take the bag, sitting on the arm of the couch before peering inside, taking out the paper.

I gasp and fling myself at Lily, hugging her tightly. "Oh, you are the _best _person_ ever_, Lily Evans! How did I ever hate you?"

She smirks and hugs me. "I know I am." She says.

"I am truly in your debt, my dear sweet mate Lily."

"Alright, alright, I think that's enough sucking up for today." She says with a smile. Maybe I don't need to replace her with a rock. At least for now.

"What the bloody hell d'you get her, Evans?" Sirius pipes in, looking at her with a bemused expression.

"Jealous your girl loves me more than you on Christmas, Black?"

"Oh, she does not!" he quickly reaches out and grabs my waist, though it's more like my pinching my lower back, causing me to tumble off the couch arm, making a strange 'm-eep!' sound. But he clearly hadn't notices as he powered on. "I was merely curious what you'd gotten her." He huffed, gripping me tightly."

"If you stop squeezing me to death, _I _can tell you, you dillop." I say to him, giving him a stern look.

James and Remus both look away, holding back smiles and laughs, trying to cover their mouths. I didn't think 'dillop' was so funny, but soon James starts roaring with laughter. Sirius glared at him and James shook his head.

"Your own girl, mate! Calling you a name, on Christmas!" he laughs out. "Oh, clearly the snogging spirit has worn off."

"Shut it, Prongs." He mutters, turning back to me and my now crossed arms. He sighed and let go of me. "Just... what'd you get?" he asks, somewhat deflated.

I uncross my arms and peck his cheek. "Lily gave me a big bag of these muggles candies called m'n'm's and she's the only person who gets those."

He softens, then purses his lips. "She got you a bunch of sweets and suddenly you love her more than me?"

Oh, bugger... blokes, honestly. I hold up one finger. "One. You should know after all these years that I have a thing for sweets, especially after... this many years." I emphasize, giving him a knowing look. I hold another finger up. "Two. I never said I loved her more than you. It's a different kind of love. Okay?"

Sirius seems to think about that, and then nods. "Yea, alright... But you're opening my gift last."

"Last?" I ask, thinking he'd want it be opened next.

"Yea, last. Save the best for the end, and all that, right?" he grins.

I bite my lip and squint at him. "And you do I know yours'll be the best?"

He scoffs. "You doubt my gift? That hurts, love." He says, putting a hand on his chest where his heart is.

With a much expected and much repeated eye roll, I sigh. "Alright, fine then. I'll open yours last. If you open mine last. Deal?"

He grins and nods. "Deal. Now," he claps his hands together, "who's to open next?"

"Oi, Pads! Catch!"

James hurls a package the size of a quaffle over my head, only because I managed to duck in time, at Sirius. Clearly we know who's going first...

Much more respectively, Lily hands Remus another gift bag, then turns to Emmeline Vance, a girl in the year above us, she's in my History of Magic class, and hands her a huge box. Remus then in turn hands me a brightly colored red box.

"Happy Christmas, Alex."

"Happy Christmas, Remus." I return, smiling and handing him a cold covered gift.

The sound of paper shredding begins.

"No way! Prongs how'd you even find this damn stuff?"

"Muggles, mate. Surprisingly brilliant, even without magic."

Sirius makes a sort of 'ah-HA!" noise and all but tackles James, holding what a package of sweets, and a bag of what looks like... well to be honest it looks like junk. Pieces of metal, screws, and... knuts? It looks like stuff from a garage... what would Sirius want that?

Whatever, he can enjoy his metal, I think I'll pay more attention to Remus's laughing face and he gratefully remarks from my gift.

"...'s brilliant Alex, thanks."

I grin. "You're welcome." I look down at his gift and shred the red paper, revealing a small book, with the title reading 'Tips for Transfig'. I look a bit bemused at him.

"I'm sure you think it's lame, but that's because it's _already _ Transfigured. It's a real book now, and it'll tell you, somewhere, how to change it back, but once you figure it out, I promise you'll love it."

I look down at it, then back to him. "But... it is a Transfiguration book?"

He shrugs. "Maybe." Then he walks away.

Damn that smart one! What if it's like... chocolate? I don't know how to change it back! And I don't want to read it! Ugh, this isn't fair...

"Trust Moony to give you something you have to work for. Open mine, it's easy." James says, handing me a small, red box with a green bow.

I sigh and return the gift with a green bag. "Yea, of course it's about Transfiguration too." I grumble.

He takes out the tissue paper and shrugs. "I'm not so bad at that—" please, boy's a bloody genius, "—I could help transfigure it back to whatever it is, or was." He says, removing my gift, which was wrapped in its own little paper, since I had gotten him 3 little things. He beams and started to laugh at the dungbombs. "Because I gave you those, you cannot, under any circumstance, use them on me, alright?" I say and he keeps laughing, nodding at me, then goes for the next thing, the fireworks. He gives me a look and I shrug. "Don't you like setting things on fire and stuff?" I say, and he gets that sort of 'light bulb' expression, nodding along. "Why yes, yes I do, hm..." I smell a bad plan coming up... Then he takes out the broomstick polish and grins. "I needed this; you must've heard me moaning about it. Thanks Alex." He said, giving me one of those one-armed, half-ass hugs. I roll my arms and give him a full hug. "It's not like I've got cooties, James."

He chuckles. "I wasn't worried about cooties, it's more my best mate thinking I'm getting too touchy with his girl."

"Bloody hell, it's Christmas! And it's not like you're planning to just sweep me away or anything, you've got your own girl anyways. If Sirius really thinks you would do that than he needs to calm his pants down." I say, crossing my arms after letting him go. The boy's such an overreacter.

I then decide to open his box and pull out a pair of gold snitch earrings. I can't help it as I start to laugh. They were really cute actually, but I mean, "Even on Christmas, for a girl who doesn't even play, you can't stop thinking about Quidditch."

He rolls his eyes "Hey, at least I didn't get you an actual snitch."

"No, no I love it, thank you." I say, shaking my head and patting his back. Can't get to 'touchy'.

"Yea, well you better. D'you know it's hard to get presents for girls?" he says before shaking his head and walking off to someone else.

The morning progressed, and the thought of opening Sirius' gift last sort of escaped my mind. His too, it seemed, as he and a few other guys went down to the kitchens. Apparently they thought the Gryffindors would have breakfast in the tower on Christmas. They returned with trays and a cart, a _cart_, of pancakes, sausage, pumpkin juice, toast... anything you want for breakfast, they brought it. And... Is that butterbeer I see? Or are those bottles of firewhiskey being passed around the 6th and 7th years? Sigh... as much as I'd like to tell them off, it is Christmas.

And if I tell them of, I might not get any...

"Harry Christmas, Gryffindors!" a 7th year boy shouts as he turns and takes a swing of what I believe to be firewhiskey.

Butterbeer starts getting passed around the room, and even Remus lets it slide. But while that is obvious, there are also hushed whispers, smiles and bottles being snuck into the older students hands. Soon I'm jabbed in the back and Sirius is whispering in my ear as he hands me a bottle.

"Don't forget... you've got to open my present last, love." He says softly before slipping away to the next non-bottle-holding older student.

Hm, right... but I doubted he meant now. He'd want to be here when I opened it, didn't he? Well I wanted him here, none the less. I pop the top of the bottle, sigh, and tilt it back.

I only remembered after the alcohol burned down my throat that I'd never really had firewhiskey before. Alright, perhaps a sip when I was at a friend's brother's wedding, but it certainly wasn't like the chug I'd just had. Dear Merlin's balls, I think my throat is on fire and my brain is about to explode. I find myself stumbling backwards and connect with the wall, thankfully steadying me so I don't fall. As I blink several times, trying to clear my head, I find myself raising that bottle back to my lips. My throat ignites again and I make a, probably unflattering, face as I swallow the liquid. They don't call it _fire_whiskey for nothing, do they? But as much as it burns and makes my head spin wildly, I start to feel more... happy? Happy! I mean it's _Christmas_, shouldn't I just be bloody _thrilled_? I end-up my bottle again, ignoring the sensation of fire in my throat, and take a particularly long swig.

"Bottoms up, eh Marqcues?" Jason Alder, a 7th year, slides up next to me, his own bottle in hand and a grin plastered on his face.

I almost spill as I stop chugging the fire and nod, wiping my mouth on the back of my hand. "Er, yea! This stuff... 'S so strong!" I comment as he laughs, regarding me with a strange expression.

"You never have this stuff before Alex?"

I shake my head vigorously, then wobble a bit after it, hitting the wall again. "No! But it's _good_! Why... Haven't I before? Merlin..."

Jason laughs and pats me on the back. Someone turns on some music, and I can't distinguish if it's Christmas music, or just normal music, everything sounds fuzzy. "You're going to end that bottle too soon."

"Too soon? But... why? It makes me feel so... good, Jason!" My blinking is a lot slower, but that's normal, right? Eh, I don't care... This is fun! It's Christmas! I'm allowed to be loose, aren't I? Yea, I am. I nod to my own question.

Jason edges up to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder, then goes about looking at the ceiling a moment. I don't bother looking, and slump slight against him and the wall. "Hate to break it to you love, but if this's your first time with this stuff, and you're drinking it at that rate, you're really drunk."

I sigh and my lips go lazy, making that horse noise, but I don't register what he means. So what if I've only had this stuff now? Or... or if I'm fast drinking it? Fast... drinking, right? Yea, anywho... it's good. I can drink lots if it's good.

He looks up at the ceiling again, then squeezes my shoulder. "You might not know it, but there's mistletoe about our heads. And, you know what happens when two people are under one..."

I blink up at him, and I think I'm confused. What happens? Oh, why's he leaning closer? He's going to crush me! I put my hands against his chest to stop him from toppling onto me.

"C'mon love, one snog..."

Wh... What? Why does he—Mistletoe! Oh, you snog under mistletoe! But he can't snog me. And why would he want to? No, wait, getting closer, stop, no contact!

"Jason, stop it."

"No one'll know."

"I've got... Boyfriend! Sirius's my boyfriend!"

"He's not around is he?"

Merlin he's such a stubborn... stubborn arse! No snogging! "Stop! I'm... I'm not kissing you!"

"And why not? You're drunk, it's not like it matters when you're this smashed." He leans in farther and I find myself pushing on his face, against lips and all, to stop him, and he grabs my waist forcefully. My legs feel like lead and I can't move away.

"It matters to _me_. Dating means... no snogging other blokes, so get the fuck off!" I don't realize how loud I was, or what I'd really said, until Jason had quickly released me. I stumble as I turn around to run away, and smash into someone's frame. The new person holds me close, putting his arm around me, and I don't think twice about who it is as I raise my hand and slap him hard across the face.

"Ouch! The hell was that for?" Oh, Merlin, that's Sirius.

"Sorry, I... didn't know it was you..." I slur, but he's too busy burning holes into Jason's head.

"The fuck do you think you're doing with my girlfriend, Alder?" Sirius growls and I struggle to watch them, finding my eyes dropping and myself leaning against Sirius for support.

"Nothing, Sirius, just ah, wishing her a good holiday—"

"Were you now? By, oh I don't know, trying to take advantage of her while she's _drunk_?"

"No, I wasn't taking adv—"

In an instant Sirius had let go of me, I found a way to attain my balance, and pinned Jason against the wall by the shoulder, and I see him wince, dropping his empty bottle. I strain to hear them, as my hearing is already fuzzy, and Sirius's growling voice has dropped several octaves.

"_Don't_ even _think_ about trying anything on her _ever_ again. She's _my_ girlfriend. Don't lay a hand, or a lip, on her ever, you hear me? Or you'll have to deal with me. And I can tell you right now, I'd be a lot worse than I am right now, Alder."

Jason visibly swallows and nods, his eyes wide. Perhaps it's my blurry vision, but his hands seem to be shaking. "G-Got it."

Sirius makes a noise between a grunt and a sneer and lets him scamper off. He sighs and turns back to me, his angry, threatening demeanor vanishing. "I... didn't think you'd get so drunk."

"It's—" hiccup, "—alright, love..." I mumble, shaking my head as I smile and wobble over to him.

He chuckles and catches me, though I couldn't tell if I was falling or not, and wraps his arms tightly around me. I lean my head against his chest and look up at him softly, my pupils very dilated I'm sure.

"I'm glad you didn't kiss him."

"You're my-hic- boyfriend... that'd be cheating. And that's against the rules... 'Sides, Jason's a... a git. I don't want to kiss any gits."

"...Then why d'you kiss me? I can't be much bet—"

"No, no talking. You're a lovely person Sirius."

But I got you drunk! I handed you that bottle like everything would be fine, like I just expected you to be totally normal... and look where that got us?"

I shake my head and lift it, blinking slowly as I look into his grey eyes. "'S all my fault. I shouldn't have chugged... You're amazing, you are. And I love you, okay? You aren't a git." I say, trying to shove away the alcohol and be serious, but it's harder than you think. I plant a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth. Yes, I missed the whole of his mouth, but I know I'm drunk.

He sighs. "Even when you're totally smashed, you're adorable, Alex." He says and I nuzzle into his chest. "C'mon, we'll go upstairs. Hopefully help you settle, calm down, then we can open each other's gifts last, okay?" he murmurs in my ear, and I nod.

"Okay. Take me away, mystery man."

* * *

**:) I'm pretty proud of it, and it was funny as hell to write drunk-Alex.**

**Thoughts? You know I love reviews ;D**

**~xo DA**


	20. Chapter 20

**Ah, I know I know, I took almost 2 months to get this bad boy up, but I had MAJORLY annoying computer issues. From deleting all my typing, to screwing with the documents... it was a bitch. But I got it, finally, and here it is! Yay, we finally get to know what the lovely Gryffindor pair got each other for their holiday. And if Alex is still as drunk as she was. Alright, have at it, I'll see you at the bottom. :)**

* * *

**Chapter 20: Ho Ho Ho and a Bottle of Firewhiskey Part 2**

Is it weird that I find it completely normal to be lounging about in Sirius's bed, all alone, when I'm drunk? I think most people on a regular basis don't do hang about their boyfriends' sleeping quarters.

You'd think something would be happening, like James does. I'm sure they assumed why we were disappearing, and I'm sure Remus was really the only one who understood Sirius's intentions. But, no, nothing's going on, despite James's mumbled accusations. No shagging here. I'm just lying here, very comfortably I might add, curled up in a blanket in Sirius's bed, which smells of cologne, rosemary, and a bit of wet dog, while he's getting me breakfast. Something about food soaking up the alcohol or... ugh, I don't know. My head is pounding and it feels like there's cotton in my ears, everything sounds fuzzy. I see out gifts, still wrapped, at the food of the bed, and I have the urge to rip it open now, I can't will myself to do that. It'd be too much work. _Why _did I think chugging Firewhiskey was a good idea? It was so _not_. Ugggghhhhh...

Tip of the day, kids; even if everyone is going it, and it makes you happy, _don't_. _Drink. It. _You'll end up under mistletoe with someone you do not want to kiss, and slapping your boyfriend across the face. Not good...

My stomach grumbles as if on cue when Sirius enters with a huge plate of pancakes, sausage and bacon, eggs, some sort of pink tablets, and a glass of good old orange juice. I think my mouth is watering at just the smell of it. Did I ever mention how much I really love food. And Sirius? They're both really bloody amazing.

"Alright, let's see if you aren't loopy." Sirius mutters, sitting down on his bed beside my curled up frame. "Open." He instructs, holding the pink tablet.

I hesitate. "What is it?"

"It'll help your headache. Now open."

I do as he says this time, wanting this pounding to just go away this second.

He sets the pink thing on my tongue. "Shut. And let it dissolve, no chew-"

"It tasths weally weirthd!" I say, my face puckering at the taste. It made my mouth dry, and I kept trying to will it to dissolve faster.

He chuckled at my expression and picks up a sausage, chomping off a huge bite. Taunting little git... I want that sausage. Dissolve! Dissolve faster! Go, go, go!

"You're going to love my gift. I know it." He says, taking another bite.

"Yea, well, mine'th amathing. I _made_ ith."

"Why says I didn't make mine? ...well okay, not _all_ of it... but it's, er, sort of made, I suppose..."

Sort of made? How is something sort of made? Well I suppose I'll find out, won't I... After this damn tablet dissolves!

Don't chew it! It won't help you if you don't just let it dissolve." Sirius scolds, shaking his head at me.

I slump. "But I want food." I whine, letting the now-in-pieces tablet dissolve fully.

"You can have food after that's done."

Ugh. I think it's done. Bacon time. I reach for a piece, but he pulls the plate away from my prying hands.

"Ah-ah-ah... open."

I pout, but open my mouth, where the tab really did dissolve. He nods. "Alright, you can eat."

YES. Food! Bacon! Ah! I lung for the plate, snatching it out of his hands and taking a big bite of a slice. It's like I haven't eaten in days, instead of just since dinner, but for whatever reason, I'm absolutely starving...

He flinches and just sort of watches as I munch on the meat. "Hungry?"

"You've no idea..." I mumble in the moment I have that's not filled with delicious bacon. Really though, was I always this hungry? I don't remember being _starving_, maybe puckish, but not this... But I don't remember a lot... It's all fuzzy. And I don't feeling this bad either...

"Don't stuff yourself or you'll—"

"I don't feel so well."

"...get sick."

No sooner had he said that, did my stomach churn. Oh no...

"I'm going to be sick."

"Er, yea, that happens when you drink that much..."

"Sirius!"

"What?"

"That's not help—Oh, Merlin."

I cover my mouth and lunge off his bed, not even caring what happens to the bacon plate at this point, and head right for the bathroom, and, well, get sick.

Stupid Firewhiskey, why did I ever drink you?

My hair keeps falling in my face, and I'm kneeling over the bloody toilet bowl. This. Is. Awful.

"Here." Sirius walks in and crouches beside me, taking my hair in his hands, holding it back. How nice.

We're both silent as I, ahem, get all that alcohol out of my system. Which I'm sure will be good for me later, but right now, it's pretty horrible. I'm never drinking again. Ever. Ugh.

Sirius decides that now is a good time to break the silence.

"Happy Christmas love."

xXx

"Alright, you open mine first."

"You really want to be last to open, don't you Sirius?"

"Yes, no here." He says, handing me a box about the size of my fist, wrapped in this off-white paper, with snowflakes. It was actually pretty, like it'd really snowed onto the paper. I didn't know he got get ahold of that kind of paper, maybe Lily had it?

I smile and adjust myself on his bed, crossing my legs under me and tucking my hair behind my ear. I feel so much better with that firewhiskey out of my system. Ahem, Sirius then got me some mint mouthwash after that, which was much needed and appreciated, but I digress.

I tear at the paper, revealing a white box, as I thought. Inside that, there was more white, in tissue paper form, covering what looked like a necklace. And it was. It was a diamond shape, sort of thick, in depth, and made of silver. On the edges it had a sort of outline of little, detailed 'x's, that sort of were woven together. It was really pretty, but I didn't understand what was made about it. But, maybe it didn't matter so much, it was gorgeous, and I liked it enough...

"It's gorgeous, Sirius-"

"Well you have to open in."

"...huh?"

He reaches over and gently turns the diamond on its side. "It's a locket, see? Open that."

There was a little clasp, like I've seen on my mother's jewelry, back home, and I unclipped it, opening it up.

"D'you remember that picture?" he asks, pointing to the one on the left, but I wasn't really listening.

The moving picture on the left when we were kids, maybe 2nd year. We'd visited each other over the summer, at James's house were Sirius was staying, and Mrs. Potter snapped a photo of the two of us. He was trying to tug at my hair and poke my sides, and I was swatting away his hands, the two of us laughing and shouting. Just looking at it, it was like I could hear my own shrill laugh, and his like a bark. I always wanted a copy of this, but Mrs. Potter was a bit of a frazzled woman, and never seemed to get around to it.

"Yea, James was getting the hose, wasn't he?" I say, though I wasn't really looking for answer as I looked to the right photo.

This one was recent, really recent. It was the two of us at Hogsmeade, just a few weeks ago, standing outside the castle it looks, with his arm draped around my shoulder, mine around his waist. We were smiling at the camera and it moves from simply smiling to him planting a kiss on my cheek. Remus took this one.

"So it's... it's sort of a before and after. Of us." I say, studying the pictures as they move, playing over and over again.

I think he nods, and rubs his hands together. "Yea. I wanted to give you something personal, because, um, I care, and all, you always say how much you like that first photo. And... Well, I like the second one a lot." Sirius explains.

"It's perfect."

"Really?"

I look up at him. Why would he doubt it? Sure, I don't wear a ton of jewelry, but that's really because I don't have a lot of earrings or necklaces or anything... But I love it. "Yea, it's amazing... did you think I wouldn't like it?"

"Erm, no, I just..." he shrugged and ran a hand through his long hair, it all falling into his face. "I dunno. I haven't ever really worried what to get a girl for Christmas or anything before, so I wasn't sure... James wasn't any help, but Remus sort of helped..." he said.

I don't know why I was surprised, and even slightly flattered, by that. I mean, he's always seemed to have a different girl every month- if that long- and I suppose it wasn't ever for his smarts... not that I'm putting him down, it's just that girls always usually tended to go for his looks, instead of really trying to get to know him, and see how smart and clever he was. Because, he is incredibly attractive, and that doesn't really land you a girlfriend for that long, since they'll eventually get to know some of you, and might not like what they get. So I mean, I shouldn't be surprised that he hadn't bought anything for a girl, but I was, And I did feel flattered, and now I'm babbling in my head and not making sense while I should be doing something else. Oops. Sigh.

"Well, I think it's brilliant, Sirius. Really." I say, undoing the clasp and going to put it on.

He smiles and puts his hands on mine. "Here." He says, taking it from my hands. He stands up and goes behind me, draping the diamond around my neck in the front, and then clasping the back together again.

I look back down and smile at the necklace hanging around my neck. It really is thoughtful of him, with the pictures and all.

"Now." He claps his hands together and sits down again. "My turn to open." He grins.

I roll my eyes, but hand him my bigger box covered in sliver foil-like wrapping, and a gold and maroon bow. Had to have something Gryffindor on there after all.

"Hm. It's like the size of a wide book... You did not get me a real book, did you?" he asks, studying me to see if I'd give it away.

I sigh. "I'm not telling you what it is, but you'll... well, you better like it. You should." I say, chewing at my lip.

"But, Alex..."

"No whining, open." I instruct.

He sighs and takes the bow off, then sticks it right to his she on his shirt, making me smile and try not to laugh. Everything makes me want to laugh right now. Was it the tablet? Eh, I don't know.

The tearing begins and he gets to the actual present. A big, thick maroon 'book' with a little 'window' of sorts right in the middle of the cover, with the Gryffindor crest displayed.

"It's..." he turns to book over, then back, then opens it to the first page. " 'Mischief, marauders, and more than friends.'" He reads aloud from the title page. "'A Gryffindor's scrapbook...'" he looks up at me, eyebrows furrowed. "A scrapbook? You... made me a scrapbook?" he manages out, thumbing all the pages that took hours to put together, and rolling his lips. "It's huge. It can't be just 6th year..."

"It's not. It's, um, since we've known each other, first year. Or as far back as I could get photos from, at least." I say, watching as he turns to the first page of pictures and captions. "IT's a progression. Starts when we were little, and gets older, until now." I open the necklace. "This one is in it. Towards the end." I point to the right of the necklace, at the recent photo.

"Huh..." Sirius mumbled, his eyes scanning the page, then he grins and chuckles, pointing to a photo of James pulling Lily's hair. "I remember that, it was hilarious at the time, though not when Lily went on a rampage after."

Reading the caption, he turned the page, read another, and then looked at me again. "They're all dates... From the day they were taken? These pictures?"

"Yea, though some of them are just months or the year, and other have titles."

He looks back down and shuts the scrapbook. "Looks like I've got something to keep me busy. With all these pages of photos!" he says, running his hand over the cover, nodding a lot as he sounds in sort of... aghast. Surprised. Shocked. Something like that.

We're quiet for a moment, though it seems like ages. I might explode. "Well?"

"Well wat?"

What do you bloody mean 'well what'? "Do you like it?"

"Like it? I love it. It's incredible, really brilliant Alex." Oh thank Merlin... I've never been so worried about a gift before, though probably because I've never made something this huge, and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "...loads better than a necklace." Oh no, Sirius...

"That's not true—"

"Yes it is. I mean you really thought about this and I..."

"You thought about this too. I mean anyone can get a girl jewelry, but you thought about what kind... and a locket, and... And which pictures you wanted in it... Just because this has 2 and that has many doesn't make it any less thoughtful, okay?"

He sighs and shrugs. "Yea, okay, but I still that it's not as good as—"

"Stop it!" I interrupt, frowning as I hit his arm, relatively hard too.

"Ow, hey, what the bloody hell was that for?" his eyebrows furrow and he looks at me like I might be drunk again.

"That's for saying your gift isn't good enough, because that's a lie. And one mustn't lie, Sirius. I love you, but you need to be hit sometimes, you're so stubborn..." I answer, crossing my arms and giving him a look. Really, it upsets me that he would think his gift wasn't worth anything to me, or wasn't as thoughtful, because to me it's utterly perfect.

"But-"

"Ah!"

"Alex-"

"Shh!"

"Just-"

"No!"

"Would you please-"

"Nhmhn! Stop! You are not arguing with me. Your gift is perfect, and I'll never take it off. Now, I'm going to change, take something for a headache, and then I'll meet you downstairs for... other Christmas activates." I say, like it's a threat to contradict me, then gather my few scattered things from his bed. Though I do bend down and peck his cheek before I depart. "Happy Christmas, love."

xXx

I would not advise walking into a room full of people who're concerned about you and your drunken affairs when you're trying to maintain whatever calm façade you've got going. Especially when your friends just love talking at once.

"Alex! What happened?"

"Did you really punch Prongs?"

"Forget punching, you snogged Jason Alder?"

"James, honestly. Are you sick?"

Did I mention that I was very prone to claustrophobia when I'm like this?

"Uh, I just want to shower..."I hear myself say, backing myself up against the stairs but clearly that wasn't the answer they were looking for. "I'm fine, I just... um, shouldn't drink firewhiskey before breakfast on Christmas..." I say, shaking my head and trying to make my way up the stairs to the girl's dorm.

"But Alex, are you feeling alright now?" Lily asked, following me up the stairs.

"Yea, Sirius gave me something." I say simply, going up a few more steps, and so does she.

"You sure? I mean Firewhiskey is strong-"

"Clearly, if you started snogging _Alder_." James interrupts and I sigh.

"James, I was drunk, and I didn't actually snog him. I would appreciate if you would please _shut. Up._" I say, irritably running up to the dorm before Lily could finish her question.

My head is pounding again, and Merlin it hurts. Worse, actually, and I reach for my own bed, sitting down as I pull out clothes to change into after my shower. Usually a shower helps me feel better. But then again, I've never really been hung-over before, so I dunno how well it'll work this time... But oh well, I still need to bathe.

"Alex, really, maybe you should just take it easy today." Oh good, Lily's back.

"I am; Sirius and I are just going to hang about the castle. No... Shenanigans, okay?" It's Christmas, Lil."

She sighs and sits on her bed across from mine. "I know, but Sirius always has something planned, and you know how he's like, Alex, he might think it'll be fine but it won't and... I dunno, you told me some time about, when the boys were going out and said something about drinking, that you'd never had firewhiskey and I guess I'm just sort of concerned..."

"Yea, I know. But, I mean, I punched him. He must know that things are not all well with me right now. I don't go about being violent all the time-"

"Well you are pretty violent, Alex."

"-and 'sides, I could just tell him that I'm not okay." I say, ignoring her interruption, and smile. "Yea, you worry too much, Lily. I promise I'll be fine. But you, missy, should be downstairs." I say, wagging my finger at her as I stand. "With _your_ boyfriend. Snogging under mistletoe and all..." I say with a mischievous smile and Lily blushes.

"Mistletoe's ridiculous. It's just an excuse to snog someone." She mumbles, crossing her arms.

"But you know James is going to use it." I say knowingly, standing in the doorway of the bathroom, leaning against the doorframe.

"That doesn't mean I'm required to kiss him!" she says not a second after I finish my sentence.

"But you will, you'll cave..."

"Alex, you're... you're still tipsy! Take a shower." She grumbles, shooing me with her hand.

"Alright, but you know you want to!" I say in a sing-song voice, quickly shutting the door as she lobs a pillow at me.

She's in denial.

xXx

After a refreshing shower, an actual breakfast, and quite the loaded cup of coffee, plus one more tablet, I was ready for Christmas. True, I was perhaps a bit more... calm, than normal. Like nothing seemed to bother me, like everything went over my head, unless extremely dramatic, it seemed. I don't know. I was fuzzy, but a warm/happy kind of fuzzy, not drunk 'I can't understand anything' fuzzy.

We all sort of split off into our own groups, pairs, or singles. James and Lily went off through the castle, I heard something about 'astronomy tower', Remus said he was going to take a stroll and probably write in 'this fascinating journal I got from a friend' he had said, not giving much away, but of course I knew he was off to a paper-date with Rachel. And I think I even saw Alice sneak off with Frank Longbottom. They're adorable, really. Soul-mates, I'd bet galleons on it. And then Sirius and I went off on our way. The only person that I'd not really given much thought to seeing, not that I minded seeing him, was Andrew.

As we now walk through the halls, heading to the clock tower courtyard, he seemed to pop out of nowhere. Must be a Hufflepuff thing...

"Alex! I hoped I'd run into you." He says, and Sirius seemed to think that the presence of another male meant time to hold my waist with an iron grip. Oh look, someone else of the opposite gender that enjoys conversing with me. Threatening...

"Hello Andrew; Happy Christmas." I say dreamily. "Why so?"

He was wearing this big coat, which made me wonder if he had been, or was heading, outside where it was bound to be chilly, and reached into the inside pouches, taking out a thick parcel with a bow on it. "Give you this." He grinned, handing it over.

It was sort of heavy, and felt like a lot of paper. Sirius gave me a squeeze, but I ignored it.

"It's not anything special, but Lily's in my Transfiguration class. We were talking the other day, and she was talking about how she isn't so good at it, and that you don't get on with it well either apparently. And, I do pretty well, and since she's got James to tutor her to her heart's content, I thought I'd give you my old notes. A little birdie told me that my class is ahead a bit, so I've no use for those notes, but you might."

My eyes widened and I gaped at him. "You're giving me your _detailed Transfiguration notes_?" I ask in a hushed, surprised tone. He nods and I practically rip myself from Sirius and fly at Andrew, tackling him in a tight hug. "Thank you, thank you, _thank you_! Andrew, you are the _best_!" I exclaim with a tight hug.

He chuckles. "It's just notes Alex. It's nothing really. I told you, I've no use for them. Better give them to you than toss them."

I let go of him and give him a look. "Please. To me, it's everything. Now I won't be failing." I say and I hear Sirius make a growling sort of noise. "But, ah, I don't have anything for you-"

"You don't have to give me anything. I told you, a million times, its last minute. No big deal." He cuts me off. But I protest yet again, knowing I'll feel guilty later on.

"Really. I'll find you something."

"Alex, you don't owe me anything. If you really want, I'll tack it up next to the time you owe me from helping you in class."

"You still remember?"

"I told you, a Hufflepuff never forgets."

I nod. "Right, clearly..." I say. "Well, alright, but I've gotta pay you back sometime."

He chuckles and shakes his head, but he must know he's fighting a losing battle, because he starts to nod. "Alright, fine, whatever. Happy Christmas Alex." He glances at Sirius. "You too, Black."

Sirius nods curtly. "DeRae..." Really, couldn't he be more civil?

He gives me another smile and heads on his way. I turn on Sirius, giving him a look. "What?"

Oh, really now... "You just had to be all... all huffy about a friend giving me a gift? You didn't get mad at James or Remus."

He scowls a moment. "That's different! How d'you know _him_?" he asks, saying 'him' like Andrew is some sort of disease.

"He's in my charms class. He sits next to me. Nothing's wrong with him."

"When did he 'help you in class'?"

"I wasn't paying attention and he gave me the answer to the question I was asked." I cross my arms.

He sighs. "I dunno, love. He seems-"

"Normal. He's normal. I have friends of the male gender besides your two, Sirius."

"But—"

"What? He's not a Gryffindor? Do you have an issue with Rachel then?"

"No! I don't have any issues with her!"

"Then what's wrong with Andrew? He's not going to steal me away..." I say, sort of being sarcastic as I roll my eyes. But he sighs and doesn't respond, and I wonder if that's really what he thinks... I sigh softly and step up to him, putting my hands on his shoulders. "He's not stealing me away." I repeat. "I'm not going anywhere, okay? I promise." I tell him, gently pecking his lips.

He sighs and nods, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me close, burying his head in my hair and holding me tight. He really is like a dog, the way he curls up against me and all, probably why a dog was so fitting for his animagus form. And he's got the 'puppy dog look' down. And, well, he's pretty cuddly too. He'd probably be the perfect pillow...

"I'm all yours, okay? Andrew's just a friend. You aren't getting rid of me that easily. "I murmur softly. "Now come on, we can hug someplace other than a corridor." I tell him gently, my calm, dizzy, and float-y demeanor returning and filling me up again, and I take his hand, starting to walk.

Sirius sighs softly but walks along beside me, putting his fingers in the spaces between my fingers. Aw, how romantic, on Christmas... Which reminds me, I've been looking in doorways all day for mistletoe, lying in wait for some unhappy girl to stumble upon with a random boy. Though, really, I haven't been looking for any reason really, just because... Maybe I'd see someone I knew under one.

We walk down the corridor and turn to the small hall before the courtyard, waving to a few people we share classes with as we cross out of the castle and out into the cold, but refreshing air. I take a long, deep breath, and I already feel better, no longer so woozy and dizzy. But I do curl closer to Sirius as we walk over to a snow-covered bench directly across the clock tower. WE brush away the loose snow and sit down. Though, it was more like he sat down on the bench, and I sat on his lap, but... It was a cold bench! And he's comfortable...

We just sort of sat there a while, with my head against his chest and his arms holding me around the waist, close to him, staring up at the giant clock. The view almost seemed like that whole 'winter wonderland' people went on about this time of year. The clock was an off-white color, with that 'rough around the edges' look to it form years and years of being used, and the black pendulum parts winging back and forth; that with the snow falling softly in front of it sort of made this picture perfect. And surreal too.

I look to my left, through the columns, to the grounds, and I see James and Lily underneath this huge oak tree that was dusted with snow. Not the Whoming Willow, clearly, that wouldn't be romantic. I guess they came down form the astronomy tower. Lily's laughing and James' is smiling. But he gets that cheeky look on his face and pulls out something from his pocket; a small sprig of mistletoe. She scoffs at him as he holds it above his head, between them, and puckers his lips. She gives him a shove and crosses her arms, but he only chuckles at her. She sighs and smiles that little, 'Lily Evans' smile and grabs at the collar of his shirt, pulling him in for a kiss, or a hearty snog. I smile and turn back to my boyfriend, snuggling up to him with a sigh, reaching up and fiddling with the diamond around my neck.

Though, it was really strange, as I sat there, because the whole... development, I guess, of mine and Sirius' relationship sort of unfolded in my head. From the ball, and my very own mystery man, to him acting so strange around me after then, and of course when I finally found out that one of my best mates was leading a double life as said mystery man. For a while it seemed like a blur, everything that had happened between us, but sitting back and taking a moment to really think about it, it's quite the story. But probably one of my favorites.

It's really strange, having my feelings do a complete change like that. Going from just good old mates, to fancying one another to... this. Was this more than just fancying? I'd like to think so, but then again, it's not like I've been in love before to know what it's like. But I'm pretty sure it goes like this... But I like this. This is good, it's a good time. And I can almost guarantee that Sirius likes it too. But, then again, he started off fancying me for ages, it must be a dream come true. Except, I shouldn't think about it that way, that I'm making his dreams come true and all, because really, it's a dream come true for me too. Sure, I didn't plan for it to involve Sirius, I didn't know who, but it came true anyways. Maybe it was

Meant to be' and all that.

I wonder if Professor Trelawney ever saw this coming.

* * *

**...So what do ya think? Good?**

**I usually don't ask for reviews, cause I don't really care, but I would love, love, LOVE, it if you would PLEASE just give me some feedback. I don't care if it's a simple 'love it' or 'hate it' or whatever. 2 words is good enough. (Though, you know, long paragraphs are accepted too). But I'd like feedback, if there are things I can improve, or something maybe you think I should add.**

**I'm not saying whatever you suggest'll be in it, but sometimes it spurs ideas.**

**Anyways, I've got ideas for the next chap. written up, and someone to yell at me when I don't type, so hopefully chap. 21'll be up a LOT quicker!**

**~xoDA**


	21. It's Routine

**A/N: So, um, hi there... It's been like 2 months since I updated. And I kind of feel shitty about that, and I'm still going to give the 'I had shows for drama, and buttloads of homework, and family issues' excuses, which did suck away time, but I also did find lots of time to get on tumblr when I could have been typing. So, really, I'm just lazy as hell. And I apologize for taking so darn long. But I will not give up on this story! I refused!**

**So to those of you who are still here and don't hate me, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STICKING WITH ME AND MY LAZINESS I LOVE YOU.**

**Now here's a very long chapter. Enjoy :) xx**

* * *

**Chapter 21: It's Routine**

The big red chair in the Gryffindor common room, with its very worn cushions that make you sink when you sit, is the perfect place to study for your upcoming Transfiguration test with your friends very detailed notes. Just start up the fire, kick back, and bury yourself in parchment. Works like a charm.

With a cup of hot tea on the table beside me, half-drunk with lots of empty sugar packets littering said table, my eyes were glued to Andrew's- or are they technically mine? – notes, frantically scanning each word, phrase, side note, or the rare, but oh so helpful, diagram. No wonder Andrew does so well, his notes are like Professor McGonagall's lecture's on paper, and understandable. They're _beautiful_. I feel like I'm actually learning something, it's amazing.

Lily's been 'checking up on me', as she puts it, every now and again. I keep meaning to stop her before she leaves to show her the necklace Sirius gave me, but I keep getting immersed in my/his notes. And, well, every time she says something I just mumble something like 'mhm... yeam..." Real intelligent, I know, but I don't think I studied this hard for my O.W.L.s. Well, maybe, but that's not the point.

"Alex, you're going to drive yourself mad if you don't take a break."

"...'m fine, James..." I mumble from my papers and he sighs, walking over and sitting down on the couch beside the chair.

He doesn't say anything a moment, then suddenly lunges, yanking the papers from me.

"James, no! You'll rip them!" I shriek.

"Calm down, they're just a little crinkled. I won't rip them."

"Give them back. I want to study. Test tomorrow."

I make a grabbing motion and he shakes his head, holding them out of my reach. "Ah ah ah... No grabbing. I'll give them back to you after you take a break."

I'm not leaving the common room."

"I didn't say you had to. You just need a break. Fancy a butterbeer?"

For a moment I wonder where they got the butterbeer from, it's not as if they have it at school, but I remember Sirius telling me one time about these secret passageways all over the castle. And about mapping... something. But he stopped himself at that and wouldn't answer my questions about it. It's just a map... Maybe I'll ask him again later. "Um, sure," I shrug, uncrossing my legs and standing out of my saggy chair, stretching my arms over my head.

James nods and stands, taking my notes with him, bloody, sneaky git, as he walks away.

"Isn't that Sirius' sweatshirt?" A boy in the year above me, whoc had emerged from a sea of 'History of magic' books, commented.

"Yea."

"Why're you wearing it?"

Um, because it's big and comfy? And soft, and warm, and smells like him. It's wonderful. "Because I can."

"But it's not yours."

"Maybe I stole it."

"Does he know?"

Do you know what the meaning of stole is? I doubt so. "Well, I'm dating him. I don't think he'll really mind that much."

"Even after that snog with Alder, Sirius still wants you?"

"_Excuse me?_ Clearly you weren't present as he tried to _force_ his tongue in my mouth to 'kiss' him while I was _drunk_, against my will I might add, while I tried to _stop_ him. So, in fact, I never snogged Jason Alder, because _he _is an asshole. And Sirius knows that. Thank you."

The boy goes slightly pale and quickly buries himself back into his book. Yea, that's right, hide away in those books you little twit...

James comes back with two bottles and my notes, and I grumpily slouch back into my chair. Ugh, I thought this whole thing had blown over. It's been more than a week!

James gives me a way look and eyes the boy, sitting down again and handing me a bottle. "I miss something?"

"No, "I say grumpily, taking a sip of the butterbeer, and sigh.

He nods and points at me. "That Sirius' sweatshirt?"

"So what if it is?"I practically yell at him, making him jump and almost slosh his drink.

"I was just curious, it doesn't matter. You sure you're alright, Alex?"

"I just need to study."

"Maybe you need to take a nap..."

"I'm fine. Now can I place have my notes back?"

He sighs and looks down at said nods, and his eyebrows furrow. "This isn't your handwriting. It's much too neat and legible."

I roll my eyes. "Thanks..." I mutter. "But it's Andrew's. They're his old notes. He gave them to me for Christmas."

"Ah, no wonder they're so detailed..."

"Hey!" I frown and give him a look, going to grab them again. This time he lets me take them back. "Thank you." Grumble...

James shakes his head and chuckles. "You know, if you just cram, you'll forget it all by time the test comes."

"No I won't."

"Yes you will."

"...Shut up."

"Go take a nap."

I sigh. Maybe he's right... I keep feeling like I just have to cram, but I am tired. Maybe just a quick nap. At most an hour. Maybe an hour and a half... "Fine. I'll take a nap..." I get up and take my notes, butterbeer and shoes, and start trudging up the stairs.

"I'll just... clean _this_ mess up for you then."

"Thank you James. Tell Lily thank you too. And... Goodnight."

"Alright, goodnight."

"And tell Sirius I'm stealing his sweatshirt."

xXx

_Sirius turns another page of the scrapbook, looking at the photo of an angry Lily whacking James, while he and Remus laughed in the background, from their fourth year, with the date and all, just like every photo Alex put in there. Every photo, from ones at school, to one's from holiday, and even one's while he was at James' house. He figured Mrs. Potter had helped her get certain photos. She always liked Alex... He wondered if James or Lily or even Remus knew about the scrapbook? He wanted to think they didn't, he was pretty sure James didn't, 'But Alex never tells Prongs anything' he thought as he scans another photo and caption. Lily might but Remus wouldn't... What about Rachel? Yea, Alex tells her everything. Complete opposite of James._

"_Hey, Pads, Alex says she's-"_

_SLAM. Sirius shuts the scrapbook and leans on it, like he's trying to hide it._

_He looks up and meets eyes with James, who just stares at him blankly.  
"...Alex says what?"_

"_Um, she's stealing your sweatshirt... what've you get there, Sirius?"_

"_Nothing."_

"_Looks like a book. I didn't know you read."_

"_Oh, shut up... I read loads of things."_

"_James makes his way across the boys form and to his bed, left of Sirius', and tries to sneak a peek. "That's pretty thick. C'mon, what is it?"_

"_Told you it's nothing," Sirius says, his eyebrows furrowing._

"_Why can't I know? Aren't I your best mate?" he tsked._

"_Yea but I don't to share everything with you."_

"_It's a book."_

"_It's none of your bloody business!"_

"_It's all of my business!"_

_The boys both threw glares at one another, but seeing as they're both stubborn, neither would want to be the first to cave._

_Then Remus walked in. "...It's like the second Ice Age in here. What'd you do now?"_

"_Sirius is being a prat."_

"_James is prying into my business."_

"_Over what?" Remus stuffed his hands in his pockets, and leaned against a bedpost, almost as if this happened all the time, and these were just the same questions._

"_Some book."_

"_It's more than just a book!"_

"_Well I wouldn't know, you won't tell me!"_

"_James, if Pads doesn't want to share his book he doesn't have to." Sirius looks smug. "But, you-" Remus points at said smirking boy. "-could at least say it's private, if you're going to be sour about not sharing." The expression stops off Sirius' face and onto James'._

"_But Remus-"_

"_No whining."_

"_You're like a bloody father..." James grumbles, crossing his arms and throwing himself on his bed with a thump._

_The room grows quiet as each of them didn't want to break the silence. James still wanted to know what the damn book was, Sirius wanted to get back to scanning the pages of said book, and Remus just wanted his mates not to shout. It gives him a headache._

"_Alex made me a scrapbook," Sirius finally says slowly, leaning off the book and showing James the cover. He thought it just wasn't worth the bitterness later. And just because he told him what it was didn't mean he had to show him the inside... It was just easier this way._

_James sits up and takes a look at it, cracking a grin. "Alex would do that, make such a book. 'Specially for you." He didn't ask what was inside. As stubborn as he may claim to be, or act, he did know his limits, more so around Sirius than anyone else. After going through all the hell they were chucked into he knew better than to get too testy with him._

_Sirius smiles and nods, looking back down at the cover._

"_Hey, you didn't tell me, what'd she think of the necklace?" James asks, only just remembering now. Sirius wouldn't stop going on about it to him once he figured out that's what he'd give her, so he figured he owed it to Sirius to ask about it._

_While biting at his lip, Sirius runs a hand thought his long, unkempt hair, thinking about their 'argument' that morning. But he decided not to bother with repeating the trouble with James, at least not now. "She loved it," he says, putting a smile on his face. "She said she wouldn't take it off."_

_James nods. "Well good. Just hope she lives up to that, eh? Be a shame if you caught her without it on."_

_By this time Remus had decided to leave them be, nodding as he left the room, thinking to himself, 'My work here is done.'_

xXx

I'm late. Fuck. Fucking fuck. I blame James. For.. um, stealing my notes and taking away my time to study, so I had to cram, and then... go take said test, but then... I just blame him okay.

So as I rush down the halls to my charms class, I panic, but also rejoice. I didn't fail that Transfiguration test. In fact, I may have even done _well_ on it. Well! On a Transfiguration test! It's a bloody miracle! Andrew's notes are my saving grace. If I wasn't dating Sirius, I could kiss him. Maybe.

Back to being late. Professor Flitwick probably won't mind so much, as he loves me to death, but I shouldn't count on it. Maybe he's in a bad mood and I'll get detention. That would not be good. Did it once, wanted to kill myself and Marlene McKinnon, don't want to do it again.

I get to my classroom and open the door, wincing as it creaked audibly, then entire class turning and looking at me. Well, hi there... Andrew gives me a curious look, almost asking 'Where were you?', and I shake my head.

"Oh, well, Welcome Alex. You made it before we paired off. Take your seat." I knew Flitwick wouldn't get angry at me. Thank Merlin I know my charms...

I nod and quickly take my seat, and there's already a note in front of me. From Andrew, no doubt.

'Where were you?' was scrawled onto the paper.

I dig out my quill and ink and write back; 'Lost track of time. But... guess who passed her transfig. test?' I slide back to him with a smile.

He gins and scribbles something else, handing it back as Professor Flitwick starts talking about a pair activity.

'I take it you had detailed notes?'

I look back at him and nod. He glances our professor's way before mouthing 'be my partner?' to me.

But of course as I mouth 'sure' back at him, we were told our partners had already been chosen. Naturally. I make a friend in my class and I'm not allowed to work with him. This is my life...

"Alright, no I'll read off your names and you'll find a pair of desks together. Ready? Mr. Artcher with Mr. Fenter..."

The list trails on and the two of us just have groaning expressions on our faces. Why? _Why?_

"Well maybe we will be paired together—"

"Mr. DeRae and Mr. Marx."

"Or not..." I finish for him as he gives me a sorry look and gathers his things, going to join the other Hufflepuff boy. Lucky him, he gets someone he knows. I doubt I will. And even if I did, the Gryffindors in this class are people I rarely talk to.

"...Marqcues with Ms. Hawthorne."

I sigh and gather my own things and look across the room. I've never, ah, had the pleasure to meet 'Ms. Hawthorne' before, but I've heard of her. She's a Slytherin, in my year apparently, and he name's Kimberly. That's about it. I haven't heard anything that bad about her, she's got no criminal record or family history that needed to be running through Hogwarts gossip mill, but she _is _a Slytherin...

I spot her sitting in a desk, her legs stretched across to the one beside hers, and she's staring back at me, smirking. Hm, well. Clearly she knows of me... I walk over and set my things on the desk occupied by her feet, but she doesn't look like she wants to move them.

She eyes me up and down and rubs her chin, like she's thinking hard about me, as if I were under some sort of inspection. "Alex, right? Yea, I've heard about you. So, where's your boyfriend? One Sirius Black, yea? Didn't think you'd be datin' that mutt. Don't think I've had the... _pleasure_ to see him," she grins, but I'll admit it doesn't look evil, just... teasing. Like instead of making me want to maim her with something, she just sort of wants to see me agitated. Huh.

"Yea, well, he doesn't share this class with me."

"Ah, what a shame... must be absolutely _heartbroken_."

"...sure. Mind if I sit?"

She hesitates, like she's deciding if I'm worthy enough to sit down, and then nods, moving her feet under her own desk. I slide into the desk and sigh, slumping.

"I'm Kimberly, but you can call me Kim. Everyone does. I barely answer to Kimberly anyways," she says, shrugging her slim shoulders. She's a thin girl, but not frail. As far as I know of she's pretty strong, but like I said, I haven't heard any talks of Kim beating anyone to a pulp. She's got black hair, with dark brown streaks it looks, that goes past her shoulder, and bangs that hang in front of her brown eyes. Her whole demeanor screams 'confident', as if nothing would really worry her that much, at least nothing she couldn't easily handle. Why can't I be like that? Why can't I just be so confident nothing worries me? Everything worries me!

But I finally nod at her and glance at Andrew, who seems to be having a ball, laughing away with the other Hufflepuff, Marx, and Professor Flitwick, who seems to be making his rounds to each pair. We had a way to go.

"Hey, what's this?" Kim suddenly says, making me turn back as she grabs ahold of my necklace, clearly not bothering to see if I minded, and opened it. "Oh, from your beloved _boyfriend_, yea? You two were cute as kids,: she comments, closing it and letting it fall back to my neck.

I frown. "Do you know like Sirius?" I ask, wondering why my 'beloved boyfriend' is just such a hot topic with her. And the way she said it, sort of sarcastic, made me wonder if she had something against him. Though I wouldn't really be surprised...

She shrugs and shakes her head. "No, I've got nothing against him; friends of mine do, but... Eh, I don't really care. He hasn't done anything to me personally. I do this to everyone, make sarcastic remarks; don't take it to heart." Well that's a little surprising actually. I haven't met a ton of Slytherins who _don't_ want to hand Sirius by his toes from the Astronomy tower and hex him to death. I suppose it's a good thing she just like to tease me then? "And I just think your story's hilarious. With the ball and all, it's great," she says, shaking her head as that smirk comes back. Feisty, that's how I can describe her to people. Because, despite the 'cool' demeanor, her words do have a bit of 'bite' to them, I suppose is how I can put it. And I'm sure she'd be just lovely in an argument. She's not so bad, though. 'Exceeds expectations' to say the least.

"Well, um... thank you..?" I say, and she nods.

"So, what do you think we've got to do? Hope it'll be easy. Not a lot of work..."

As if planned, Professor Flitwick comes around to us and explains our little project. "Alright you two, today you'll be practicing the color change charm, page 47 of your books, that we learned last week. Once you both think you've got it perfectly, come and show me to receive credit," he says with a warning sort of look, as if telling us to get along, before changing it to a smile and walking off. Though, honestly, I don't think we'll have a problem getting along. Or rather, it's a possibility. Kim doesn't seem like someone I'd hate. Though I'm sure it'd be hell to be on her bad side...

I set to pulling out my book and my wand. Of course I know the charm perfectly, but well, sometimes it's best not to look like a charms nerd. Kim crosses her arms and looks smug, yet again. "Do you like purple?"

"Do I... what?" Purple's a nice color, sure, but what's that got to do with anything?

She shrugs and doesn't respond, pulling out her wand and aiming it at me.

"Er, Kim, do you know the spell...?"

"Course I do," she grins, waving her wand and saying the spell; crisp, clear, and correct.

By the sound of her laughter though I don't think my eyebrows are their normal color. If they're purple, which I can only assume they are, I will strangle her.

"Oh Merlin that's great! Bet your boyfriend'll _love_ it!" She laughs, pointing at me. Really, pointing and laughing? I thought that was just in the books...

"Kim, did you _change my eyebrows purple?_" I practically shriek, lunging for any reflective surface. Yep, they are bright amethyst purple, bright as day. It's like having blue hair all over again! People just can't stand my natural hair color clearly. "I can't believe you! We're not supposed to do _that_!" Oh, where's my wand?

As I am it at myself to change me back, Kim takes it from me. She took my wand! Mine! Give it back! "Kim, give me that! It's mine!"

"I know, but you don't think I'm going to just let you whip yourself back to normal, do you? I haven't enjoyed this enough."

I see why she's in Slytherin.

"No, but you've had enough fun for my taste. So, just, give it back. Unless you'd like to do it yourself."

"Why would I do that? No, no, I think I'll watch you suffer." She starts chuckling again. Yea, laugh at my pain.

I grit my teeth and my purple eyebrows furrow. She makes a comment about how Sirius would oh-so-happily change me back, and I think I might tackle her. "Kim, change me back _now_, or Merlin help me, I will _strangle_ you so you can't make any more comments about my damn '_precious_' boyfriend!" No more laughing for her.

She doesn't make a move to give me my wand, but just sort of stares at me, almost surprised and then slowly nods. "Well, that's more like it. Finally get angry at me. And people say Slytherins are the only ones with a temper," she says with a sly looking grin, tossing my wand back to me.

I roll my eyes and mutter the spell, changing my eyebrows back to their natural color and toss her a glare.

"Ooh, maybe you hold grudges too." Yes, we do, we aren't all nice and cuddly. Whatever gave you that impression...

I've decided Kim is one of those people you have a love/hate relationship with. Sometimes she's a lovely chap, joking and bantering and all casual fun, and then other times you want to just wrap your hands around her neck and squeeze until she pops. I wonder if she knows Ginger Martin, or if she's 'friends' with her. I wouldn't think so. Kim doesn't seem the type to deal with all her shit, but who knows?

She sighs and twirls her wand around her fingers. "So, I think we've got that spell down," she says with a grin, and looks to Professor Flitwick. "But now there's a line. Eh, we can wait 'til it dies down." She shrugs, propping her feet up again on the back of the desk in front of her. "You know, you really aren't so bad. I mean, obviously people in my house talk shit about you and your mates and all, but I never really cared much. You don't seem so bitchy, then again I haven't really gotten to know you that well," she says, rather calmly. "Though I will say I understand why some people don't like Potter, or your boyfriend. I know you probably think different, but they aren't the nicest blokes in Hogwarts. 'Specially not to my house. 'Spose they've gotten a little better, handing about you and Evans, but..." she shrugs again and sighs. "Still doesn't excuse their behavior. I understand needing to pick a fight once and while, to get all your frustration out, but I think it's safe to say that those two must've gone through some pretty fucked up things to want to pick fights every other week. Or, well, used to."

Thinking about what she said, the way she said it, just made it so true. Maybe I've been ignoring it for so long because I've been mates with them for so long, and now I'm dating Sirius, that maybe I don't want to come to that realization. But, even so, I can't excuse what they've done, and I don't know how I could possibly change it. Sirius sort of does what he wants. And, even thought, indirectly, he might be spending more time with me and thus less with the Slytherins, it's not changing who he is. And what if I do? Try to change him, I mean? Even if it helps him to stop fighting with them, would it change other parts of him? I'm not doing that, making Sirius out to be some sort of clay I can mold to the perfect image.

Though as I think this through, I can't help wonder if she means Sna- er, Severus. Is she mates with him? James clearly believes he has reason to go after him most, and Sirius probably doesn't care that much who he's picking his battles with from that house. I don't think Kim and him could be anything more than potential mates, what with him and Lily's past issues. But even though, did she feel resentment towards the marauders, because of Sna-Severus? But, maybe she doesn't even associate with him at all and I'm speculating about nothing. Who knows. It's not like Severus was the only Slytherin they ever hexed.

"Hey, you still in there, Alex? No day dreamin' about your mutt of a boyfriend are you?" Kim cuts into my thoughts.

"What? Oh, um, yea..." I mumble out, shaking my head.

"Whatcha thinking about? Don't tell me it was some steamy fantasy about—"

"No, no no no... Nothing like that at all. Really, nothing." I shake my head furiously, sure my cheeks had turned bright red.

I hadn't thought about it like that... How many other people thought my spacing out were dreams about Sirius? Merlin, I hope not many... Maybe I really should look into not spacing out so much, especially around Kim it seemed. She seems far too keen on finding any reason to bring him up and make me flustered. Like _that's _where the pleasure comes from. Not Quidditch like James, or classwork like Remus, but making people flustered. Not the best thing, if you ask me, but I suppose there are worse things out there.

"Well if it's really nothing, then you can tell me. Right?"

"But, it's not important, I don't see why you'd want to know—"

"Then it's not nothing. If it's nothing, as you keep saying it is, then what does it matter if I know?"

Hmph. Smart arse... "Fine, maybe it is something. And I don't know if I feel up to sharing. No, we should practice—" She cuts me off again. Seems she has a knack for doing that too.

"Oh, please, Alex... we both know we can perform the spell just fine. I mean, you got your eyebrows back, eh?" She quipped.

"I 'spose... Then maybe we should go show Flitwick, for our grade."

"Fine," she sighs, like getting up was such a hassle. "But I get to cast the spell first," she smiled, and I just rolled my eyes. But the way she smiled wasn't evil, like every other Slytherin's smile seemed to be, but actually friendly. Were we mates? I wouldn't say enemies, turning my eyebrows purple wasn't _that_ bad I guess, but... mates? Maybe acquaintances. We'll see.

xXx

I'll admit, I'm quite the oblivious person. It shouldn't come as a surprise then, as I was walking along, that I missed Rachel's owl flying about.

I'm walking through the corridors after charms, Kim and I of course, performing the color change charm perfectly, as my eyebrows once again are their normal color, and finding ourselves in better spirits, I suppose, with each other than earlier. She really isn't so bad, once you accept the fact that she wasn't out to get you, and learn to just let her antics go, and by that I mean just let her turn your eyebrows colors and turn them back later. Accept that, then you can get along with her just fine.

So we emerge from class, chatting away, and the faint sound of an owl hooting isn't really my concern. I don't normally get many owls, Astrid's also incredibly lazy whenever I do need her, so I suppose I didn't think that that owl was for me.

"It think it's for you," Kim says, stopping and pointing at the small barn owl, flapping it's wings frantically, trying to catch up to me.

"Oh, Llarl!" I say, my eyes lighting up. Don't ask about the name, it's a long story that genuinely left me confused about the owl for days after Rachel told me. I just left it be.

I haven't heard from Rachel all holiday. And holiday ended a week ago... I've gotten a few bits out of Remus, begrudgingly, but not nearly what I want. We need our own journals, honestly. Remus is usually pretty good about sharing and being nice and all that, but when it comes to that journal it's like his child. I can't touch it, see it, be in the same room... Okay, fine, that last was a joke. But really, he said I couldn't look or write to Rachel in it, he'd just tell me what I wanted to know and that's that. Mr. Stuffy...

I grab the letter after Llarl dropped it at my feet, and tear it open. Kim claps her hands together. "Well, I got places to me, people to see, all that stuff. Give your boyfriend my regards," she grins, waving as she walks off.

I nod distractedly and give a half-hearted wave as I open the letter. Llarl flies off again and I pull out a thick piece of parchment with Rachel's scrawled but always neat, handwriting.

_Alex,_

_As I'm sure you've noticed, I haven't returned to Hogwarts after holiday ended. I'd been planning on being back, but there's been a few issues with transportation back to school. (But between you and me, I really don't mind the delay) I've written McGonagall about it, at my parents request (and them breathing down my neck as I wrote), and it seems I might not be back for another week. (Again, still don't mind much.)_

_I'd ask you to take extra notes in the classes we share but, well, I'm sure after a day or so you'd give up and eventually ask someone who did take good notes for a copy. Though I'd like you to watch over Llarl for me, as he has to stay in Hogwarts until I return. Him and Astrid will get along fine I'm sure. He can be as lazy as you say she is sometimes..._

_How was your holiday? Remus told me all about your little stunt with Alder. Haven't I told you that something like this would happen one of these days? I'm sure I have, but I'm sure you didn't listen. We'll have a detailed conversation about it when I get back. You aren't worming your way out of that one Alex, you know I'll remember and bug you about it every chance I get until you cave. And you will, because you love me. Remus also mentioned the necklace, and a few things about Sirius too, and how much he likes that scrapbook. Has he told you? Remus says he's constantly flipping through it before bed, chuckling to himself. If you ask me, I think it'd be hilarious to see him laughing to himself. Sirius doesn't often look off his rocker like that does he? Hm... Remus said a few things about James and Lily too. It seemed you all had a smashing time, then. Minus the accident Christmas morning (Told you I wouldn't forget)._

_You should have written me about it, then it wouldn't be a hassle. What would you do without me Alex? I don't understand how you managed all of holiday without me. Must've missed me terribly..._

_My parents wish you a Happy Christmas, along with my cousin, who says your name like 'Ales Mawreckess'. She's the cutest thing ever, she'll be loads of fun when she gets to Hogwarts. Eventually... _

_Anyway, I'll tell you more about my holiday when I return (I'll give you something to look forward to besides that long conversation about Alder), but I told Remus to, nicely, answer any questions. I have a feeling he doesn't want to share anything to do with the journal, but he'll get over it. Hopefully. Though I'm happy he likes it so much._

_I'll see you soon,_

_Rachel xx_


	22. Cold Shoulders and Waterworks

**A/N: ...Hi. I know, I know, it's way past my two month limit. And again, I can say the same excuses about being busy (June is so packed, my god), but really, I'm the laziest person ever. Really. Ask any of my friends they will tell you, it's awful. This chapter is really long, and took a lot of revising in my part, but it's finally got some good points to it, and also SWEARING. THERE IS SWEARING, IN CASE ANYONE REALLY NEEDS A WARNING (I'm sure by now you've all accepted that I swear and don't need telling but hey. You know what.)**

**So I'm proud of this, and also not. Proud because it's LONG, and GOOD, and I think you'll all like it. Not because it took FOREVER to type and I apologize profusely for it.**

**Kudos to Kat, for being my writing buddy and also yelling at me to get my shit together. It must've worked.**

**I've gotta dedicate this chapter though, to my amazing friend Taryn. For not only letting me rant on and on about my dumb character and her issues, how writing is hard and I'm lazy, my life in general, but also for riding me into giving me an actual deadline. WHICH I MADE, BY THE WAY. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY. So, anyways, here's to Taryn. Hope you enjoy this :)**

* * *

**Chapter 22: Cold Shoulders and Waterworks**

**One moth, two weeks and three days later.**

You think Lily, being such the brill mate that she is, would not let me sleep late, despite that I do enjoy sleep quite a bit. I don't like being late to class more than I enjoy sleeping in. But clearly that wasn't the case, as I'm still in my dorm rushing to get ready, since I still need breakfast before lessons. And I like to enjoy my food and not scarf it down.

Grabbing my bag, cloak, and stuffing my feet into my shoes, and deciding I could brush my hair later, I rush out. Ugh, I feel like a mess when I'm in a hurry. I blame Lily for all this... No one is left in the common room by time I stumble down the steps, of course, and I barge right out of the portrait hole-

-And right into Lloyd Marlow, a 7th year in my house. "Ah sorry, should've been paying more attention..." I say, shaking my head and taking a step back, off his feet.

"It's alright, suppose I shouldn't be waiting for Jen in the doorway," he says, waving it off and turning tithe sound of footsteps on the stairs.

"Jen? Jen Madigan? I think she's in my Potions class..."

A girl with just-past-the-shoulders brown hair, brown eyes, and Ravenclaw robes appears at the top o the stairs. A smile spreads across Lloyd's face at the sight I her, and they just sort of look at each other a moment, all love-like and star struck. Sirius and I don't do that... Do we? No we're not the mushy kind... But still, it was kind of sweet.

She turns to me and looks me over. "Yea, you sit on the opposite side of the room, by James Potter. We don't really get paired up or anything."

I nod. She had that sort of face that you recognized, but couldn't quite place until she told you. She turned to Lloyd, "Sorry I'm late, Xenophilius was going on about rackspurts again and it took a while to get him to move out of the way of the door..." to which Lloyd chuckled and simply waved it off, as if this Xenophilius character was always brought up in this way, and wrapped an arm protectively around Jen's shoulders, kissing her cheek. She seemed to positively glow at this.

I sort of started to feel like the awkward third wheel and started towards the stairs down. "Well, nice to see you again, Jen. I'll see you in Potions. And sorry for stepping your foot." I say to the both of them, but it already seems like they were in their own little world without me.

I smile and head back down, not running anymore. I could bring toast with me to class, I didn't need to run. Running was more work anyways. Funny, how something like that can change how you feel about things, like running to your breakfast.

As I enter the Great Hall though, my mood takes a dip. Maybe I'm bipolar and I don't know it. Awful lot of mood swings. I couldn't blame Lily for that though, Hogwarts in general can't be ruled out though...

In the usual place at the Gryffindor table, James is in a conversation with a boy who looks to be a year or two younger than James, which confuses me, and then I pick up choice words such as 'snitch', 'quaffle', and 'damn Slytherin beaters', and can safely assume the boys on the Quidditch team. Or the avid fan. Remus and Rachel are sitting a little ways down from them, talking animatedly. Yea, we had quite the discussion, Rachel and I, when she returned, after I put it off for days. Not long enough if you ask me, but... She says we still haven't covered everything she wants. Ugh, this is what happens when Rachel's not around. I haven't even heard much about her holiday yet, we've been so busy talking about yours truly...

But sort of in the middle of the pairs, sits my _dashing_ boyfriend, looking very awkward and maybe a little panicky as a tall, thin, busty red-headed Hufflepuff hands all over him like he's a coat rack. Excuse me, paws off, that's my hunk of Gryffindor. Go find your own thanks.

With a huff and furrowed eyebrows, I walk over to the, setting my bag down on the table with a very audible 'thump'. Sirius immediately looks at me, the panic growing on his face. I start to wonder if the panic I see is from being around what's-her-face, or from being _caught_ with her. I thought he might have been brighter than to cheat on me, at the very least bright enough not to do it in public.

"Alex! There you are! I was... was worried!" he says, trying to release himself from her grip, standing and coming over to me. "My _beautiful_ and _very_ understanding girlfriend." He adds, hugging me tightly.

"What the fu-"

"Save me!"

"Sirius," the Hufflepuff whines, pouting at his back as I see over his shoulder. "We were talking, it's rude to interrupt. Come back here."

I look at Sirius with an expression mixed with annoyance, anger, a little bit of remorse, and lots of disappointment. And, well, maybe I am a little hurt... But it could be worse; he could be soaking up her attention, instead of hugging me and looking panicked. I sigh and turn to the ditz. "Go away." Pretty lame way to tell her off, sure. But I wasn't really in the mood to go on a rampage. Bipolar, I'm telling you.

She didn't seem to be up to moving. "I was talking to _my _Sirius first. It's been _so_ long since we... 'talked'." She said, looking at him and giggling.

Gross. "Yea, well, tough. He's not _yours_, and you certainly can't _'talk'_." I snap, putting lots of air quotes and emphasis on 'talk'. I've no issue knowing he shagged whatever her name is, but I _do_ mind her insinuating they will again. Yea, if anyone's shagging him, it's going to be _me_. ...You know, if it were, um, an option...

She huffed and crossed her arms. "You don't have the right to tell him who he can and can't talk to me. Maybe he _wants_ to talk to me."

I stand there for a moment, briefly frozen. That can't be true, right? Of course not. Panic, he looked panicked, that can't mean she's right... Then I swallow and furrow my eyebrows, the two of us both turning to look at Sirius. 'Come on,' I think, 'Just tell her off like the strong bloke you're supposed to be...' He really needs his girlfriend to tell someone off?

Sirius runs a hand through his hair, glancing between us. "You know, Amber, I think I'm just going to hang about with Alex," he says, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and pulling me in close to him.

She narrows her eyes at me, so she does have other expressions, and storms off.

"Alex, thank you, I-"

"You couldn't just tell her to bugger off on your own?"

"She wouldn't listen! You heard her!"

"Oh, I'm pretty sure if you were adamant about telling her, she would've listened to anything _her Sirius _said."

"Come on, you know I wasn't enjoying that, it was practically abuse."

I cross my arms and raise an eyebrow, as if to say 'Really?' and he sighs. "Alex, please. I told you, I've loved you since second year, do you really think I'm going to happily enjoy someone else's affection when I finally have you all to myself?"

My mind flickers to the possibility that, yes, he very well could, let's not forget his life previous to dating me. It's not like he had the best track record with girls, and I've always been wary about it. But... he has been better, with me, I suppose. I force back a sigh and let my arms drop back to my sides. "I'm sorry. I know. I just... Still adjusting, I guess," I mumble with a shrug.

He nods and wraps his arms around me, hugging me a moment as the Great Hall starts to clear out for classes that start soon. I suddenly don't feel like rushing to class, standing here forever sounds lovely to me. I feel like it's been a long day already, and I haven't even had one lesson yet. Why do I feel as if this will become the norm for m? Sirius really makes my life stressful, doesn't? Though maybe that's the norm for him, stress, or making people stressed. How has James put up with it for this long.

"...I should go. Professor Binns doesn't like anyone being late," Sirius finally says, pulling away slightly, looking down at me. "Alright then, Alex?"

Looking back up at him I manage a smile. "Yea, I'm fine. Rushed this morning, puts me in a frazzled mood..." Which is true, though I doubt it's really the reason for this little event.

He nods. "Alright, see you in Divination then?"

I nod and smiled. "Yea, 'course." I bend up and peck his lips. "See you then." Walking out separate ways, I feel somewhat relieved, but also like a cloud was following us around, we've only managed to peek through to the sun every once and a while. Staying in that light'll be more than just a challenge.

xXx

Two classes down, off to charms I go. Apparently we're doing more partner work. I guess it's nothing to complain about, but I find it sort of funny that we do so little solo work in charms, but so much of it in all my other classes. Well, Flitwick is getting older, I suppose, and pair groups cut assignments in half, less to grade. I'd do partner work too if I was a teacher.

I get to class before Andrew arrives, and before Kim. I hadn't realized I was looking for her until I noticed her absence. I take my seat and pull out whatever I might need for class; quill, ink, parchment.

"Eager for class?"

Andrew isn't usually not early for class. It's amazing I got here first out of the pair of us.

"Hello Andrew. Have a good morning?" I ask without turning as he sits beside me.

"Yea, I suppose. Eggs were good and all. You?"

"If 'eventful' is a synonym for 'good', then I have a _very_ good morning."

I guess I sound a little too bitter as Andrew hesitates, biting at his lip. "... What happened?"

'Nothing' I want to say, because really, it is nothing. Water under the bridge and all, yea? But that doesn't stop me from still feeling pissed about it. "It's really not a big deal. I'm sure I'm making it out to be more than a petty argument, but..."

"Argument? With who? Rachel?"

"No, not Rachel, Sir—"

"Take your seats please! If you're all quiet, maybe I'll let you pick your partners for today's activity. Mr. Fischer! Please, stop talking!"

Pick our partners? I look at Andrew, and he looks back at me; we both smile. Finally. I think I've had enough of 'assigned partners', though I suppose Kim wasn't so bad compared to the rest... Still, it's about time I got a partner I don't argue with. Besides, I can finish my conversation this way. Complain and all, like usual.

"Now, I will let you choose _if_ you don't just talk all class. You will need to list the proper uses of the scouring charm, and write _both_ of the incantations at the top of your parchment!"

Professor Flitwick then waves his hands at us and the class starts moving. Andrew and I simply turn to one another, quill and parchment ready. He's already written the incantations on his parchment and a proper use, what a smart bloke.

"So, you got into an argument with Black then. About what?" he asks, scribbling down something else.

"'Scuse me, you're in my seat."

We both look up at Kim, staring down at Andrew. "I'm sorry?"

"Apology accepted, now move it." She says, then sighs as he doesn't budge. "I'm working with Alex, so I believe you're in my seat."

"Wait, Alex what—"

"Why do you want to work with me?" I ask, cutting Andrew off. Which I suppose was a bit rude, but I can't take it back now.

"We have things to discuss, and this is the only time I see you, and when I can be bothered to grace you with my presence," she says with a smile. Yes, grace, that's the word I'd use. "So, move along, you and Alex can catch up later. Looks like Mr. Fischer doesn't have a partner yet anyways. Everyone wins, yea?"

I give Andrew a look of apology, and he sighs, looking somewhat downcast, mixed with annoyance that I don't blame him for, and gathers his things, standing. "I'll talk to you alter, alright Andrew?"

"Yea, sure, whatever..." he mumbles icily as he walks off, Kim taking his seat with a thump and a smile. I turn to her with a frown.

"That was rude."

"I told you, I don't have other time to spare—"

"Make time!"

She waves her hand. "Eh, it's done with now. Quick, write something down like we're working."

I can't tell if she's just being lazy, having me write, or bossy. I think a combination of the two. I write the incantations down on my own parchment, and one of the uses Andrew had down as Flitwick makes his rounds, pausing at us a moment before moving on.

"So, what? What do you need to talk to me about, that's so important?"

"Don't sound bitter, it's not a good tone for you Alex.

Two house points to me for an eye roll and sigh combo. I've been getting more and more bitter lately, or maybe people are getting more and more irritating... I write some other uses down and set my quill aside. "Alright, fine. Lovely morning, Kim? What reasons do you have to '_grace_ my presence'?" I say with fake cheer.

She grins, pointing at my plastic smile. "There you go! Now, reasons... I had quite the prime view of your _dashing_ boyfriend this morning, and a girl that was so _obviously_ not you. Would you care to clarify?"

Sometimes I forget how quickly things happen and circulate at Hogwarts, and how I don't actually escape the radar like I think. I wish my life just didn't need to be part of anyone's conversation sometimes. Is this popularity? I don't like it. I'd rather have infamy than this.

"May I ask why you were observing the Gryffindor table this fine morning?" I ask with a raised eyebrow.

She shrugs. "I was a little tired of the mumbled hatred for other students and teachers at the Slytherin table, and like I said, there was a prime view. But, of course, soon as you show up and things get interesting, a group of 3rd years block my view. So what'd you do? Strangle him? Result to muggle fighting? Or stick with hexes and curses? Personally, I think it'd be hilarious to see you go all bloody out on him, muggle style, but I dunno. So what happened? Was there blood? You at least got a whack on him, yea?"

Is it normal for someone to be so excited about a potential fight, muggle or magical, and blood? If not, Kim might need a trip to St. Mungo's... "It was nothing. Petty argument. Nothing more. No blood, no need to dwell on it."

"Sounds like you're telling _yourself_ that, not me. Sure it was just a 'petty argument', Alex?"

Yes, it was. Can't possibly be worth more thought. It doesn't matter to Kim anyways, right?

"C'mon, tell me, I can be your uh... 'confidant'. That's the word, yea? So tell me everything. What'd he do, that mutt of a boyfriend, and how _awful_ it made you feel."

"He's not a mutt, Kim. He's a boy," I mumble out with a small sigh. Though, I find it ironic how she doesn't even know how true 'mutt' might be for Sirius. "And, it really was nothing. Not something I _should_ give much thought to—"

"But you do."

Yes, I do. It's been on my mind all day, during both my classes and lunch, just before now, where I didn't see any of the marauders. It... it _irks_ me, bothers me, I don't know. That inkling that it's not just water under the bridge.

"But I should. Even if I do, I shouldn't. Technically, it isn't a big deal, yet I care anyway. It's damn annoying..." I tell her, giving up on the task at hand and move my parchment to the edge of my desk, going to run a hand through my hair.

"Well, I'd love to help, but seeing as I don't know a bloody thing about what happened..."

"Do you care? Or just want the gossip?" I snap. I know, the middle of charms is not the time to be letting out your frustration or anything, but Kim got me thinking about it. So now I want to talk. And, generally, I would like to talk to someone who actually gives two shits about what I have to say, and not that Kim might not, but I'd rather be reassured that she does.

"No, I care. But, it's hard to give feedback on a rant when you don't know what went down to cause said rant. Give me the short version then. I'm sure your rant can fill in the details as you go," she says, shaking her head and shrugging, looking back at me with a look of actual sincerity. So she is capable of other feelings beside snarkiness, good to know.

"...Alright, then. You saw the beginning. Then I showed up. He... wasn't dying to be in his current situation, but well, it didn't look like he was trying so _very _hard to escape her clutches. He made me do it, tell her off." I pause here, pursing my lips, choosing my words carefully. I'm trying this new thing where I try not to spit out whatever venom comes to my mind. "I just think that perhaps if he didn't want that slut hanging on him, that he actually cared, he'd manage to do what I did. Why does he need me? To cower behind your girlfriend isn't really a good quality to have, if you ask me. And he's... he's all 'oh she wouldn't listen'. _Please_, she would've Dumbledore up the Astronomy Tower if he'd asked her, she was wrapped around his finger so tight." I realize my talking drops from a normal tone, to bitterness, to unhappy grumbling.

"Maybe he's afraid."

"Afraid of what? A Hufflepuff girl? What's she going to do, not ogle him anymore? Oh, what a _shame_, a true loss for him."

"While I applaud the use of sarcasm there, I'm being serious. See... you probably know his past better than I do, but he was quite the sleep around, or, er... 'friendly' bloke. Made lots of 'friends'. And when he finally grew some bullocks and gave it up for you- how touching –it was quite he change. Not just for his 'friends'- you do know I'm not talking about Potter or Lupin yea? –but for him Think of it like smoking. Even when you say you'll stop, you're addicted, your brain is wired that you want, _need_, more. Maybe it's like that. Not that he doesn't love you or anything, but it's hard to just quit something like that, that he's been going at for so long. He's afraid of slipping back to his old ways. I'm no expert, no Professor Trelawney, no 'inner eye' shit, but I do think he's just worried something like that'll send him over, and obviously break your little heart. Tragic. So, afraid."

We both sat there, for a while. Her just sort of watching me as I took that all in, staring off into space as the class moved around me. I hadn't thought of it that way... Afraid of himself? Is that the way to put it? It seems so illogical at first, Sirius actually having a battle with himself, but the more I think about it, turn it over in my head, the more it makes sense. It also makes me think more about our situation. Did I really think it would be so simple for Sirius to just drop his old life like a stone and jump ship onto the 'S.S. Relationship' without looking back? If I did, that was incredibly stupid of me. I should've have, because I should know that'd be difficult.

"Alex? Still with me, cause I'm not giving you mouth to mouth. I could call Andrew over here, though..."

Gee, thanks. Way to kill my train of thought and respect for your respect of my boyfriend. Nice. "No, yea, I'm fine... Don't do that, Kim. What'd we _just _talk about?"

She shrugs and raises her hands, as if defending herself. "What? Now allowed to poke fun?"

xXx

It seems things have mulled over now. Sirius made plenty of time to spend with me, how nice, though I'm unsure if it's just because he loves me or if he's trying to reassure me. But, really, it _is_ nice, and it feels like time is flying by, instead of the snail-pace it seemed to move those few days ago.

So, things _were_ just dandy, 'til Andrew decided to just suddenly get sick with pneumonia. Fucking _pneumonia_. What, was he sleeping in the freezer in the kitchens? I hear they're by the Hufflepuff common room.

It's not fun, really. He's miserable. I heard during breakfast one day and went right up to see him. He's horribly pale, bundled up like a Christmas present in blankets and sheets, with a nose that will not stop running, droopy red eyes from not being able to sleep, due to the, what I like to call, shiver attacks. It's shivering, but violently, shaking almost. Like if the shiver was multiplied by fifty, and lasted like three times as long than a normal shiver. It's awful to see... I feel like he's caught his death, but Madam Pomfrey says he'll be fine. Or, well she actually says something like 'Don't be ridiculous, he won't _die_. What on Earth are you thinking that for?' with a frown and an eye roll. Sorry I worry.

He can't do anything, obviously, as he's been bed-ridden as long as he's still this bad, so I've actually started taking pretty detailed notes in charms, so he can get caught up when he's better, along with other friends, Hufflepuffs, in his other classes. I bring him soup almost every day, or other assorted foods from the Great Hall if he asks. I tell him all the time I'd do anything he needs, seeing as he can't do it, and be like his double around Hogwarts, but he keeps saying I shouldn't be waiting on him hand and foot. But I'm not! I feel like after all he's done for me; from when I don't pay attention to giving me Transfiguration notes, I owed it to him to take some care of him.

Though, it's quite time consuming... Sirius points that out often, usually when I'm about to bring him soup. But, like I said, I owe it to him. And it's not like I'm usually very busy to begin with. And when I'm crunched for time, I manage better, managing my time and setting it out so I don't manage to fail all my classes and kill Andrew.

"You're spending too much time up there," Sirius says once again as I come into the common room after visiting Andrew. "With him."

He's started to refuse saying Andrew's name, and saying 'him' like he's a disease within itself. I roll my eyes. "He's got a name, and no I'm not. He's got pneumonia, Sirius, he's miserable, lying there all the time. Visitors are appreciated, I'm sure."

Sirius sighs and shakes his head as I sit beside him on the couch by the fire. "He's not going anywhere, Alex. You don't have to see him every day. When's the last time you talked to Lily? Rachel? Even had a decent conversation with _me_?"

Oh. So it's not about Andrew, it's about him. Of course. I shouldn't be upset though. I guess it's fair to feel like I've abandoned him for Andrew. But I think he should understand. I know he's never been _that_ fond of Andrew, but he's a mate of mine, and shouldn't your boyfriend respect your mates? Yes, they should, you don't see me whacking James every time he's a prat, do you? "I'm sorry you feel as I'm not paying you enough attention-"

"That's not what I-"

"-but I can't devote all my time to you. Andrew's like Rachel, or Lily, or James. Like any other mate, and when your mates get sick, or hurt, you tend to dote on them a bit." I ignore his interruption and keep talking. Interrupting, another not-so-great quality he has. "James does it with you. You should understand better than anyone, yet I think you understand the least."

"James' and my situation is different; you can't bring that into this conversation. You don't see how you spend most of your day in class or up in that Wing with that Andrew bloke? Bet Rachel does. D'you know _I_ am talking to her more often than you, while he's been sick? Nothing against her, but we really have nothing in common. And she's been coming to me to talk. About anything. Class, her family, even Remus sometimes. And you. She starts talking about you now and again. 'Where's Alex been?', 'She coming down soon?', 'Why hasn't she been talking to me?' ...And I don't know. I don't know what to tell her because I know telling her you're too fucking busy coddling that badger boy to come have at least a fraction of a conversation with her would upset her quite a bit. Did _you_ know Rachel's making plans to have Remus meet her family? I do. She told me. She'd tell you I bet if you bothered to stick around and care about your other mates. I understand taking care of a sick mate. But this? This is blowing off all your other mates and... and boyfriends, for some other guy. I know you haven't known him as long as me, or Rachel. She misses you. She's a quiet girl, she doesn't open up to just anyone, and she opened up to you. How do you think she feels when you don't talk to her for a week? How do you think _I _feel? _I_ miss you. I get the lucky end of it, between Rachel and I. You're in my house. I get maybe a 'hello' in the morning, or a 'goodnight' before bed, the chance kiss between trips. Bloody hell, people ask me if we split, Alex! Of course I say no, but people have plenty of damn evidence to say otherwise to the rest of the fucking school. Hell, if I wasn't me, I'd believe them."

He stops, pursing his lips and looking away from her, hand in his hair as his expression read more than just 'hurt'.

"Sirius..." I couldn't seem to find the right words, I was at such a loss.

"Alex, I'm not tell you what you can and can't do. I just..." he swallows, and takes my hands in his. "I miss you. You devote all your time to him, and I understand he's got pneumonia, but I don't want you ignoring me, or Rachel. Giving... Giving anyone reason to think we did split. I love you. I'd like to be able to show you I do. It's a bit hard when I see you once a day, maybe more if I'm lucky." He laces our fingers and sighs softly. "Just something to think about, alright? G'night, love."

He kisses my cheek and stands to go, his fingers slipping out of mine. "No, don't I... I didn't know. I'm sorry, don't go. I didn't mean to... to ignore you. I guess I just... didn't notice, I didn't see anything was wrong, but I didn't mean it... Please, Sirius."

He stops walking and turns back around to face me as I stand off the couch. Do you ever get that feeling of utter heart break at someone's face, and their expression just kills you, because they just look so sad, or angry, whatever it is? I have that feeling look at Sirius now. He just looks so... shattered.

He pauses, chewing at his lip, his hand planted in his hair as he studies me, then opens his arms. "Come here."

I don't hesitate to rush into his arms, wrapping my own around his neck and burying my face into him. His arms go around my waist and his face in my hair. I could feel him take a deep breath against me, sighing, his breathing hot against my skin.

"I'm sorry—"

"Don't apologize."

"But—"

"No buts, it's alright. I know."

I feel like I should argue, 'if you know, why'd you go off on me for so long?', but I know I shouldn't. Sirius does know, and maybe he just needed to let off some steam. And, I don't blame him for using this argument as a way to let it out. I realize that if I'm giving him a reason to build up tension, I'm not doing such a brill job of being a girlfriend. Good girlfriends don't give their boyfriends reason to be angry and have a rant like that. My eyes prickle with tears, and I clutch Sirius tighter. I'm not a crier, things don't usually make me cry, and I try to force the tears away.

"I'm sorry for shouting. I was just upset, angry... And James doesn't deserve my bitter feeling, but neither do you, even though I know you think you do. Just... promise me you'll spend some time with me, and Rachel. Give that Hospital Wing some time along, Alright?"

I nod right away. "Of course... Andrew's probably sick of me anyways..."

"No one could possibly get sick of you, Alex."

xXx

The next day I decide to tell Andrew a very short, sweet explanation of why I won't be coming round so often. I know he likes my company, but I'm sure he'd rather see someone else's face at some point. Despite what Sirius thinks, I'm sure you would get sick of me eventually.

So I'm heading up to the Hospital Wing now, with Andrew's favorite treat from Honeydukes, a standard carton of Betie Botts Every Flavour Beans, and blood lollies. I've never understood the blood lollies, because I mean, _blood_, but he says they taste like cherry to him, and they're always in stock. I might've begged Sirius to get the stuff for me, as I just know him and James and Remus know some sort of passage to Honeydukes, and made him leave some sickles behind. He says they wouldn't even notice a few lollies and a box of beans missing from storage, but I'm not one for stealing. I'm hoping maybe he'll be too distracted by the candy to care much about my words. Sirius also says he can't be that distraught over the simple fact that I just won't be seeing him so often, and I know that, but still. Maybe he will be, maybe I just don't want him questioning me, who knows...

I walk up to Madam Pomfrey, opening my mouth to once again say I'm here for Andrew, but she just waves her hand. "Go on, you know what bed he's in." Glad she caught on.

He spots me right away and smiles, trying to sit up. _He_ should catch on that sitting up is not a idea. "Nope, lie down. I tell you every time."

Andrew sighs softly and settles back down into his cocoon of blankets. "I'm not _that _sick," he says in a low mumble.

"You have pneumonia, Andrew, an uncommon sickness unless you're out trying to catch it in the middle of winter. You're still freezing cold—"

"Pomfrey says I'm getting warmer."

"...Regardless, don't strain yourself." Before he could argue more, I bring out the sweets. "Brought you something, just don't eat it all at once, yea?"

The minimal 'anger' he might've had melts off his face and he gapes. "What'd you do to get this stuff?" he asks, astonished as he reaches out and grabs at a blood lolly. I set the beans and other lollies at the bed side table, smiling and shrugging. "I know a guy."

He looks up at me, narrowing his eyes as he unwraps the candy. "Know a guy? What guy? 3 specific guys in your house, known for their pranks and shenanigans, call themselves 'the marauders'?"

Ah, he's still smart, despite the illness... "Eh, maybe. My lips are sealed," I say, running my fingers across my lips as if sealing them shut. He chuckles at me, shaking his head.

"You didn't have to do that, you know. I'm not dying."

As I've been told many times... "Well, I need to talk to you about something, so—"

"Oh, so you're bribing me?" he asks with a teasing voice. "Smart, Alex."

I smile and shake my head. "It's not a _bribe_, I don't want anything, I just thought it'd be nice."

He seems content with his sucker, and it's quiet for a moment, before he raises his eyebrows. "Well? What's on your mind? You can't just leave me hanging."

I sigh. "Well, I just thought I'd let you know that I, um, probably won't be coming up to see you as often as I have been. Because I'm sort of, unintentionally, neglecting my other mates and, ahem, making them upset about it, by seeing you so often."

He blinks at me. "Okay."

I don't really know what I was expecting him to say, or do, in reaction, but a simple 'okay' wasn't what I thought. Though I do tend to think of extremes usually...

He chuckled at my stunned expression and shook his head. "Alex I'm going to get out of her at some poi—" he cuts himself off with a very loud, hacking cough. "Ugh... at some point. And I didn't ask you to devote your time to me and my sick self. You just have to come round _some_times, not _all_ the time. Did you expect me to be heartbroken?"

"Well, no, but—"

"Oh, Alex! Don't _leave_ me here all _alone_ for so _long_! I can't _bear_ it without your—achoo! –Company!" he wails, pressing the back of his hand to his forehead and falling back against his pillows.

I roll my eyes and shove him, but I can't help a grin. "Yea, okay, alright, thanks for trying to—"

"_What_ is going on here? This boy is ill! He can't be screaming! I'm sorry Miss Marqcues, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave now."

Madam Pomfrey storms in and sounds very frazzled and distraught. And not at all sorry. Well, my apologies for trying to cheer him up. But as if on cue he has another coughing fit, and she shoos me out. "See you later!" I shout to him as I walk out. "No you won't!" he shouts back in a sing-song voice before Madam Pomfrey hushes him.

I make my way downstairs again, walking through the pretty barren corridor through the long way back to the Great Hall, when I spot Rachel coming down the other way.

We both stop, staring at each other a moment. I know what I'm thinking, that I should say something to her, apologize probably, but more than anything I want to know what she's thinking. Does she hate me? Is she mad? Is she just happy to see me? Maybe she'll ignore me, like I've ignored her.

"Rachel, we need to talk."

I speak first, and her expression is very passive, not giving anything a way. Very Ravenclaw of her... She nods and walks a little ways forward, to meet me, and then crosses her arms. Oh, now she looks a little peeved... Which is understandable.

"Sirius told me that you two have been talking and—"

"I thought I deserved a little more respect, and consideration, than an illness."

Well, just go ahead and get to the punch then, hit me where it hurts. "He's got pneumonia, and you understand that—"

"Oh, I understand, in fact I was asked by a friend of his if I'd take notes in Potions, which we share. Did you know that? I thought not. I would've told you, if you allowed yourself a little time to talk to me. ...I'm more than a little hurt, Alex. You know better than anyone that I'm not the most social person out there. I don't have a lot of friends that I can rely on all the time. You were pretty much it. And to know that you'd ditch me, your mate from the start, for someone who was sick and would get better, didn't really help."

"Rachel, please, just listen. I know I was being a complete jerk, ignoring you, and I've talked with Sirius, and Andrew just now, that I'm not going to be devoting this much time to taking care of him, because I've been neglecting you—"

"Neglecting isn't the word I'd use, but carry on."

"—And I want to catch up. I'm sorry, you're my best mate, and I've already done a lot of hating on myself for letting this happen."

I didn't want this again, not a second round of ranting, not a repeat of last night with Sirius. I didn't sleep much of last night anyways, telling myself over and over that it'd be alright, and then all I'd think about is how they must've felt, and oh it was bad. I woke Lily, with my crying, and she didn't hesitate to climb into my four-poster and hold me as I cried, telling me things would work out and I'd fix it tomorrow, what I'm trying to fix now. She's always been that way with me, easy, quick to forgive, but she's seen me at my worst in the common room, I suppose it makes sense. But Rachel's seen me at my worst too, because I come to her distraught and raving and tell her everything, tell her things I probably wouldn't tell Lily, or Remus, or even Sirius.

I stare at her, pleading with my eyes for her to just forgive me and let this all be nothing, pleading that she'll still be the mate I had before I ignored her, and she stares back, assessing me, like Sirius.

"I know you've given yourself enough grief, all you do is beat yourself up about these things, far worse than I or Sirius would. ...You've suffered enough."

She lets her arms drop and walks forward, embracing me into a hug, sighing as I hug her back tightly. "Honestly though Alex, did you really think I wouldn't forgive you? You mess up all the time, I've managed it so far."

I knew there was a reason I let this poor, mad, too-smart-for-her-own-good girl into my compartment that first day on the train.

* * *

**A/N: AHH THINGS.** **So I finally wrote some unhappy parts, because you know, Alex's life was just too happy, dammit. What do you think? Review if you want, don't if don't, do what you want with your life. But thank you for reading :3**


	23. The Meaning of the Word 'Differences'

**A/N: So this is Chapter 23, in which I suck as a human being/writer.**

**... This is the part of the note that I tell you excuses like I'm a mother effing junior with mother effing work and tests and crap. And that I am in company and have to do sets and stuff. And that my mother was in the hospital (she's fine, by the way) and I need to care for her when times arise. And also I'm effing lazy. yea. That time.**

**Uh so it's been months, and I realize that this chapter isn't like SUPER LONG as it should be, it's probably average, but... well I think it's got a lot of emotions in it so. I. Solid. Yea.**

**NOW to the part of the note called the DEDICATION. It's split in 3 ways. To Kat, to Cami, and to Maria.**

**To Kat; ARE YOU HAPPY DAMMIT. ARE. YOU. This is for telling me every time I see you (or, often enough) to get my shit together and just TYPE THIS. Because, hey, it worked yea? The constant remind that I have readers (or do I lol no you all left because I suck) that I need to prove for. Here you go. You're special. Congrats. [Now update yours dammit. Love you xoxo]**

**To Cami; Similar to Kat, minus the hitting and f-bombs, you tell me all the time that I need to type this and that my excuses suck and I'm dumb and all that stuff. (though, just, more profanities. You know how we do, ratchet and all). Thank you giving me those looks of utter approvals in 7th when I tell you I'm trying, because I wasn't. (Also for Eros, because damn I can't stop reading.)**

**And lastly, to Maria; I don't know you very well, despite what I've heard from Cami, but you know what, that's cool, because I think you're cool. And most importantly, I got to meet you at Homecoming. Whatever the reason, my head decided 'you know what, you actually have a reader, and are you going to just like, not update, after that? No. Get your ass working.' I dunno, meeting someone who actually reads what I write, that I don't already know, was just a moment for me. It helped me update and hey that's what counts in the end right? (sort of)**

**K COOL NOW THAT'S DONE. NOW READ. **

**Oh also I don't own the main characters because I'm not secretly JK Rowling.**

**Okay now go.**

* * *

**Chapter 23: The Meaning of the Word 'Differences'**

Rachel had forgiven me, sure, but I could tell she wasn't completely over it. I made an extra effort to spend more time with her, than others. Not that I was yet again neglecting anyone, but Lily, Remus, James, Kim, etc., didn't seem to be as bothered, still, a few days later, as Rachel.

"I'm sor—"

"You apologize every time you see me Alex. And I say 'I know, I forgive you', every time. Is this going to be a reoccurring thing now?"

"...You still like hearing it."

"Well even if I do, you say it too often."

That usually happens at least once each conversation I with her. Lily says I ought to stop and just let it blow over but... I don't know. Out of everyone, excluding Sirius, Rachel's the only one I still feel so guilty about neglecting. Sirius... well he's a work in progress. He keeps telling me I sorted it all out and it's water under the bridge, but whenever Andrew happens to pass us in the halls, his grip gets tighter, and his stare more murderous. I knew he never liked Andrew, and I never really expected things between them to ever get better, but it seems as if Sirius hates Andrew, like genuinely hates him, or at the very lease dislikes him even more, just for getting sick. Thus 'stealing me away' as I heard him say to James one night in the common room when he didn't know I was there. Which even though I find ridiculous, that there's no way Andrew's actually plotting to steal me from Sirius, I see where he's coming from. The whole 'you utterly ignored me for that bloke' was still prominent, but now he's edgy often. I'm trying to make it all like before, but it's... it's as if Sirius won't let me. If I try pressing the issue, he refuses to talk about it. But if I try to pretend it never happened, he thinks I'm ignoring 'something we can't just look past'. Fuck, Sirius, would you not be a damn riddle right now? I spend most classes trying to wrap my head around what I need to do for damage control that day, instead of paying attention, along with sorting out my mates and boyfriend issues.

Yes, I've decided I'm doing some damage control. Because, really, I've done plenty of damage. Besides trying to fix said bloody relationship with Sirius, pay attention to Rachel, not ignore anyone else again, and convince Andrew that Sirius doesn't plot murder in his spare time, I've got to deal with the remaining rumors floating around. It's really a busy job, tiring as well. Every night my bed feels like it's made of clouds out of heaven, thanks to how exhausted I am.

I've also started exploring more of the castle, thanks to all this. New rooms or hallways I've never, or rarely, been down... trying to track people. And of course I'm making so many more mates. I'm a fecking mess.

And you know what was really my breaking point? In charms, a day or two ago, Andrew suggested we not... be mates anymore, or at least for a little while, due to everything that's going on.

I lost it. I really did. I couldn't scream profanities in the middle of class, unfortunately, but I did slam my head to my ask and whisper-screamed. I also thought I might cry, maybe even sob a little, but I seemed too shell-shocked to do even that. Because, really? I mean... I knew it was bad, but to actually go so far as to lose a mate over it? No, I won't have it. I told him, after regaining my composure, that was ridiculous, Sirius isn't going to tell me who I can and can't be mates with, 'love of my life' or not.

And, now, having explained every detail of my new friendship with Andrew to him, I see no reason at all for him to think anything negative. I told him this, and that he should expect better of me, he knows I wouldn't even think, or _ponder_, doing that to him. Despite being my boyfriend, he's still, above all, a... now maybe it's touchy, but he's a mate of mine. And relationship aside, I don't ever plan on hurting my mates. He knows this and... it sort of hurts, to her him say he's concerned I'll leave him, that I'd stoop that low.

I don't know, I almost wish, some days, that the rumors I'm cleaning up were true. That maybe we had split, for now, but remained friends, so we could fix the bullshit. But then I realize how horrible that is for me to wish, and tell myself not to be so absurd. I love Sirius. I can't wish that...

xXx

"But I don't _want_ to..."

"Oh don't whine at me. I'm not giving you my Transfiguration notes."

"They're not even yours, they're Andrews!"

"Well, he gave them to me, so they're mine now."

"But, Alex, pleeeease."

"Lily Evans, begging will get you nowhere. Can't your own bloody boyfriend tutor you?"

"He's off with _yours_ doing Merlin knows what..."

She didn't bother asking me where Sirius, or James for that matter, were, because she knew I didn't know. Sirius and I hadn't spoken all day...

She sighs and fixes me with those trademark puppy-dog eyes and I cave, despite trying my hardest to put up my defenses, rolling my eyes and digging in my bag for the notes.

"Don't you dare get your dinner on them. Treat them like a _bible_, Lily Evans, you hear? One mark and you're done for." I warn, though I know she's not listening as she pours over them.

It was dinner, and the two of us were sitting in the Great all, picking at our plates. Well, I was, Lily was downing rice with no regrets... I hadn't been very hungry all day, which I knew would only make me thirst for blood tomorrow at breakfast, but oh... it's been a very off day. Rachel picked up quickly on my mood, as usual, and suggested I sneak out of the castle, try and see why Sirius gets a kick out of it, but instead we played wizard's chess and drank pumpkin juice from the kitchens.

A boy walks up to us, leaning on the table beside me, and cracks a sort of odd smile. "I'm Lucas Douglas." Never heard of you. ...Wait, actually... He's a Ravenclaw, by his blue tie, and I vaguely remember Rachel saying something about him. Yes, I do remember you! I think she fancied him. Ages before she fell to rubble with Remus, that is. Hm...

"Hello." I say and Lily peeks up from my notes.

"D'you know what people are saying? You know, Sirius and you are fighting and all that? Well, few people are also saying what rubbish it is. Not a lot but, eh, it's some. And... some kid the other day, walking by was talking about how mental you were about it all. Thought it might cheer you up to tell you _I_ think it's a load of bollocks, and I've been tellin' the rest of my house the same. Not everyone thinks your falling apart." He shrugs and stands upright. "Tell Rachel I say hello," he adds, flashing a bright smile at me before sauntering off.

I sit there speechless as Lily starts giggling out of control.

"He makes it sound as if this is some type of war! And he still supports the good side, despite it going _completely mental_!" She giggles out, erupting into more laughter as she points at me for the last few words.

I roll my eyes at her, crossing my arms on the table. "Well, excuse me for being the _good _side... And does he _see_ Rachel often?" She disregards my Rachel question, going right for me again, harrumph... "You can't deny how mental you're going over this Alex. I've seen you lose it sometimes, but..." Her laughing subsides and she shrugs. "It's a mess. And I know the rumors are crap too, but regardless of that you still have a lot on your plate. I'd help, but there's not really a lot I can do..."

"Yea, just tell Sirius not to kill Andrew, I'm not leaving him, and have him accept it and move on without issue. Then it'll all be fine," I grumble out, propping an elbow and resting my chin on my palm.

She gives me a sympathetic look, shrugging. "Well it's easy for you! Your boyfriend is just utterly smitten with you, won't dream of ignoring you, or not wanting to... to be with you, or never tell you anything anymore..." I started out sort of exasperated there, half-wishing I could just be Lily Evans, but the words just came out, and now I'm sad all over again, with that harsh realization.

"...What do you mean he doesn't want to be with you?"

This was my concern, telling not just Lily but anyone. The sad, sorry sympathetic tone people use. And I mean that would be expected, but... I'd rather not get the 'sorry, that sucks', pity treatment.

With another sigh I shake my head. "He's gone now, and he never tells me when he leaves... I don't really care that much, where he goes, I just... Maybe it's nothing—"

"No, what? Ignoring you? I mean I know Sirius isn't the most perceptive fellow, but more than that? It's been days, weeks even, since all this stuff, he's acting like it was an hour ago... Have you talked to him about it? I hate to sound like a mother, Alex, but maybe you should ask him, or something."

"Lily, I've tried. Tons of times. And, on a good day, maybe he'll listen, but he doesn't take any of it into consideration. I haven't a clue how to get it through his head he's making this a huge deal, when it's not, and it's over with. I-I don't... Maybe we should just—"

I don't finish my thought. Telling Lily about my thoughts or wishes of... not being with Sirius doesn't seem like a smart idea, by any stretch of the imagination. But, talking out how he really is being a huge prat wallowing in self-pity over nothing, I start wondering it's a better idea... I love him, I do, I must, but it seems right now, in the midst of all this shit... that love's a little buried.

xXx

"So, boyfriend still out for blood?"

Andrew's small jokes were funny at first, but now I'm just not in the mood.

"...I usually get a laugh out of those, you alright?"

It's nice Andrew cares, but no, not really, I'm not alright. I wouldn't expect Andrew to assume I was, which was probably the reason for the small jokes.

"Not particularly."

"Is it getting worse, the rumors?"

Actually, those weren't the issue much anymore. Maybe it was Lucas Douglas's word, or a miracle, or maybe I wasn't failing at this damage control business, but it seemed those rumors have died down, for now, more whispers than shouts.

"No, those aren't bad."

"...Then, Sirius maybe?"

I could tell he was cautious to ask about him, and I can understand that, because I've been feeling like a time bomb recently. Little things have started to... set me off. I do a lot more ranting to Rachel now, because I feel anyone else might judge me wrong about exploding over something so simple. Andrew didn't want to have to deal with my mess, if he asked something wrong.

"Yea, it's... yea."

He just nods and doesn't say more. I think this is why I keep him around. Girls are chatty, they ask questions, and even indirectly, or not on purpose, pry. 'What's wrong?' or 'What happened?' are common questions, and frankly, I don't want to tell them. Andrew doesn't pry, and I quite respect him for it.

We walk into charms and solemnly take our seats. I will say it's nice to enter a room where people don't stop and stare at you, and you get that feeling they were just talking about you. Glances, maybe. And I'll take glances over stares any day. Today was a note day, boring and quiet and perhaps some wand-waving if we were lucky. I had half a mind not to take notes, not pay attention, and not care. I was brill at charms, I would learn it eventually. Or get someone's notes. But then I would be left alone to my thoughts, and that wasn't something I wanted to be left to right now. So, I pulled out my quill, ink, and parchment, dipping my quill and pressing it to the fresh parchment.

I think this is the first time in charms that I've been so far gone, into the drone of a lecture, that I didn't notice the end of class. I'd stopped writing, but unlike everyone else, packing their things and heading out, I was just sitting there, staring down at my desk, as if waiting for Professor Flitwick to carry on talking.

I feel a sharp kick against my calf, and my chair jerks, waking me back to reality, and looking up at the kicker.

"Staying for remedial charms? And I thought you were smart."

I never came to the conclusion Kim was insensitive, but I do think she's not very empathetic. Or, she doesn't show it very well.

"I just spaced out," I say, shaking my head and packing my things.

"Clearly. But you know, this class was boring enough, I'm not surprised you did. I tried sleeping, but unfortunately this bloke next to me wouldn't stop mumbling to himself."

"How silly of him..."

She didn't catch my blatant unconcern as we stood and left the room.

"Now, onto bigger matters, you need a right cheering up—"

"Kim, I really don't—"

"—I'm not going to ask what got you like this, though I certainly have my suspicions, but if you sulk all bloody day every bloody day I might consider hexing you."

"I'm surprised you haven't yet."

"It's been tempting at times."

I should have assumed that, honestly. "Kim, have you ever had a boyfriend."

For a moment, she seems silent, and I wonder if I hit a soft spot, but then she sighs and groans. "We're not talking about _relationships_ and... doing each other's hair and shit like that Alex. That's not what I meant by 'cheer you up'. Maybe drop pudding on first years, if you were feeling childish..."

"I just asked you a question, calm down." Clearly she was _not _a Lily Evans 'let's talk it out' girl.

She rolls her eyes and seems to slump. "Yes, I've had a boyfriend. I'm not incapable of feelings."

"Oh, surprise surprise." I crack a grin and she shoves me, though I could see her stifling a smile.

"Didn't end well?" I ask and she shrugs.

"Eh, wasn't my type."

"You have a type?"

"Shut up! Of course I do!"

"...is it aggressive and abusive?"

"Remind me why I'm mates with you again? The reason is slipping my mind, it seems."

I can't help myself as I start laughing, turning down the corridor. It's the first time I've truly laughed in a few days.

Kim puts a smile on her face, and it might be the first non-aggressive, non-sarcastic one she's given me. This is why we're mates. We joke around and say things we don't mean, and don't judge each other. That's probably my favorite thing about Kim. She's a Slytherin, naturally snarky and maybe rude on occasion, but she doesn't judge me.

We stop at the Grand Staircase, watching the first years scamper around. "They look like ants."

"We looked like ants once."

"No I didn't. You, maybe, but—"

"Oh, Kim's too cool for ants, watch out."

"Damn straight."

With a nod she stars heading down a few steps. "I've got potions, and I'm meeting Sev early for—"

My feelings momentarily set themselves aside as I perk up. "Sev? Sev who? Snape?"

She turns and cocks her eyebrow at me, somewhat confused at my sudden interest in her Potions partner. "Yea, Snape. We've got some classes together. 'Spose you could consider us mates. Slytherins don't really play that way though." She shrugged, and then gave me a pointed look. "He's not so bad, really. Your... 'other mates', don't think well of him, I know. But hey, you're mates with me around you? I accept you, you accept me. Strange things happen." She said with a nod. "Sev doesn't 'live up' to his reputation, if you will. Which, mind you, was given to him by Potter, not himself."

She shakes her head, says something about respecting my mates, so I shouldn't judge hers, and I shake my head. "No, I wasn't... I didn't... You just hadn't mentioned it before."

She shrugged her slim shoulders again. "Didn't think it important. I'll see you later, Alex. Don't drown yourself in the lake."

"Right, thanks, I was planning on doing that after dinner, but now I suppose I can't."

"...Don't be smart with me. Who knows what you're planning in that currently-fucked-up mind of yours. Getting real tired of you sass, Marqcues..." she said with a shake of her head, another half-smile coming into play. She waves over her shoulder, descending the stairs and out of sight.

xXx

I'd resulted to talking to James about Sirius. I feel like maybe it's a new low for me, to be talking about him with his best mate, but part of me feels I've not choice. Sirius won't talk to me. Maybe he talks to James. I won't deny I'd done that. ...Well, I've been _trying_ to talk to Sirius, but he's being stubborn. I have been talking to my mates more often, as a result.

"James, have you got a moment?"

I hadn't seen Sirius all day, yet again, aside from briefly at breakfast. He even skipped Divination. I... I'm wondering if he's starting to avoid me...

"Yea, sure Alex." He had just entered the common room, where I'd been fidgeting for half an hour.

"Have you seen Sirius? He wasn't in Divination today, and um, I just... Well he talks to you, so, I thought, maybe he had... told you."

James sighs and runs a hand through his hair, shrugging slightly. "I dunno... I saw him this morning and, erm... Bit at lunch, but he seemed edgy, and I didn't talk to him then," he says, then gives me a wary look. "Alex he usually tells me everything but recently—"

The portrait opens again and Sirius slumps inside. But as he sees us he stops in his tracks, looking at us a moment, and that's when I notice he looks awful.

His robes are tattered and dusty, not the clean it usually is, despite it perhaps being messily thrown on. His hair is much more mussed up than usual, and his eyes... They're red, bloodshot, and there are bags under them. He sighs, an utterly exhausted sound, and looks away, going to walk to the boys' dorm.

"Sirius? Are... will you talk to me? Please? ...Have you been having trouble sleeping?" I step in front of him, and reach out my hands as if to stop him, but I hesitate, retracting them from his too close chest.

"I'm fine," he mutters out somewhat bitterly, trying to walk past me, and I'm struck by his tone. But I mirror his steps, and this time disregard the warnings in my head, pressing my hands to his cheeks, to make him look at me.

"I'm your girlfriend, whether you... You need to talk to me, please, I don't... What am I doing wrong? Tell me, because apparently I don't understand..." The words 'whether you like it or not' died on my tongue, suddenly unsure if he did, or didn't.

He looks back at me with a sort of sad, judging eye. "I don't want to talk about-"

"That's not an excuse anymore." I'd caught him by surprise when I interrupted him, sounding angry. "I can't fix anything if I don't know what the problem is. You won't tell me and it isn't fair Sirius. Do you _want_ this problem to last? I'd expect not, but seeing as you refuse to talk to me, seem to avoid me now, and don't... don't acknowledge my very existence anymore, I don't know. So you're going to pluck it up and tell me."

His eyebrows furrow at me, but this time I don't fear him getting angry. It's all he ever does anymore, that and ignore me, to the point that I've sadly become used to it.

"I get you're trying to fix all the shit that's been happening, Alex, but maybe you should know that it all can't go back to normal."

"Because you won't move on!"

"How am I supposed to do that when not only do people tell me you and that fucking Hufflepuff are off shagging in the corridors, but you hang around him enough to support it!"

For a moment, I was floored. For good reason I suppose, but I had not ever heard that particular rumor. Had Lily, or Rachel, or Remus, heard it and not told me? Maybe they had... But I couldn't dwell on it. It wasn't true, obviously, and that was enough right now. "Oh, because coming up to me and asking _your girlfriend_ about it is just a ludicrous idea." I snap, jumping back into the argument.

"There's no need to be sarcastic."

"It's true! Does it ever cross your mind that maybe it's all complete crap? That perhaps trusting the girl you supposedly _love_, or is that bull too, is a wise idea? I don't know about you, but if our roles were reversed, I'd trust your judgment. I'd believe you, because that's what you do in relationships. You _trust_ one another. But are you just incapable of that?"

I hadn't realized I had started crying until I stopped spitting out the acidic words. I need to catch my breath, tears were just short of flowing down my cheeks; I wasn't sobbing, or sniffling, just crying silently. I hadn't thought that Sirius didn't love me anymore, but the words kept ringing in my head; 'Or is that bull too?'

Sirius sighs, angrily, and reaches up to wipe my tears. I have half a mind to jerk away from his touch, but I don't. "It's not you I don't trust—"

"Hard to believe..."

"—It's just my way of coping."

"Avoiding me?"

"Avoiding everyone."

I noticed then that James had left, which wasn't surprising, and I remember how he was saying Sirius hadn't even talked to him much about anything.

"I know you don't like Andrew, but.. He's a mate of mine... A friend, like Rachel, and you're going to have to live with it... I w-won't stop talking to him because you can't... get over the past."

His hand pulls off my cheek and my crying starts to subside.

"You're right, I don't like him... Maybe it's the rumors, or maybe it's... yea, what happened, but Alex, he... what if... I just don't understand why..." he shakes his head and purses his lips. "No one's spreading rumors about me hooking up with any of my mates behind your back."

I hold back from saying they don't have to, that his past was rumor enough, and practically a given, except what he's saying is true. I didn't think that would help our fragile state.

The portrait opens a third time, and Remus walks inside, and I can see Rachel's head bobbing back down the stairs. He nods at the two of us, and claps Sirius once on the shoulder, hesitating, looking between us, before speaking. "My guess is it's time for bed." He gives Sirius another look, says goodnight to me, and heads upstairs.

Sirius watches him go before turning back to me. "I'm sorry Alex, I know this is... mostly my fault, but I suppose I can't help the way I feel. I... I care a lot about you Alex. I do love you." He runs a hand through his hair, sighing softly, before leaning towards me and kissing my cheek. "I just want you to remember that, okay?" He looks at me right in the eyes, like he's trying to burn his words in my mind with his stare.

"Course I won't..." I finally murmur out, my voice hitching slightly.

He sighs again and nods, rubbing the back of his head and taking a few steps towards the boys' stairs. I mirror his steps again, closing the gap and quickly pressing my lips to his, I realize, for the first time in a few days.

I pull away and nod. "I won't forget," I repeat, smiling slightly, hesitantly, before turning to my own form stairs and shuffling up to bed.

* * *

**Satisfying? yes? no? I'd really appreciate reviews!**

**Also, maybe, guesses! Feelings, thoughts, hopes for these two? I mean i've got ideas, but God knows I haven't started writing the next chapter, nor am I filled with plans. TELL ME YOUR FEELS.**

**Or not, do what you want with your life!**

**~xo DA**


	24. Not Broke, Just Bent

**A/N: So I literally spent all day just sitting here. Typing this. Like. I am so hungry right now I'm going to go eat my fridge. You're welcome.**

**But I can't be saying 'you're welcome' when I actually have left this for MONTHS. My last update was OCTOBER. ...how has no one like. Murdered me and thrown me into a well by now I mean I hate myself right now what is this A+ for not becoming murderers I'm seriou-SIRIUSLY impressed that was dumb I'm sorry.**

**But. Well. Here we are. And, hopefully, I can make you all not hate me by telling you, guess what, we learn what happened to Alex's father. DUN DUN DUNNNN. I've been dying to write this, you've been dying to read it, and here it is! Along with, like, the plot, or whatever, so yea.**

**ALSO quick shoutout to anyone I know irl who reads this because 1) WHAT ARE YOU DOING. REALLY. OKAY. FINE. IT'S WHATEVER. and 2) motivation is a thing (coughcoughcami).**

**Also I don't own le characters except for OC's because yea writing.**

**All bases covered, I'll see you at the bottom.**

* * *

**Chapter 24: Not Broke, Just Bent**

You ever get the feeling that things are just too good, too happy, to be true? I've sort of got that cliché feeling now, because after the mess we were just in, I don't really see how things can calm down so suddenly. It sets my teeth on edge most mornings, waiting for the bomb to drop and it all to come crashing down again. It's just been a very edgy few days. We're talking, and interacting, and all that, but it's still painfully obvious that there's still lingering tension between the two of us. And what's worse, that tension isn't just us, it's enveloped Andrew as well, obviously, and even James, his friendship with Sirius. They're finding their footing again too, and they seem more eager to get over this crappy bridge than the two of us, though there are different reasons between them and us, but with Andrew... it's just a whole other rubbish pile I need to sort through.

Sirius knows I'm not going to stop talking to Andrew, and has _finally _accepted that I'm not going to run away into the night with him, but they never acknowledge each other's presence at all. Maybe eye contact, but only enough for Sirius to threaten Andrew with a look, and Andrew to ignore it completely. I don't say anything anymore. It's just no longer worth getting in the middle of, and even if i tried to intervene, I'd just get a hissy fit from one of them.

It's like we're all a broken vase that we glued back together, but the glue isn't totally dry yet, and one jostle will break us all apart again.

So, for now, it's a lot of touch and go for the two of us, all of us even. No blowing up at each other, no stupid, unneeded jealousy, and no avoiding. That was an important one for me, I told Sirius from the start I don't want him avoiding me, I want him to talk to me and confront me if something happens. I know, I should take my own advice and face my issues head on, as Lily tells me but as Remus so nicely points out to her, I _did_ face this particular issue head on, and... Well look how much good that did, yea? Yea.

He and James are currently sitting across from me at my table in the Library. I've sort of been majorly lacking on my homework, so I holed myself up here pretty much all day doing essays and charts and revision. My hand is all but numb now, but hey, I'm making progress...

"Wanna get me a book on wormwood and its uses on the full moon?" I mumble as I exchange a roll of parchment filled with a charms essay, to a blank roll for more potions. Ugh.

"Didn't you do Potions already?"

"I've got two, and I finished the other on asphodel..."

James sighs as he stands up. "Wormwood, you said?"

I nod and he turns down a row of books. Nice of him, I considered neither of them would actually want to get up and exert themselves for me.

"Slughorn packing it on?" Sirius asks and I sigh.

"Sort of. It's just building up, really. I was, ahem, a little busy last week, didn't get to any of it."

I see him nod over my potions book, flipping it open for elixirs involving wormwood.

"James and I were talking the other day, about Remus and Rachel-"

"Are you saying boys gossip?" I interrupt, cracking a smile.

He rolls his eyes but I see that a smile has appeared on his lips as well. "I wouldn't call it gossiping but, whatever... So we were, and we notice he writes an awful lot in that dia- erm, journal, of is. During class and all, but not notes, and when does Professor Lupin not take notes in favor of a diary-journal?"

I had forgotten about his magical diary-journal. 'At least give him some dignity' I think as I slip into calling it a 'diary' as well. I can't help but laugh a little, thinking about Remus writing love letters to Rachel in Transfiguration while he's in History of Magic.

"I dunno, that's funny. Better take it from him and get him checked out before he starts falling behind, Merlin forbid."

Sirius chuckles and James returns with two decently heavy-looking books. "This one's solely on wormwood-" he thumps the smaller of the two on the table, "-and this one is an array of plants' uses in moonlight, which might have it," he reports with another thump of another book on the table.

"James, you're a saint," I proclaim, sitting up and taking the one solely on wormwood and flipping to the table of contents, skimming it for moonlight.

"Madam Pince was yelling at your friend, erm..." James hesitates, glancing at Sirius, and without having to say it, I know he means Andrew.

"Why?" I ask before he picks up his sentence, seeing the look of minor confusion on Sirius' face confirms he doesn't know yet who James means.

He shrugs. 'Dunno, they were by History, she was screeching her head off, as always."

"Hm... Sirius, do me favor? Take this and look in the index for wormwood?" I pass him the other book and his eyebrows raise. "'s not my essay."

"Please? I'll be two minutes." I bat my eyelashes as if that would convince him, but he sighs and opens the book without a word. Brill.

I stand, give James a look, and head in the direction of our screeching librarian. I approach the History section as Madam Pince appears at the end of a row. She turns to me and narrows er eyes. "I expect all those books back in the proper places_ today_ Marqcues. _No _taking them out," she quips at me, pointing her nose down at me to deliver a nasty glare before heading off.

I shake my head and turn down the row to see Andrew banging his head against the table there at the end.

"Um. You lose brain cells that way."

He looks up and then sighs. "Oh, hello Alex. Heard the spat did you?"

"Sounded more like you getting your arse handed to you," I chimed, attempting a smile as he looks sullen.

He doesn't smile back, but shakes his head. I look around at the worn history books. "D'you have a History of Magic essay?"

"No," he answers immediately.

"...So why history?"

He shrugs and sighs again, turning and leaning against the shelf. "Guess I'm in a shitty mood. And not many people like coming here anyways."

"Why?" I almost don't want to ask, because do I really want to prepare for a long talk about someone else's problems? But I've already asked, and I feel like I owe it to him anyways.

"...Alex, d'you remember that one day in class, where I said something about, erm... I dunno exactly what I said, uhm, but about a mate-"

"About losing a friend?" I say, almost eagerly, remembering how he brushed off any minor questions I had. I never really forgot, I thought about it often, actually, when Andrew didn't say much in class on certain days, wondering if that's what he was thinking about.

Andrew nods, running a hand through the bronze of his hair. "Yea, um... I just... spoke to them. It's been a year, almost, since... we had our, sort of, 'falling out', as it were and..."

It was obvious he was struggling to maintain his composure; clenching and unclenching his fists, gritting his teeth, then pursing his lips, and shuffling his feet.

"Andrew, you don't have to-"

"He tried to apologize. Again. But... And I don't like holding a grudge. Except... Merlin it just hurt, what he did, you know..."

It's hard to help someone when you don't know the situation. Also when you've got too many essays to work on. But I couldn't just leave him here the way he was. "Well, I..." I sigh and shrug, like he had several times already. "It must've mattered, if it hurts so much..." I purse my lips and he looks at me.  
"It hurt a lot, actually. And I don't want to sound like some sort of pansy for whining to about my problems, but honestly I can't just sit and wallow in my own self-pity. 'M sorry I'm suffocating you with this, Alex."

I shake my head. "Nah, I'd much rather you 'suffocate me' with it than do something brash with it all bottled up."

He manages a smile and nods. "Suppose that's true."

"Now... I'm always here. I don't except you to come tell me your life story like I'm a counselor or anything like that, but, well, with the amount of complaining I do... I think I'm due for a listen once in a while."

He nods, and then does something that surprises me; he steps forward and hugs me. Tightly, around the middle, pressing his head into my shoulder. For a moment I thought he was going to cry, it seemed that bad for him, but then he let go of me, stepping back again and taking a deep breathe to compose himself. "Sorry, Alex, but thank you."

I finally steel myself and smile, albeit somewhat sadly, and nod. "Of course, Andrew. I told you I'd be there for you; Hugs included," I say, putting a hand on his shoulder for a moment.

He nods and manages a sad smile similar to mine. "Thanks... now, shouldn't you be working? I heard Madam Pince give _you _a right arse-"

"Er, yea, right, better do that..." I quickly cut him off as he smirks to himself. "You'll be alright?" I add after a beat.

He huffs and gives me a look, and I put my hands up. "I'm just making sure! Not trying to take a knock at your masculinity or whatever."

He gives a chuckle and shakes his head. "Alright, alright. I'm fine, go on, don't flunk out of Hogwarts."

Hufflepuff and their work ethic. "I'm going." I say with a chuckle as he gives me a 'shoo'-ing motion. I smile and wave and head back to my table, ignoring Madam Pince's pointed look when I sit back down with my pile of books.  
"All good?" James inquires, peering at me from the book I'd given to Sirius.

"Yea, all's well. But where'd Sirius go?"

James jerked his head in the direction of the door. "Left, said something about meeting Moony for notes." He shrugged and shook his head. "Dunno why though. Only class they've got together is Care of Magical Creatures, and he never takes notes for that..."

I frown and watch James flip a few pages in the book. "He promised me-er, something, later on... He said he'd be here though..." It irked me, that he'd leave like this, especially if, as James suggests, he's not doing what he said he is. I shake my head and huff. Oh well, I can't dwell on it, I might overthink it...

"I'm sure he hasn't forgotten, he's just... being Sirius," James mumbles as he flips another page, then hands the book to me. "There you go. Everything you ever wanted to know about wormwood. Moonlight uses are about half a page down."

"Thanks James," I say softly, pouring over the book, quill poised over my parchment.

He nods and stands. "You're welcome, but, if you don't mind, I've got to meet Lily, she's asked me for Transfiguration help in a deserted trophy room." He grins and wags his eyebrows at me, and I roll my eyes back, feigning a gag.

"Spare me your shaggy moments with my mate, I'll fare without them."

He laughs and takes up his bag, looking more cheerful now that he'd given me that mental image, and heads off, throwing a 'good luck' to me over his shoulder.

xXx

He better be there. He better be leaning against that wall, all smiles to see me, when I get there. He better be, or else... Or else a very distraught Gryffindor is what everyone'll have to deal with tomorrow and it'll be all his doing.

Walking along the semi-empty corridors before dinner, I found myself in an obvious state of anxiety, similar to when I'd confronted him what seemed like ages ago, the first time, but this wasn't nearly as complex. I just wanted to talk, about us, a bit, and then go to dinner together, like we were happy, like a proper couple, like before. But him leaving James and I together in the library has made me a little more... concerned.

Lately, all the little things have set me off, especially when concerning Sirius. And, I've had a hard time holding back sometimes, as Rachel has told me time and time again, when I go to her in a fit; "Just let it go. Do you want a repeat? No you don't." Of course she's right, but, I still just want to _burst_ sometimes.

I turn the corner, and actually consider closing my eyes like a child so I don't have to see what isn't there. But I keep them open, and there he is. Not leaning, like I'd thought, but pacing. When he sees me, he stops, and I can tell he looks a little frantic. Almost like an owl.

"Are you really that upset with me?"

"Upset with you? Why?" My eyebrows furrow and my nose crinkles. Agitated, perhaps, even a tad concerned, but not that upset.

He lets out a small sound of relief and shakes his head, running a hand through his hair, which looks like his hand has been through it repeatedly already.

"James came across me on my way here and told me you were all off about my leaving today- which I want to explain- but I don't... well I didn't think you'd be so worried, or whatever, so, I dunno, I got worried. Are you?" Sirius asks again.

Flustered isn't a word I use commonly with Sirius; he always appears laid back, or perhaps angry. Flustered would define me more than him between the pair of us. In any case, it's a pretty accurate word to use now.

"...No, I'm not _that_ upset, or angry-"

"Oh thank Merlin, but I still want to explain-"

"-_but_," I interrupt his interruption, shooting him a look, which shuts him up. "I was, or am... disappointed. You promised me you'd stay with me today, and I'd at least expect you to know beforehand that you couldn't keep that promise, or tell me before just disappearing, mumbling some excuse to James, that he had pretty good speculations on, by the way, to think it false. So. _Now_ you may explain yourself." I cross my arms and look at him sternly, expectantly.

It wasn't even the fact that he hadn't glued himself to me, that was much too needy for my tastes, it was just that he broke a promise. And I'd like to think he knows better than most how edgy I am right now, and that this little thing would tip me. Even if he told me while we were sitting there he couldn't stay, I'd be more okay with that than his leaving.

He hesitates, running a hand through his hair, and I almost reach out to take it down, stop him, hold it in mine, but I don't. "Er, well..." Oh, not so confident in your excuse are you? I can tell I'm getting more harsh and snappy, and I'd rather not have this blow into an argument, but still, hesitation isn't commonly a good sign of confidence.

"Alex, there's really no easy way to put this, but I really want you to let me explain, because it's going to sound bad, but it's not, okay?"

"Why would it sound bad? Sirius, I'm getting more than a little..."

"It's just... going to, but I promise it's nothing. Um, I..."

"Maybe I don't want to know anymore..." Now Sirius it just starting to worry me, and perhaps freak me out. He's all panicky and nervous and well, what was he doing that's so bad? It just doesn't set well with me.

"Alex, please."

I hesitate before I sigh, tapping my fingers on my lower lip, something my mother does when she's looking for something. "Okay, I'll let you talk and not interrupt, but... It just want to put it out there that you must understand why I'm so worked up. After what... 'relationship bumps', or whatever, we went through, I'm pretty fragile. I'd assumed you were too. So... that's why." I know I sound a little jumbled, but I just can't seem to organize my thoughts in complete, coherent sentences. I nod then, and sit against the edge of the windowsill.

He takes a deep breath, obviously trying to calm himself and go into the right mindset for whatever 'going to sound bad' situation he's got to explain... At least he's still here.

"So, I wasn't lying to James earlier, I really did go to get, er, help, for class, but they weren't from Moony, um... They're from Mary MacDonald. And, well, she's the best in my class-Arithmancy-, and recently I've started getting behind, so it... it was really a last resort, going to her. But our class is a little ahead of the others, so I couldn't get them from Moony or anything, but she... Well, you probably know what happened, er, between us..."

Right. Mary Macdonald. Last year they, er, had a 'relationship'. It seemed more like bed buddies, if you ask me, but regardless, it was tough on her apparently, when he dumped her. In her defense, he was rather harsh to her, but she still acted like the school whore after, trying to move on, I guess. It was just shag-central for her. Gross, especially when she's in your house and your year and you've got to deal with all the shagging constantly...

I manage a stiff nod and he nods back before continuing. "Right, well, she said she'd give me the notes, if we talked, and... Well it's only talking, yea? I didn't think it a big deal, and telling you or James or anyone I was meeting her alone just seemed like a stupid idea."

"What did she want?" I don't like prying into other people's private conversations, but to hell with that at the moment. From what I know of the past, I've got a few ideas of what Mary wanted, and I prefer them false.

"To talk, like I said."

I couldn't pry, couldn't make his business my business, not if I know he wants to withhold their conversation from me. ...But my mind is spinning. Rachel would tell me to stop over analyzing the situa-

"What did she want to talk about, Sirius? Tell me."

Oh.

"Alex, I know what you might be thinking, but I promise it's nothing you have to be conc-"

"So then why don't you tell me? If it doesn't matter."

"Because I don't have to."

"Then you see my concern with you and your secret keeping!"

"Sure I do, but don't you trust me?"

For the first time since we got together, really since we became good mates, my answer was not instant. It wasn't second nature anymore, to just instinctively trust Sirius, and frankly it stung hard.

"...You don't trust me...?"

I guess I should've assumed he'd be as surprised as me, but I was more concerned that it actually came to this point in our relationship, that I didn't trust his actions, his words.

"Well, I don't know...I...Sirius, you can't blame me, with all that's... And I'm not saying that you're... It's hard to trust you when you're keeping things from me..." I say softly, looking down at the ground as I hear him give an empty laugh.

"I don't have to tell you my whole life, Alex-"

"No, but when my first thoughts about McDonald are you and her shagging like rabbits, I'd like you to clear it up."

"And why's that your first thought?"

"Because it happened! Before me! It happened, and Sirius, I'm sorry, but you were never a one-woman show, and you can't put the blame on me for being concerned about your prominent past making a comeback."

"You always bring up my fucking mistakes, Marqcues."

"You made many, repeatedly, Black."

"I've got worries about you too."

"Oh, yea, that I was off shagging a boy sick with pneumonia, in the Hospital Wing, that's just like me. That's rich."

He sighs and grabs his hair with both hands, pulling hard for a moment, before finishing and running them through. "You just don't understand how I feel, okay, and-"

"Then make me understand, dammit!"

I'm waving my hands all over the place and can't tell if I want to scream or cry or both.

He grabs my shoulders hard and I wince as he makes me look him in the eye. "Try as hard as I might, you'll never understand, Alex. My family, my childhood, it fucked me over more than you can imagine."

My lips harden into a thin line, and now I feel hot tears prickling my vision.

"My father was _killed_ when I was _four_. I know you didn't have the best parental relationship, but I did. And having my father ripped out of my heart, and my life, forever, no way to _ever_ see him again, gives me a plenty good idea what a fucked up childhood feels like." My voice is cold and hard, and the tears start while my voice begins to catch. "Children play games, and laugh, and make friends. I went to a funeral. Twice, the army funeral, with his body, and one for my family. I cried, I never laughed, and I became the depressed _freak _with no father. I don't make friends. I never stopped mourning. I never moved on, and if you think I don't know _pain_ and _sorrow_ and never feeling worth it feels like, you are _wrong_, Sirius Black."

He lets go of my shoulders and I wipe my sopping eyes with the back of my hand, though that hardly solves anything. I'm not saying Sirius didn't have horrible moments in his life, he's had plenty, but going so far as to say I wouldn't understand the effect of something like that on a person gets to me. Because I do. And it's horrible.

My mother cries so much when I'm home, I make it my duty to make her happy. She's not very confident, she was always the quiet, studious one, the Ravenclaw, that's why dad fell for her in the first place... She'd tell me stories of how he always made her feel proud of herself, confident in her abilities. And now he's gone.

"...Alex it's different, I didn't mean to make you... so upset, distraught..."

"Doesn't mean I don't understand the pain, Sirius..."

He sighs again. "I'm sorry... I know hoe losing your father affected you, I do, remember third year? All the times I let you cry to me, when you... weren't happy? You're right, you and your parents were close. I wasn't with mine. If I lost my parents... I don't think I'd mourn so much, I don't know if I'd even be so sad. I don't know if I'd care. And that's why it's different."

"Well, I... When you decide that I understand, come..." I shake my head, my words jumbling as my lips still tremble. I hate these moments, when I relive those horrible years of loss... "I'm going to eat..." I mumble, trying to hold it together, even though I have no appetite at all. I know I'll sit down and pick at my food, and people will question me, and I'm not in the mood for that. I need someone to attempt to cheer me up. I think I need Rachel. I need someone who won't ask, won't care, someone who'll just listen or just... do something.

"You said you'd remember. Do you?"

I wipe my eyes again and face him. "...Yes, I remember. But, remembering doesn't mean it's still true... I promised I won't forget, and, I won't, but Sirius... It's getting hard, okay?"

xXx

"...And I just want him to understand that I understand, that... He's not telling me things about _McDonald_ and I... What if they end up...? I mean she's not... secretive, and if Sirius and I aren't... I don't put out, okay? And what if that's what he wants? I'm not going to, especially not now, with us... If I ever do, I want... Remus, what am I supposed to do?"

I ran into Remus going to the Great Hall, and I was a mess, and all he did was ask if I was hungry, and I cracked. So now, we're sitting in a deserted corridor, and I'm telling him _everything_, even about my father's death, and only Rachel and Sirius knew about that. But, Remus has always been the best listener. He's rational, he cares, and he doesn't judge me-majorly, probably a little bit- for all my stupid mistakes.

He just sits and nods and makes agreeing sounds once in a while as I ramble on and on, arms on his knees, hands folded, looking very pensive.

I didn't really plan on telling Remus, or Rachel or anyone, all my stupid woes and worries, just stick with the facts and all, even with Rachel, who I told almost everything to. But the fact that I am so worried and concerned only makes me _more _so. Life just makes me too stressed out.

"Remus... Remus I don't want to... to shag him, just so he'll stick around, but... but I mean what if that's it? I mean, I... I really do care about Sirius, but what if that's what he's missing? You probably know his past better than I do, but we all know what he was like, motives or not, and... He was looking for sex then, who's to say he doesn't want it now? And I don't want to be the stuck-up bitch who won't cave, but I also don't want to sleep with him for no reason other than maybe, _maybe_, give him a reason to stay with me... And I don't even... what have I done wrong?"

It's not really a matter of 'I haven't done anything, why're his knickers in a twist', because I've no doubt I contributed to this massive fuck-up in my life, but I just want to know what exactly set him off, set this whole mess of. Maybe then I could mend it.

Remus sighs and sits upright, rubbing his chin a moment then shaking his head. "Well you've kind of dumped a lot on me Alex..."

"I'm sorry..." I mumbled, truthfully. It's a mountain-more like a million mountains- of emotional baggage on me, and I've chucked it all onto him without much permission.

"Sirius..." Remus sighs and starts again. "Please don't take this the wrong way, but Sirius' choice to, ah, 'sleep around', as it were, was fueled by more than lust. He had a troubling childhood, you kno this, and still has, if it's my place, a fairly ruthless family. I don't want to tell you what you already know, but he's never really went for a girl like you, or for a girl for the sake of actually dating her for long. He's just as oblivious as a third year. He only truly knows how to bring someone to bed, not to meet his folks- though he'd probably never do that anyways- and he doesn't realize that that's not going to work with you." He pauses to chew his lip, his eyes scanning the ground for the right words. "He... he doesn't like change, Alex, of any kind, and don't you think that _you_ are quite a big change for him?"

"No," I responded right away, automatically, but then I pause. "...yes." Being his mate was not a big change, but being more than that... maybe Remus, as usual, had a point.

"But I think you're too concerned with his past, not his present, or even his future." Remus continues, not letting me get many words in, which I suppose is smart. "Yes, his past is filled with horrors and whores- er, never mind that- but his present isn't. And even if he doesn't like change, he wouldn't ever pressure you into putting out. He has morals, and he has principle, even if his family doesn't. He knows better than to push those limits. Why do you think he always went for the, ah, 'eager' girls, hm? Because they said yes, much too easily, and that's all he needed. He needed the consent, because that's a line he'll never cross, and he doesn't fight battles he can't win, though sometimes he gets too ambitious- or cocky- to know he'll lose..." He pauses again and looks at me for some sort of reaction to know I'm following. I am, I suppose, but I'm too busy sorting through everything he's saying, trying to pick out some sort of solution to my problem. I simply nod, and he nods back, before picking up again.

But I'm only half listening now, tuning in when I hear something promising. What he's saying does explain things, explain why it's all a bit hard for him, but I don't know every horror story Sirius has with these past six years at Hogwarts, or his family. I don't know why I've struck a nerve when he gets angry, or what I've said that made him more than just happy. And I think I'll never know them all, if any, if he trusts me anymore...

"Remus what happened between him and MacDonald, before?"

I feel a little guilty interrupting and completely changing the topic, but I'm curious what I don't know about the two of them, and if I know what happened then, I might not be so worried now. Maybe Sirius is being 100% honest, they just talked, but... something is just nagging my gut, telling me there's more.

Remus stops, then sighs, then shrugs. "What do you already know? They 'went out' through most of 5th year, into summer, but when we all came back, they were split without much of a word."

"But why? I mean isn't that sort of how it always happened with Sirius? Small, quiet break-ups, a new girl within the day, occasionally the dumpee gets a little emotional? Maybe even some sort of bragging from Sirius? ...It just seems like Mary's special to him, more than just someone to shag..."

"Why do you think that?"

"...I don't really know, I just... I mean all his past flings ended. Indefinitely. He moved on." I shake my head, my hands combing through the air as I talk. "I don't know if he really moved on from her so easily. It doesn't seem like it..." I stopped there, and Remus opens his mouth, but I pick up again, my voice turning more lost, soft, and unsure. "Why would he keep talking to-...I'm paranoid Remus... I overthink everything and I'm ignoring the obvious... we're just falling apart..."

Neither of us say anything for a while. Remus doesn't confirm or deny what I've said, though I'm sure he knows where I'm coming from.

Eventually he puts a hand on my shoulder, patting me twice, before standing. He offers his hand to me, and I take it, standing beside him. But he doesn't let go as we walk to dinner, only when we reach the Great Hall does he give my hand a squeeze and leaves to sit beside Rachel.

And as much as I say I know Remus the least, that we aren't as close, I've never felt so close to someone than I did right then. Because he believed me, and knew what I was feeling.

Must be what it feel like to be truly understood, if only for a few moments.

* * *

**So who still hates me but for different reasons? Show of hands? Hm? **

**Great. Now do me a favor and review! Tell me how much you hate me! Or characters! Or whatever! Or be like Kat and analyze everything and tell me all my grammar errors because that's so nice.**

**Anyways, I'd love you to, but do if you want, don't if you don't, I love you either way. I promise I do. Even if I take like. Half a year (holy shit that's so LONG) to update but. Yea. Cool. Love all around.**

**~xoDA**


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